Writing Feedback / 'broader roads, logical control'; stuck on road in rush hours - many cars, motorbikes move slowly [2]

Hi Anthony,

My corrections are just my ideas of how the essay should be :) Hope they help. There are some word repetitions in your essay. For example, 'free tickets', 'even so' had been repeated so many times :)

It is stuck on road in rush hours and many cars ,and motorbikes move slowly. Traffic jams hashave been a big concern offor society for a long time. It is thought that if governments supports free-ticket for passengers who use public transport means, it will be the best solution for traffic jams but I obviously(I'm not sure if 'obviously' is suitable) do not think as that way.

There are two reasons making free-ticket for public means does not work effectively.

Firstly, the fee of tickets is not a reason leading to used private car overload, which is the main reason makesfor traffic jams. People, who use private vehicles, have money and they do not want to use public means due to its inconveniences . While, people, who use public means, do not have much money to afford for private means so they are not factors do traffic jams .(....,while ....) Therefore, even free ticket does not attract people, who have money, turning from using private into public means and nothingcould be changesd .

Secondly, the fee of ticket now is cheap and affordable for almost people to buy so even free ticket or not, it is fullly filled in public means now . If free-ticket law is enacted, it may cause some troublesproblems such as: people, who have a little money, are willing to pay a driver to get on the bus soon so it is not fair for people, who do not have money, did stand in queue for a while.

In conclusion, free ticket may just supports for the poor and improves their living standard rather than a solution for traffic congestion. What we need to do is try to make the roads broader or control the traffic logically.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Decreasing Levels of Fresh Water [7]

Hi Remansou,

I think your essay is really good. But you may get more points in coherence and cohesion if you could add some more linking words; and some more complex sentences, like relative clauses or so.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Wars essay - natural resources might be considered as a primary reason for wars [3]

Hi nanaakosah,

Yea, I thought of that too but my memory about them is too vague. And in fact, these in my essay is more recent.

Thank you,

Meagan

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, smoking is consider as a world wide phenomenon - should it be forbidden? [7]

Hi,

These correction are just my opinion :)

Nowadays, smoking is considered as a world wide phenomenon. Also, people refer to smoking as like dying but slowly and smokingit steals some years of a person's life , which is really horrible and peoplethey should be aware of the consciousness (?) . So, smoking should be banned , because it will effectaffect the environment badly and it will lead people to serious diseases.

Firstly , smoking should be banned , because it will harm the environment in a bad way (This sentence is grammatical correct but I think you should use some uncommon words, rather than 'bad ways') . Air pollution is one of the causes that would definitely effectaffect the environment (I think you should explain this before introduce a new idea) . After that , it will effectaffect/influence/impact people's lifelives, Among them non-smokers peopleincluding non-smokers' . It will put them in difficult positions . For Example, they will have to wear masks to cover their mouths whenever they pass by a smoker . Another thingexample is(I don't think 'thing' is an academic word) , they have to avoid some certain places, Such as , open places like markets and streets . So , Smokers will force people to be indoors instead of going to outdoors places .

Secondly , Smoking is so dangerous , it might effectaffect people's health thatand lead them to serious severe diseases . Eventually , they will die if they didn'tdid not take the precautions from the beginning . Next , there are different types of diseases that could be resulted from smoking . One of them is could be fast like lung cancer(lung cancer is not a disease) and the other types could be slow that will show up after twenty years or more . For Example , livers will shut down and it won't function normally . Also , it might effectaffect the teeth badly by having a black and yellow stains all over the teeth .

FinallyIn conclusion, , Smoking should be prohibited , at least some of the places where families gather around like parks and open areas . So , it is a bad habit(Unclear pronoun reference, I think) . People should be aware of the outcomes . Also , I advise smokers to quit as soon as possible before it'sit is too late.

Writing Feedback / Teachers should teach academic or social subjects [2]

The Selection of topics for education is often(has been) very controversial. While I agree that teachers can teach their students to build up appropriate behaviours and fair judgments, I personally think it is more important to teach them academic subjects at schools.

On the one hand, teaching students to distinguish good and bad, right and wrong is very difficult to be subjective. These social standards are common senses, they are not straight forward enough to be documented and explained logically as a subject. Content delivered in class differs from teachers to teachers, depends(depending) on their personal viewpoints. Moreover, it could be even counter-effective if the teacher does not act according to what he or she teaches. I think the best approach to teach youngsters how to evaluate a situation is by examples, which are set by both parents and teachers, wherever possible.

On the other hand, academic subjects are often so pragmatic and deep that only teachers are qualified to educate others. Teachers are often(have been) trained well in their subjects. (Shouldn't you explain this before the next point) . Schools can purchase more facilities to encourage students to apply their academic knowledge to gain experience. For example, learning Chemistry from a teacher with school equipment help students remember the lesson through practice. Each subject curriculum can be built and governed by Ministry of Education to maintain consistence across different schools and teachers. In this way, relocated students adapt to the new school and subjects more quickly.

In conclusion, I believe teachers should teach academic subjects in classes and set good examples of social behaviours whenever possible for their students to follow.

I think this is a good essay. However, there are repetitions of several words, such as 'teach', 'students', etc. And one of the ideas in the second paragraph of your body is not explained :)

Writing Feedback / Illiteracy cause and effect essay [6]

Hi lightjade,

Your comments and corrections help me so much. I think I understand those phrases/words more clearly and accurately.

Thank you,

Meagan

Writing Feedback / Illiteracy cause and effect essay [6]

Dear lightjade,

First of all, thank you so much for taking your time to help me. However, there are some of your corrections that I couldn't understand, could you please explain

1. on the increase/on the rise: they are both idioms, so why can't I use 'increase' in this context?
2. educational fees: I meant any fees that are related to education, not just school fees in particular so would 'educational fees' be fine then?
3. what are the difference between 'huge volume' and 'large/high volume'? I meant I've seen both 'high volume of sales' and 'huge volume of sales' in many articles but I don't know how they are different.

Thank you so much in advance.

Meagan