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IELTS: Decreasing Levels of Fresh Water

Remansou 8 / 23 9  
Oct 23, 2014   #1
Topic: Decreasing levels of fresh water sources are becoming a global issue. What are the reasons? What can be done by governments to prevent it?

There has been an alarming reduction in the amount of waterground tables in the last decade. This depletion in water level of aquifers has become a worldwide issue. There are various reasons behind this and also several measures could be taken to tackle this problem.

The fist cause of water sources drawdown is inappropriate water consumption pattern in the countries across the world. In Iran, for instance, the water consumption per capita is six times more than the global average, which has resulted in largely depleting of water tables. Water tables which simply function as the Earth natural water tanks play a very pivotal role in life of human beings and the nature itself. The lower the elevation of the water table would be, the more drought and ecological disasters and threats could occur. This problem can be solved if the social awareness arises by the governments thereby encouraging individuals to reduce the misuse of water thereby imposing strict rules as prohibitions. This is a burden on individuals to consume water in an efficient way.

The second cause of aquifers' water loss is lack of efficient drainage systems in order to facilitate the infiltration of surface water and precipitations into the ground. In the absence of such management and supervision, the water would definitely waste and its destination would be directed to wrong places which would be out of control. As a result, the yield of precipitation would reduced in an alarming rate. This issue can be addressed by the government investment in the field of enhancing agricultural processes, as well as controlling surface water direction by constructing dams, water barriers, canals and drains which will result in increasing water elevation in aquifers.

To conclude, it is clear that the main causes of reducing levels of water tables are inappropriate water consumption pattern in societies and lack of efficient systems for directing water provided by precipitations. However, this incompetent trend could be prevented and resolved by measures taken by the governments and with consciously contribution of individuals.

I would be grateful if I could have your comments about my essay

Atom007 2 / 11 1  
Oct 23, 2014   #2
That first paragraph is unnecessary.I know you are just trying to make an introductory paragraph.But you should enter the essay directly.Start with something like " ----- and ----- have been two major causes." Then you can write some other follow up and finish that paragraph with something like "as I elaborate below."Repeating the prompt seems unprofessional. That's just what I think.
OP Remansou 8 / 23 9  
Oct 23, 2014   #3
Dear Atom,

Many thanks for your attention. I am just trying to take an IELTS exam and this is what I have read about the approved structure for essays in their format.I am not so certain about it so I would be pleased if you could explain more about writing the introduction paragraph.

Thanks again
bteng011284 2 / 6 1  
Oct 23, 2014   #4
i dont think you need any revision with your structure, i think your introduction is appropriate and concise. However, you may improve your writing skills by including more complex grammar,

you did great on elaborating your opinion and your conclusion were drawn from your statement which is good.
Your essay sounds academic.,
Atom007 2 / 11 1  
Oct 23, 2014   #5
I can understand why you're writing that way.English is not your first language or you might not be very good at writing essays,which is not a crime.You shouldn't always write one or two sentences in form of an introductory paragraph and move on with a new one,just because you want to make your essay "standard." You can actually give your first point in that first paragraph and move on with the second point in a new one.Answer the question directly.You should write what you feel,with your intuition.
thongdat1608 3 / 7 3  
Oct 29, 2014   #6
Hi Remansou,

I think your essay is really good. But you may get more points in coherence and cohesion if you could add some more linking words; and some more complex sentences, like relative clauses or so.
OP Remansou 8 / 23 9  
Oct 31, 2014   #7
Good points. Thank you Meagan! I'll try to observe them in further writings.

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