Undergraduate / "My dream was to become a millionaire" - UC Prompt [3]

[Thank you for your help^_^]
Red shaded sentences are the one that i think i need some feedback...
I need to hand this tmr... T T
ONce again.. i appreciate your help!

What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field?

28,000 feet above the sea, I was looking out the window thinking about how to invent a car window that cleans the view without clumsy wipers. Some people might see me as a good boy who is concerned about reducing accidents. No, I was only thinking about making money. My dream was to become a millionaire.

After the financial collapse of my family, my father decided to send me to Thailand where my aunt was living. I went to an international school and mainly studied business and economics to achieve my dream of financial success.

On the night of December 29, 2004, when I was reading a business magazine, I was knocked off my chair. It was a strong earthquake that changed my entire life path. On that night, the tsunami attacked Thailand and left them in pandemonium. I decided to go to Phi Phi Island as a volunteer construction worker. I was about to graduate from high school, so I just thought that the volunteering experience would make my college application look better. I didn't know that it would be my first step to become a civil engineer.

In Phi Phi Island, the entire villages looked like a huge trash. Most people lost their houses and crops in one night. The fact that such a tragedy could occur so abruptly to the island made me think of my dream again. I realized that I wanted to do something rather than just making money. At the moment, I saw the civil engineers were building up the shelters and giving hopes to the people . I joyfully joined the construction team and never in my life have I felt so fruitful and graceful as when I give up my time and help others. Even though I was completely a novice to civil engineering; I felt that civil engineering is what I would like to possess on in my future.

After the volunteer work, I looked into jobs that involved constructing buildings and bridges and I fell in love with civil engineering. Transitioning from the International Baccalaureate Business programs to engineering field was especially difficult for me because my high school classes were, in fact, a business-focused program. I neglected a very important aspect of engineering including science and mathematics courses. Despite of my desire to jump right into the engineering program and gain hands-on experience with other engineers, I decided to go to a community college to get myself ready for the mathematics and physics.

Anxiety clouded my mind with worries when I got an 'F' on the first calculus exam. I yearned to go back to business field until I experience the exciting part of engineering studies. On my last course of calculus final, I had to give a presentation related to calculus. I decided to present how the bridge suspension hangers support tons of cars and trucks. As the team leader, I had to visit some of engineering instructors' office hours for deeper discussions. After further research, I found a fascinating fact that constructing a bridge is not only based on using the complicated sciences but also considering uncertainty of the nature. The project was well presented. The presentation intrigued my increasing interest in engineering and made me dig into engineering more.

I am looking forward to cooperating with engineers from different disciplines. I long for higher education in the field of civil engineering.

Undergraduate / "How i could stand up once again to pursue my dream" - UC Prompt [3]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are? *

My primary school had been chosen as the exemplary science school and at that time, our head master had organized an invention club. Among all my classmates, my homeroom teacher had recommended me for the club. I got involved in it. At that time, I was almost at the bottom of the class scholastically. I was not certain about it before she said, "Don't you like it? I thought you have been participating for many science fairs and it proved that your grade is only a superficial thing. Your grades indicate neither your interests nor potential abilities. I hope to see you doing well in the club." It was just a short talk, but it really encouraged me. In spite of her inspired words, I couldn't help feeling inferior among all the top students at the first meeting. Our first meeting took place in a small conference room next to the staff room. After headmaster's long admonitory speech, we were given our first task for the semester. It was to invent a means of transportation adopting any natural resources. All students were separated into 6 groups with 4 students each. My group held meetings every other day for about 3 months and we finally came up with a space ship using compressed oxygen. Even though our space ship wasn't as technically complicated as it sounds, I believe that we had at least come up with a new and good idea using natural resources. We connected two 2,000 cc Coke bottles together and put a corn shaped cap on top of the connected bottles, so that it looked just like a water rocket. We remodeled a bicycle pump into a launcher. The hardest thing was balancing the rocket, so it flew straight up into the sky. We were not only asked to make a means of transportation, but also a report showing how we came up with the idea and how we progressed. Fortunately, my group members are all specialized in one thing, so we could easily divide our tasks, projecting, writing a report, organizing, and putting it altogether using PowerPoint. Honestly, I believed that it would be possible to put our invention to practical use, only if we could make it big. During a school assembly, each group came presented its invention. After the demonstrations of other groups, finally we launched our space ship launched into the air and it flew in a vertical line. Of course, it neither reached the universe nor even went through an ozone layer; however, the fact that the space ship flew over the heads of all the students proved that our work was worthy of first prize. I felt released from all the burdens that I had been carrying my entire school life due to my bad school record. I enjoyed a priceless joy about own achievement. I wouldn't change anything about it, for that that experience keeps me encouraged even now. During those middle school days, I hadn't achieved anything special. I was busy just doing my course works and trying to fit into standard schooling. I realized that the turning point of my life had come when I met a teacher in grade nine. During our conversation, she said, "Study is different from any other business. Business might be dishonored because of the unexpected matters; however, there are no unexpected matters in studying. If you study hard, you can get an 'A', but if you don't study, you can easily get an 'F'. Study is the best way to secure success in your life." I took it in my heart and came to Thailand following the teacher. It was really hard to study because I nearly gave up studying for the last 3 years, but the accomplishment that I got after an exam kept me moving forward. I believe that I will draw renewed courage from it and can stand me up once again to pursue my dreams whenever I fall down.