Undergraduate / "No! Not another disgusting lizard, Grandma!" - Medical Personal Statement [26]

Hi. Please help correct my personal statement, especially my grammar & tense. Thank you for your time and consideration.

"No! Not another disgusting lizard, Grandma!"

I heartily protested as my grandma pinned me down and pried my mouth open to force a live lizard sandwiched between two slices of banana down my throat. I grasped tightly onto my grandma's scarlet sweater, both eyes bathed in tears, howling and kicking to dodge the four-legged creature in her hand. The more I resisted, the worse my coughing and wheezing became. My childhood asthma overpowered me and my breathing became shallow. At last, I surrendered. With my eyes closed and breath held, I quickly swallowed the creature the second it tickled the inside of my mouth. It was already my third lizard for the day. The familiar pleasant taste and aroma of banana failed to disguise the unpleasant gecko sandwiched between.

In the rural village of central Vietnam where I grew up, basic health care was a scarcity and consuming a house lizard was the most readily accessible remedy for my severe asthma. My grandparents were too poor and medicine too expensive for us to seek mainstream treatment for my illness. At the onset of my symptoms, I could not turn to my mother for solace. Only two when my family escaped Vietnam by boat, my parents reluctantly left me behind because I was too sick to endure the perilous journey. Even with the love and care of relatives and friends, I lamented the loss of my family and a place to call home.

I was reunited with my family in California when I was nine. For the first time in my life, I had a family doctor who attended to my medical needs. The absence of adequate medical attention in my early childhood promoted and fostered my sympathy for the sick and the poor. The comprehensive care that I received in the United States inspired me to devote my academic years to helping those who are less fortunate. Through my volunteer work, I am surprised and saddened to learn that health care inequity is not isolated to Vietnam, but also exists in the heart of America. In today's society, there are orphans, homeless people, and immigrants who cannot access basic and adequate health services. These patients often sidestep hospitalization and expensive medication due to financial difficulties. For this reason, I aspire to become a physician who can provide holistic medical care to patients from all social and economic backgrounds.

While in college, my inspiration propelled me to become an assistant to physicians and nurses in the Emergency Department at San Francisco General Hospital. Here, I help provide clinical care to homeless and uninsured patients whose medical needs are coupled with psychosocial problems. While shadowing the physicians, I noticed that genuine gestures of kindness plus a few words of comfort were always integrated into their interactions with patients. The doctors in the emergency department have helped me to appreciate that the roll of a physician includes more than diagnosing diseases and prescribing treatments; rather, it embraces the patient's whole well-being, both body and mind. Their thoughtful actions offer meaning to Sir William Osler's words: "The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the patient who has the disease." I too want to become a great physician, and I have strived to implement Osler's teaching into my volunteer work at SFGH. This hands-on interaction with patients imparts greater meaning to my life and education while solidifying my resolve to become a physician.

With this resolve in mind, I am determined to leave no stone unturned in the path to fulfilling my dream. At UC Berkeley, I have explored different opportunities and taken on many challenges to best prepare myself for medical school, including pursuing a double major in Molecular Immunology and Integrative Biology. As a student of science, I am most interested in applying knowledge from the classroom to hands-on research to answer scientific questions. I felt at home when deeply engaged in cancer research in the Karpen Lab at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory. With a pipette in hand, I conducted experiments to study how the cell recognizes and repairs DNA damage induced by radiation. At the 2008 Summer Undergraduate Research Fellowship conference, I presented my research on the functions of various tumor suppressor proteins in the DNA repair pathway to professors, postdoctoral scholars, and undergraduate students. This research is promising because knowledge of how cells repair DNA damage can contribute to a better understanding of, and therefore, potential treatment for diseases associated with damage to our genome, including cancer. I look forward to participating in the medical community's efforts, both as a future medical student and physician, to address today's and tomorrow's health problems.

In choosing to become a physician, I pursue a career uniting my interests in science and medicine with my passion to help others. As an aspiring medical student, I hope to provide health education and medical care to patients and cultivate compassion that establishes friendship at the patient's bedside. Medical school is the next important stone for me to assiduously and eagerly turn in accomplishing my lifelong aspiration of becoming a physician.

Undergraduate / 'trauma patient emergency care' - Supplement essay medical school [17]

Hi. Please help me correct my supplemental essay for medical school :). Thank you for your time and consideration.

Do you have unique experiences or obstacles that you have overcome that were not covered in your application about which you would like to inform our Admissions Committee? (maximum 3000 characters including spaces)

It was a hectic Saturday morning in the Emergency Department at San Francisco General Hospital, one which I still vividly remember. I was working my usual volunteer shift, filling empty gurneys with oxygen tanks and conversing with patients situated along the hallway. Our friendly conversations were suddenly interrupted by a piercing alarm sound. I knew what was coming. As I headed for the blood bank, a team of surgeons scuttled pass me and assembled in front of Trauma Room 1. When I returned with a fresh batch of blood, the ER walls flickered with flashes of siren light, and a young adult was wheeled in on a stretcher covered with blood. His face grimaced in pain. In the trauma room, I helped the nurses cut his clothes and immediately applied gauze pads to stem the bleeding of his multiple gunshot wounds. Unfortunately, one of the bullets had struck the patient's left eye, leaving it dangling from its socket. X-ray images were taken, monitoring devices hooked up, and the team of surgeons began their preliminary surgeries to stabilize the patient. From then on, it was a race against time. "Hang on in there," I softly reassured him.

I stood by the patient's side, frequently spraying his wounds with a cleaning solution to help the physicians see their surgical procedures. My hands violently trembled, and I was overwhelmed and terrified by the incident. I have cut open sedated mice and rabbits before; I have dissected human cadavers as well. But this was something else: before my eyes laid a human being whose life hung in the balance. I have encountered many life-threatening injuries during my volunteer work at SFGH, but this one in particular stands out because of the severity of the patient's condition and the violent cause of the injury. Though I was incredibly nervous, I felt a strong sense of responsibility toward the patient. I calmed myself and continued helping the physicians and nurses until the patient was stable.

Through this hands-on experience, I received the opportunity to help provide emergency care for the trauma patient. I also had the opportunity to closely watch and learn as the surgeons utilized state-of-the-art medical technology to perform various operations. Despite the frenetic setting of the ER, I was amazed by how composed and skilled the surgeons were. After a few weeks in the hospital, the patient recovered, and his eyesight was fully restored. It was a rewarding feeling to be able to help the patient recuperate from such a horrific trauma, even if the act was simply retrieving blood from the blood bank or stemming the bleeding. This unique experience has given me a greater admiration for the art of the surgeon and fostered my interest in pursuing this medical field of study.

Undergraduate / Medical Secondary [26]

Hi. Please help revise my short response to a secondary question from Columbia University. Thank you. :)

Prompt: What aspect of the Columbia-Bassett Program has the most appeal for you?

I grew up in a rural village myself, and therefore, I had experienced first-hand the lack of comprehensive health care that often exists in remote areas. I strongly believe that all ill patients deserve quality care, and the greatest potential of medicine is reached only when it becomes boundless. It's inspiring to know that the Columbia-Bassett Program shares the same views. In joining this unique program, I pursue one of my enduring aspirations, which is to make medical care and services equally accessible across socioeconomic boundaries. I'm greatly excited at the prospect of working alongside experienced physicians of Bassett Healthcare and devoted classmates of Columbia University to serve the rural community of Cooperstown, NY.

Undergraduate / Satisfactions from activities as a physician - Columbia University Secondary [36]

Hi. Please help revise my response to a secondary question from Columbia. Thank you :)!

What satisfactions do you expect to receive from your activities as a physician?

Enter your response in essay format. LIMIT WRITING TO 2475 CHARACTERS.

As a volunteer at San Francisco General Hospital, I have worked closely with ER physicians and witnessed first hand the priceless satisfactions they obtain from their clinical work. While working and interacting with these physicians, I have noticed that their sources of satisfaction come not only from saving lives, but also from daily genuine acts of kindness, such as giving a child a warm hug following a painful treatment. It is the greatest feeling to help patients recover from life-threatening traumas or achieve complete remission from diseases like cancer.

I am very excited for the opportunities and challenges that await me, knowing that, as a physician, I will have a direct impact on a patient's life and wellbeing. The ability to help patients heal, both physically and psychologically, and allow them to resume their lives is most rewarding and humbling for me. In treating my patients, I look forward to learning from their myriad medical conditions, as well as their unique life experiences, cultures, and values. I hope to establish healthy doctor-patient relationships on trust and compassion, which will help me to better treat and educate my patients.

Growing up with severe asthma and limited health care has inspired me to become a compassionate physician who can provide patient care to the poor and underserved. My family and I have been very grateful to receive adequate health care through the Medi-Cal program. As an aspiring physician, I long for the opportunity to give back to the community by offering clinical care to those less fortunate. My multicultural upbringing and empathy for the sick and poor will help me to better understand and connect with people from different walks of life, thus facilitating the delivery of health care.

Finally, I look forward to working in a scholarly community comprised of individuals from diverse health disciplines who share a common passion: to touch the lives of others through medicine. Here, I can learn from my mentors and collaborate with my colleagues to properly diagnose and manage the care of my patients. I wish to join hands with them in clinical research, where I can integrate science and medicine to find solutions to the health challenges afflicting today's society. As a physician, I will receive true satisfaction from caring for patients, offering health care to underserved communities, learning from mentors and colleagues, and resolving current health problems through research.