Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 7

Nowadays, smoking is consider as a world wide phenomenon - should it be forbidden?


Naeemah 1 / 3  
Oct 27, 2014   #1
Hello everyone , so I'm taking an essay class that focus on argumentative essay . I found some difficulty while I'm writing the essay specially on the refutation part . Where should I refute and how?

So kindly please give me your honest feedback , so later on I'll avoid these mistakes .

Should Smoking be Banned?

Nowadays , Smoking is consider as a world wide phenomenon . Also , people refer to smoking as like dying but slowly and smoking steal some years of a person's life , which is really horrible and people should be aware of the consciousness . So , Smoking should be banned , because it will effect the environment badly and it will lead people to serious diseases .

First , Smoking should be banned , because it will harm the environment in a bad way . Air pollution is one of the causes that would definitely effect the environment . After that , it will effect people's life , Among them non-smokers people . It will put them in difficult position . For Example : they will have to wear masks to cover their mouths whenever they pass by a smoker . Another thing , they have to avoid some certain places . Such as , open places like markets and streets . So , Smokers will force people to be indoors instead of going to outdoors places .

Second , Smoking is so dangerous , it might effect people's health that lead them to serious severe diseases . Eventually , they will die if they didn't take the precautions from the beginning . Next , there are different types of diseases that could be resulted from smoking . One of them is could be fast like lung cancer and the other type could be slow that will show up after twenty years or more . For Example , liver will shut down and it won't function normally . Also , it might effect the teeth badly by having a black and yellow stains all over the teeth .

Finally , Smoking should be prohibited , at least some of the places where families gather around like parks and open areas . So , it is a bad habit . People should be aware of the outcome . Also , I advise smokers to quit as soon as possible before it's too late .

Remansou 8 / 23 9  
Oct 27, 2014   #2
I think you have better use more conjunctions and also be careful about ed and s
Smoking is considered as a world wideworldwide
smoking steals some years
OP Naeemah 1 / 3  
Oct 27, 2014   #3
Hey there !

Thank you and I really appreciate it . Any idea about the refutation ?
thongdat1608 3 / 7 3  
Oct 29, 2014   #4
Hi,

These correction are just my opinion :)

Nowadays, smoking is considered as a world wide phenomenon. Also, people refer to smoking as like dying but slowly and smokingit steals some years of a person's life , which is really horrible and peoplethey should be aware of the consciousness (?) . So, smoking should be banned , because it will effectaffect the environment badly and it will lead people to serious diseases.

Firstly , smoking should be banned , because it will harm the environment in a bad way (This sentence is grammatical correct but I think you should use some uncommon words, rather than 'bad ways') . Air pollution is one of the causes that would definitely effectaffect the environment (I think you should explain this before introduce a new idea) . After that , it will effectaffect/influence/impact people's lifelives, Among them non-smokers peopleincluding non-smokers' . It will put them in difficult positions . For Example, they will have to wear masks to cover their mouths whenever they pass by a smoker . Another thingexample is(I don't think 'thing' is an academic word) , they have to avoid some certain places, Such as , open places like markets and streets . So , Smokers will force people to be indoors instead of going to outdoors places .

Secondly , Smoking is so dangerous , it might effectaffect people's health thatand lead them to serious severe diseases . Eventually , they will die if they didn'tdid not take the precautions from the beginning . Next , there are different types of diseases that could be resulted from smoking . One of them is could be fast like lung cancer(lung cancer is not a disease) and the other types could be slow that will show up after twenty years or more . For Example , livers will shut down and it won't function normally . Also , it might effectaffect the teeth badly by having a black and yellow stains all over the teeth .

FinallyIn conclusion, , Smoking should be prohibited , at least some of the places where families gather around like parks and open areas . So , it is a bad habit(Unclear pronoun reference, I think) . People should be aware of the outcomes . Also , I advise smokers to quit as soon as possible before it'sit is too late.
OP Naeemah 1 / 3  
Oct 30, 2014   #5
Thank you very much! That was really helpful . About this sentence "should be aware of the consciousness" I meant by consequences . =D

I really appreciate all the effort .
Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 30, 2014   #6
First , Smoking should be banned
Second , Smoking is so dangerous
You should reveal your reasons immediately when it comes to body paragraphs. Therefore, those sentence must be omitted.
OP Naeemah 1 / 3  
Oct 30, 2014   #7
Hello there .

Hmmm , from what I've learned the body paragraph should start with a topic sentence .


Home / Writing Feedback / Nowadays, smoking is consider as a world wide phenomenon - should it be forbidden?