Undergraduate / The education life's journey - How are you incomplete? Notre Dame writing supplement [2]

PROMPT: Blessed Basil Moreau, the founder of the Congregation of Holy Cross, described education as "the art of helping young people to completeness." How are you incomplete? (150-200 words)

ESSAY: I'm so grateful for the friends I've made at this stage of my life, and for the knowledge I've gained from the patient tutelage of my teachers. Yet, I know there are even greater challenges and relationships waiting for me in life, and I want to answer that responsibility by doing all that I can to fulfill my role in our world.

One is never truly complete without the education life's journey provides us. That journey is full of limitless opportunity to grow intellectually and spiritually from both formal educational pursuits and the experiences we have with those whom we surround ourselves.

My driving desire is to answer the call I have within to challenge myself educationally rather than to take the road of less resistance. To enter an environment of excellence not only in the academic world, but one which is renown for its student body and way of life. The University of Notre Dame is that calling. For me, acceptance to Notre Dame is the beginning of that path to completeness. This is the fork in the road that has great promise to lead to accomplishment buoyed by a once in a lifetime educational opportunity, or to a path fraught with hazards that are less likely to help fill that desire for accomplishing great things. [END ESSAY]

Any kind of editing would be great! This is 17 words over the limit so please also help me decide what to take out.

Undergraduate / MY STORY - Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I don't want write anything too violent or immoral [4]

PROMPT: A good story starts with a good beginning. Get us hooked in the first 150 words. (word limit 150-200 words)

I wrote two essays. I think I like the second one, but the first might be a little more suspenseful? I just feel like it might be an overdone topic. Also, Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I'm worried about doing anything too violent or immoral. Please tell me which is better and edit that one!

ESSAY #1: I felt the heat before anything else. It burned the back of my neck, grazed my shoulders, and scorched the soles of my feet. The dryness of my mouth struck next. It was impossible to swallow, and my throat was scraped with each inhale.

I felt a rocking sensation. My eyes were crusted shut, but I managed to open them as I vomited. My stomach dropped the second I adjusted to the light. I ached for my previous unconsciousness.

The sky was cloudless. The sun was directly overhead, blistering my skin and chapping my lips. The view was the same regardless of the direction I turned my head. I was surrounded by endless water, salty waves calmly lapping at the sides of the small wooden structure-a door, or maybe a legless table-that was solely responsible for keeping me afloat. Nothing interrupted the horizon. My eyes desperately scanned for the reinvigorating sight of land or a boat, but I was utterly alone. My heart began beating fast in my throat, my breathing shallow and too frequent. A scream tried to escape my mouth, but caught in the hoarse dryness.

Where was I? How did I get here? What was I going to do?

ESSAY #2: The boat slowed to a stop, and I smiled as my windblown hair fell about my face. Each ocean wave sprayed salty mist against my skin. The sun threw shades of purple, orange, and pink as it rose on the horizon. I giggled in excitement, pulling my wet suit over my shoulders.

I awkwardly waddled in my fins to meet my father at the back of the boat. He helped as I routinely strapped on all the gear-the weight belt, the BCD vest attached to the air tank, and the air regulator-and I eagerly waited as he did the same. Finally, holding tight to my mask, I jumped.

I stayed afloat on the warm ocean waves for only a moment. Soon I was smiling, regulator in mouth, breathing the clean oxygen, sinking further and further into the deep blue. Fish shimmered as they swam by. My father was underwater, too, and guided my attention to the large opening of a cave in the rocks below.

Colorful coral decorated the area, and mesmerizing creatures were abundant, but the cave held my interest. We'd never explored this abyss. I swam into the mystery.

Undergraduate / Describe your notion of "the good life." [3]

PROMPT: We often hear the phrase 'the good life'. In fact, the University of Florida's common course required of all undergraduate students is titled "What is the Good Life?". The concept of 'the good life' can be interpreted in many different ways depending upon the experiences, values and aspirations of each individual.

In a concise narrative, describe your notion of 'the good life'. How will your undergraduate experience at the University of Florida prepare you to live 'the good life'?

ESSAY: When we take our last moments on earth into consideration, we all hope that we may be able to reflect upon our lives and know they were well spent. It is the most pivotal goal of mankind- to live a good life. This "good life" is defined differently and specifically for each individual, of course, as everyone is unique in their values and understanding. I personally consider "the good life" to be a meaningful one. I plan to lead a worthwhile life through my devotion to helping others.

I believe a meaningful life is one lived beyond oneself, fulfilling not only one's values and desires but also those of the people within the same society. Albert Einstein once said, "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." The good life is full of compassion and aid for others. I yearn to help the people around me, to give back to the community. As a member of Navarre High School's student government association, I design projects to benefit others. We collect clothes and canned goods for less fortunate families annually, and work towards bettering communities outside ours through organizations such as Peace Passers, which collaborates with partners to collect soccer equipment for children around the world. By taking these small steps throughout the years to help others, I have had a glimpse at a more meaningful life.

I intend to continue this idea of a worthwhile life through a career in cardiology. It is my greatest ambition to help others and to have an impact on lives with acquired medicinal skills. The idea of improving the health of various patients by providing diagnoses and prescribing treatments fills me with feelings of joy and excitement. I know by pursuing my aspired career I can live my own definition of "the good life." The University of Florida will prepare me for this good, meaningful, worthwhile life as it grants the knowledge I need to follow what I feel is my true purpose in life. <END ESSAY>

Okay this is my first time using this website! This is a VERY rough draft of my UF application essay. Please please please pick away at it! I want all the criticism and suggestions you have. It's really short, so any ideas on what else I should include/if I should write more about anything already mentioned are especially welcomed! Thanks so much!