Undergraduate / How do you expect your education at the Art Insitute of -- to help you attain your career goals? [2]


Overall you didn't do anything bad in this essay, but nothing extraordinary either. What specific things you wish to do? Maybe a famous professor who inspired you to go to this institution? Maybe focus on certain aspect of Photography that you wish to improve?

Basically the main problem of this essay that it almost doesn't say anything unique about yourself.

Undergraduate / Everyone around told me I was reckless - interest or experience of yours that allows us to know.. [3]

a unsociable, brown-eyed boy who only knew the alphabet and the expression 'hi' to a fluent English speaker standing on the podium
I think the physical description here is redundant. Consider changing unsociable to shy/timid. Overall, great sentance.

I have become more open-minded and optimistic character through never-ending challenges.

In my opinion it's a pretty good essay. Think about describing a bit more about the things that changed you.

Undergraduate / I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures in Duke - application essays [5]

Typo..

Any more comments?

Undergraduate / I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures in Duke - application essays [5]

Duke's application essays

if you are applying to the Trinity College of Arts and Sciences as a first year applicant, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something particular about Duke that attracts you? (Please limit your response to no more than 150 words.) 163 words

I wish to become an entrepreneur. I've the needed initiative, and already founded my first company a year ago - an importing business which I closed due to change in regulation. However, I'm applying to Duke because I feel I miss the academic education that will broaden my horizons and teach me how to carry out enterprises better. I believe Duke's Certificate in Innovation and Entrepreneurship will take my business understanding to the next level and help me develop as a professional.

In addition, I'm attracted to Yale's interdisciplinary academic approach. I've been working on algorithmic solutions for reconnaissance satellites during my army duty and I'm passionate about taking Computer Science classes in addition to majoring in Economics. This combination of courses will give me the strong academic base I'm looking for and I would love to pursue it in Trinity College of Arts and Sciences. Furthermore, I think that I can contribute to its cultural diversity and be an integral part of it.

Duke University seeks a talented, engaged student body that embodies the wide range of human experience; we believe that the diversity of our students makes our community stronger. If you'd like to share a perspective you bring or experiences you've had to help us understand you better-perhaps related to a community you belong to, your sexual orientation or gender identity, or your family or cultural background-we encourage you to do so. Real people are reading your application, and we want to do our best to understand and appreciate the real people applying to Duke. (250 word limit) 286 words

I traveled in Southeast Asia for four months on my own, left my old life as an army intelligence officer and took a leap into the unknown. From the scenic Ha Long Bay in Vietnam, to the wonders of Angkor Wat, till the islands of Thailand, it's been a wild ride, and I've learned a lot from it.

This year has been all about learning and immersing myself in different cultures. I perceive it as so valuable because I came to understand that communication doesn't necessarily require language. One of the experiences I remembered most vividly started from a conversation with a lovely local Vietnamese woman named Chi, who spoke almost no English at all. Chi has a local food stool which she operates 14 hours a day, she spends another six hours helping in her daughter's restaurant and she's working like this seven days a week. The conversation with Chi was touching and I ended up spending the next two days with her and her family - living with them as one of the locals.

This particular experience was one of many, which changed my perception of the world and made me grow as a person. It taught me about living life happily and understanding that I don't need fancy gadgets to be happy as much as I need strong connections with people I care about.

While travelling, I perfected my English, learned Spanish and Polish, and also to speak a bit of many other languages. I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures in Duke. Furthermore, I wish to share my experiences with my peers, exposing them to the cultures I've seen during my travels and to open their eyes to different perspectives.

Undergraduate / I wish to become an entrepreneur. I have the needed initiative - NU application essay [5]

Edited version, would love to hear your opinions :)

I'm attracted to northwestern's Financial Economics Certificate program. I spent the last several years investing my own money and although I did beat my benchmark which was the S&P500, I believe that attending this program will take my business understanding to the next level and help me develop as a professional.

I wish to become an entrepreneur. I've the needed initiative, but I'm missing the academic education that will broaden my horizons and teach me how to carry out enterprises. I believe Northwestern's qualities will enable me to prosper as a person and as an entrepreneur. Furthermore, I think that I can contribute to its cultural diversity and be an integral part of it.

In addition, I also love that Northwestern has students from all over the world because it produces a mixture of cultures. I traveled alone around the world for a year, met people from almost every place on the globe and learned many things from them. In addition to perfecting my English, I learned Spanish, Polish, and to speak a bit of many other languages. I wish to continue to expose myself to different cultures and I would love to share my experiences with my peers.

During my army service, I was surrounded by the best and brightest minds that Israel has to offer and endured intricate tasks which required strenuous thinking and collaborative work with my peers. That intellectual atmosphere helped me develop both personally and professionally beyond what I thought myself capable of.

Now, I wish to study at a university that offers a similarly high level of intellectual atmosphere and study with the brightest students from all over the world. I believe that being surrounded by so many successful people will help me develop even further and will inspire me to excel academically and to become a predominant entrepreneur.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : The surveillance of closed-circuit television [5]

Video cameras are the second security es that mean? . For this reason, some parts of the world require the surveillance cameras which are situated in some public areas to prevent illegal actions. However, several people argue that these solutions will give restriction for will harm individual privacy. Therefore, I strongly believe that the implementation of closed-circuit televisions has some merits and demerits. In general - it's always easier to choose one side and stick with it

Firstly, those devices can secure some potential victims to a serious crime when video cameras spread in bus stations. Those tools can give a sense of fear among the criminals due tobecause they realize that legal authority watches the condition in this location.

However, the development of sophisticated video recorders violates individual privacy because the equipments restrict some activities. Take some shoppers as an example, they seem alike a criminal when CCTV take them under control in every corner stores.

Undergraduate / A setting in which I have collaborated or interacted with people whose beliefs differ from mine [3]

Hi,

The description of the model UN gives pretty good picture of it. However, I don't feel that you engaged this part: "address your initial feelings, and how those feelings were or were not changed by this experience.".

The point of the essay is to learn more about you, and about how you deal with conflicts.
I didn't learn a lot here about you - maybe describe more on how you felt protecting your position.

Also, maybe you can use this part: "Sadly my resolution did not pass, as the Spanish delegation's emotions won over the audience.
Afterwards, the Floridian boy came up to me and admitted that my resolution had the perfect solutions and should have been passed. Although I was pleased at his kindness, I told him how I changed my own personal beliefs towards fracking because of his personal experiences."

To say how this lost made you more determined to work on your rhetoric.