Undergraduate / I have learned how to use a power screw earlier than the handling of TV remote control - MIT [2]

"enlisted" maybe use engaged. enlisted sounds weird.

"My father's workplace seemed an endless playground in which he climbed ceilings to install telephone wires, entered what looked like black holes into the basement " implement "like" between "seemed" and "an". Replace "in which" with "where." Reword "entered what looked like black holes into the basement" to perhaps "entered inside what appeared to be black holes in the basement"

"the ability to work with my hands seemed the greatest, more admirable quality" reword to: "the ability of working with my hands was the greatest and most admirable quality."

"What we lacked in gender diversity, we made up in increased opportunities that allowed me to participate in intellectual conversation about the string theory while performing duets with the strings of the violin."

Edit to: "What we lacked in gender diversity, we made up in increased opportunities; such as one that allowed me to participate in intellectual conversations about string theory and perform the theory with my violin."

All in all its really minor things. It is pretty good as far as I can tell. Just give a read or two and try to maybe polish it up to make it better. Anyway nice job

Scholarship / Skillset in a million over a perfect student [5]

My redo of the essay. Hopefully it is better and actually pertains to what scholarship committees want.

Growing up in my city, most kids played sports outside, swam, or did what most juveniles were expected to do. I happened to stay inside most of the time and read books and magazines about science and technology. I did not understand all of it, but it was definitely enthralling to me. In high school is where my interest in engineering became prominent. Instead of watching T.V. or "being" a typical teenager, I indulged in reading articles and many books, mainly about scientists, engineers, and their accomplishments and theories. I was labeled as an oddball and nerd, but my passion protruded and it is why I venture to become what I have aspired to be for so long; an Engineer. Now that I am in college, I am one step closer to accomplishing my goal. I have maintained a steady GPA and have received exceptional grades in my classes, while juggling my involvement in clubs, and social life. One club that I have associated myself with and stayed with is the Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers. Through them I have volunteered for numerous events including: MESA day, Science day, our yearly pumpkin toss event on campus, and an event called LA Familia; where we teach adults and people how to use basic programs on the computer. We as a club also do intramurals and participate in yearly competitions between fellow engineering clubs. Where we have won titles several years. I am also involved in my church and affiliate with the people there. I attend a youth group every week and social events hosted by the church. Through them I have volunteered at the local food bank and made food boxes to distribute amongst needy families. My involvement in school is not only limited to clubs, for example I have done an Ethnography research on someone with cerebral palsy and their relation to their devices every day; a body-machine relationship. I also researched upon how scholarships affect students' lives, and what they think about the distribution of scholarships. My plan is to graduate from the University of Arizona with an Engineering degree in Honors and make as many memories and opportunities as possible. The only way to be able to initiate my plan is to receive aid from external resources. My college expenses are about 30% of my parents' income and they already have their own expenses including raising my siblings. I do not make enough money to be able to pay for my costs, and I do not possess the time to work a full-time job. If I had an external investment in my studies, I would use that investment primarily to buy books and supplies that I shall require for my classes. It is the only way I will ever be able to accomplish my lifelong dream. I appreciate for you to have taken the time to read this, and for giving me an opportunity to be considered for your award with my submission.

Undergraduate / As the child of a pastor, I learned the meaning of being well-rounded through being reliable [3]

For example, I have watched my father and mother lead a church which causes then to be able to relate and handle many different situations. This sentence is unimportant as it has nothing to do with you. You want to talk about you as much as possible, because the question asks about YOU. It leads to readers questioning as to "so what?" I did not ask you that.

Explain how you are "well-rounded through being reliable, resilient and flexible which are important qualities as a leader" what situations specifically.

"I was pushed beyond my own limitations in order to reach my goal." What limitations? You need to write your essay as if you were talking to the person. If you can come up with questions within your writing or think perhaps you would need to be present to explain to them what you meant, then you need to provide more examples and clarification. Write the essay like you were directly at an interview.

"The development of myself has produced strong leadership skills and determination that I demonstrate in my schoolwork, as I run track, church, and in my home" reword this. Maybe " My development as a leader has enveloped leadership skills and tenacity that is prominent in school, sports, at church, and at home. (then explain how it is demonstrated in those areas, like examples and what skills specifically)

"As for my role in leadership, I am the one to take action when people are in need of help. Consequently, I have a younger sister and two younger brothers looking up to me. It is my responsibility to lead by example." -reword- sounds like a robot talking. Let it flow. For example maybe word it like "A role associated in leadership is to initiate the action of providing people with help when required. I need to take the responsibility of being a leader in order to have my siblings cite me as a role model and have them follow me as an example." Something like that.

"I accomplish this by being determined to do my best and not give up" maybe word it " I am determined to lead and be a role model by performing my best and by not giving up."

"The FAMU community will gain a person determined to make positive changes starting with school and ending with the world." just say something such as "The FAMU community shall gain a member willing to implement changes throughoutt the world." (do not use the same word repeatedly i.e. determination. Use different words when you can.

Your essay has the idea, but just use the best language and syntax possible. You are competing with other applicants, so you want to make yours stand out and sound like you are an intelligent person that really put effort into the essay. All of these changes and things are suggestions, so feel free to obviously write it how you want, its your essay.

Scholarship / Skillset in a million over a perfect student [5]

I see. Yes I shall redo it right away, I appreciate the suggestion and still have time to redo and repost. Thank you