Writing Feedback / Sick of Ego - Essay based on a favorite quote [2]

Grammar:
In the first sentence, there should be a comma between the two very's.
"the feeling of dese to be uncommon between people" does not make sense. "Dese" is not a word.
"The best person that can fix our imperfections are ourselves." are should be is because the subject of is 'the best person' not 'imperfections'.

Praise:
I love how the quote almost contrasts with your point in the essay. The essay points out how pointless it is to strive to be different, while your essay relishes in your uniqueness (but also points out that it may be a disadvantage at points).

"I still want to be different, want to be novel, and do not want to live an ordinary human life." This sentence is so relatable, I like it a lot.

Suggestions:
"However, is it really good, to be this different, to always try to be somebody interesting, somebody successful?" this question hints at the fact that your essay will compare and contrast the benefits and disadvantages of being different. However, it seems that your essay's main focus is the benefits. I suggest gearing the question a little more toward that, rather than the disadvantages.

I'm also not sure how I feel about using a question as a segue. It's interesting used here, but sometimes it can feel thrown in.

Scholarship / Precious (What would you say to the entire world?) [4]

**Edits made to my original paper**

Insecurity floods my mind. I cannot help but imagine what the world sees, how I am perceived by the people around me. I lay on my bedroom floor, motionless except the uneven release of hushed breaths. The shirt sleeve pressed against my face grows damp. Through a wet blur, I see my bedroom wall opposite me. It's covered in photographs. A particular picture catches my eye. My two-year-old cousin beams at me from a tiny rectangle taped to my wall. She's so precious. A sudden, new wave of tears drowns me. She will inevitably feel as I do right now. Why? She is bound to feel like she's average, not good enough, or even worthless at some point in her life. Why should she ever feel like she's anything less than precious? My sweet, little cousin should always feel like the shining star that she is. Why did I stop feeling this way? Why does anyone? If I could tell the entire world one thing, it would be that each and every person is absolutely just as precious today as they were the day they were born.

Everyone has something inside them that makes unique and precious. Unfortunately, due to depression or anxiety or lack of self-confidence, people are needlessly led to believe that they are worthless. Sometimes, all a person needs is to be lifted up and told that they are appreciated and loved. With encouragement, the world could develop into a more healthy and happy place for everyone.

Scholarship / 'Challenges are always there to attack your weakest spots' - questbridge Biographical Essay [3]

Praise: I really like your introductory paragraph. It demands the attention of the reader with tragic drama.
I liked your comparison of life to the waves of the ocean.
Suggestions: It seems like you tried to cram a lot into your paper. It's overwhelming to the reader.
It would be easier to follow and understand if the focal point was tied to one or two of the challenges you mentioned.
I think you should leave out the sentence, "In fact, writing this essay and applying for Questbridge are something that I've been struggling with, because I knew I have more disadvantages than other students." It sounds like you're asking for pit in my opinion, and the struggles in your life should be enough to show that you've had disadvantages.

Scholarship / "No-No Boy"; I've always felt comfortable with my culture and happy to be apart of a Peruvian family [4]

Praise:
I like how focused on the benefits of your family structure, and how thankful you are to have them.
Grammar:
You should always type out numbers in essays. (Your "2 languages" should be "two languages".)
There is an "I" in there that needs to be capitalized too.
Suggestions:
I don't know how Ichiro from "No-No Boy" feels. You make me guess throughout your essay. You also do not mention the name of the author, and you always must when writing a narrative responding to a short story.

Starting an essay with a sentence including a short story is not the best way to grab the attention of the reader. If you put yourself into the audience's shoes, not many people have read this short story. (I know you plan on submitting this for a scholarship, and the judges will have likely read your essay, but starting with the story title can still be boring.) If you start with an "attention-grabbing-device" then from the start the reader is going to be captivated by your story, rather than the writer having to fight to keep interest. An attention-grabbing-device should be relatable.

You mention the fact that you have a big family, but you only mention what your mother and father have taught you. What about your brothers and sisters? Or your aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.?

You show you are hardworking, not tell UFC that you are hardworking and willing to put in "110%". Tell them about a time when you have, or leave that sentence out completely.