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Posts by Cuynomellen
Name: Renie Mellen
Joined: Nov 12, 2014
Last Post: Feb 11, 2015
Threads: 4
Posts: 3  
From: Indonesia
School: Airlangga University

Displayed posts: 7
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Cuynomellen   
Feb 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / Coffee export in three different countries in South America - IELTS task 1 [2]

The line graph below in the amount of coffee exported from three countries between 2002 and 2012.

The line graph provides a breakdown of information in terms of the amount of export in coffee from three different South American countries between 2002 to 2012 over a-10 year period. This figure is measured in millions of kilograms.

Overall, what stands out from the graph examines that coffee exports experienced an upward and downward trend. On the other hand, coffee exports in three different countries tended to reveal a dramatic rise throughout the period.

A more detailed look at the graph reveals that Coffee export from Brazil and Colombia recorded a significant rise in the reminder of the time. The number of coffee exports in Brazil inclined dramatically from 2002 to 2012 between 10 to 25, a rise of around 15 kilogram. Standing in contrast, the total of coffee exports from Colombia leveled out in the same period.

The striking point is that the figure in 2006 of Colombia was a dramatic decline at just under 10 million. By comparison, approximately 15 million was a slight increase in Brazil. Another interesting change, in 2010 the figure for Brazil was a moderate decline, representing roughly 18 kilograms, whilst the number of coffee exports saw a slight climb, with figure accounted for 15 kilograms. In the end of period, the figure for Brazil was higher than Colombia, regarding the amount of coffee exports accounted for about 25 kilograms. However, the figure of Colombia recorded the second list of coffee export, about 20 kilograms.

By far coffee export in Costa Rica stood at 5 kilogram,which was the lowest of other two countries. In sharp contrast to this, it pointed out a significant grow in 2006, at just over 10 kilograms. After the next years, it plummeted to 2 kilogram in 2008. Conversely, the data saw a significant climb from 2010 to 2012 between 10 and 15, an increase of 5 kilograms.



  • task1.jpg
Cuynomellen   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Professional jobs are undervalued, whilst actors or company bosses are paid huge money [3]

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses,doctors, and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.

How far do you agree? What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?

Money is essential role in life. People who have different professional tend to earn huge sums of money. A case of point, nurses, doctors, and teacher are essential to society, they seem to be underpaid while actors and CEO are overpaid. Although, this condition is seem unfair. People are paid based on what they deserve. This essay will examine some criteria to decided the amount of money people are paid.

Admittedly, not all movie stars earn high salaries. As a matter of fact, a survey in Europe, around 70 percent of actors are unemployment. Moreover, actors and top leader in companies are unstable occupations which lack of security condition. A case of point, several leader will paid low income which depends on the profit from their business. In addition, actors also paid in every episode of movies which rely on the movie production. As a result, both of jobs perhaps will gain a limit money.

On the other hand, doctors, nurse or teachers are not undervalued situation which earn low paid. Rooted in the fact by journal. Doctor will earn money ranged from $200,000 to about 550,000 a year, and in other research, teacher's annual income is about just over $85,000 on average. Based on this data examine that they are will earn huge sums of money. By doing so, this situation will capture true condition which they have a huge opportunities to earn the amount of money.

In terms of the criteria which is a prominent part for measuring how much money people are paid. I think the first is good qualification which include job experiences, high-skills and educational background. Secondly, the position or level in work fields. Both of criteria should be examine throughly when the amount of money will measured.

The aforementioned evidences examine that professional job have more opportunities to earn money than actors or leader of companies. Where possible, people assumption will be wrong when we cogitate about the data of the survey. It is imperative that people are better to decide their career path which based on their passions.
Cuynomellen   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'many young people feel tired from studing'; To work or to travel after finishing high school? IELTS [3]

After finishing high school many young people feel tired from studing. So they deside to work or to travel for a year before going to university. There are a lot advantages and disadvantages.

For your introduction;
People have their own right to decided their future. Several people tend to be further their education, whereas others are more likely to go traveling. Although, this condition will be better for their future life, I firmly believe that this issue have merits and demerits.

My suggestion:
you will put hook in the first sentences to be more impressive for reader
The second sentences will be better if you paraphrase from the question which use contradictory phenomenon in societies or trend issue related with questions.
The third sentences is your personal opinion as your position in your writing.

Please keep writing as many as you can. I believe that your writing will improve significantly when you always write in several different topics.

Keep fighting Ainura!!!
Cuynomellen   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Iran and Israel were in war period, but they released their problems and want to part in World Cup [2]

International sporting events such as the Olympic Games and the Football Word Cup provide an outlet for patriotic feelings, and help reduce international tensions.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


International sporting events are a prominent part for world cooperation, especially international tensions. They also describe people's patriotic feelings to support their favorite teams. Although the fact will be undeniable, I believe that these events bring a huge benefit impacts in international.

Admittedly, sport events are a big part tournament for people because people are waiting for a long period for euphoria events. Rooted in fact, people have their own special teams and they tend to be loyal support for their teams. People all around the world, for example, are really enthusiastic to watch World Cup and they sacrifice their amount of money as supporters in football competitions. They tend to have their patriotic feelings for their teams which come from their motherland. As result, people have their patriotic feelings to show what they feel, especially their country's teams.

Apart from those tangible benefits, these international events possess offer values. One of them is to reduce international tensions. The reason is that all countries want to be a part of these events. For instance, South Korea and North Korea had a part in World Cup event. Needless to say, both of countries had a political conflict and they wanted to prevent their revenge for football events. This can be seen, supporter from each country were seems to be calm in competition area. As a consequence, these events bring benefit impacts to reduce international tensions in sport competitions.

READ BELOW
Cuynomellen   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Internet is a wonderful tool for making new friends [2]

People will maintain their relationship can still keep in touchwith their friends without meeting face-to-face.

My suggestion for your writing;
Putting advance lexical chunking make impressive reader.
Using collocation will be better to increase you score
Please check worsen because I think this word not really appropriate.
Keep fighting mass_an, I believe you can do it.
Cuynomellen   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'nouveaux riche' - Technology increases or reduces the rich poor gap? [3]

Please, arranging your body with general to specific. This is my suggestion for your body;

Admittedly, technology will give more opportunities for people who live under poverty line especially education. Due to the fact that education is a basic need for brilliant career, people will cut down poverty number. For instance, Khan academy, an education website, give resources which are free for access in remote areas. Other examples, scholarship sites which are published in university, giving much more opportunities with equal proportions. As a result, deprived people will gain positive feedback for their future jobs which will earn a huge sums of money.

My suggestion is be more specific in each main idea.
Your flow sentences will good when you use ; main idea, reasons, specific example and results.
Cuynomellen   
Nov 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / The way of using internet is developing during the time especially in the globalization era; IELTS [NEW]

Discuss advantages and diadvantages of internet
The way of using internet is developing during the time especially in the globalization era. Majority of people access internet in all their activity. Even though the Internet has the potential to make our lives simple and convenient, it also holds the power to wreak havoc such as pornography. While I believe that internet is a double edge sword, I would argue that internet users should cogitate about how to access in a smart way.

On the on hand, the spread of the internet has a positive development. The best example in this issue is students in the university especially when they do their essay. We already know that college students only use catalog for listing tittle of books in the library in the past. However, nowadays, printed scientific publications, and data will be easy for surfing resources on the internet. The specific book will easy to find in book sources at Google Wikipedia, and journal bank for specific journal subjects. Moreover, we gain easy access through newspapers, e-catalog and shopping online. To sum up, Internet is of essential propagator in knowledge which includes all specific science subjects.

On the other hand, the negative impact of internet is pornography which is not just frowned upon by most societies and it is also banned by some. In reality, The Internet makes uploading shocking content so easy, that we end up coming across inappropriate words and images, despite not wanting to. The worst is being underage porn, which is largely rampant in the deeper parts of the web. It is the lack of control over the distribution and unrestricted access for pornographic materials. That is detrimental to children. In special case, several children watch porn on the internet and it does not special program to blacklist pornography sites. All in all, internet has negative impact which is influence in our behavior.

The aforementioned evidence shows that in the modern era, internet is one of the prominent sources and our life will be easier to get everything, even it also has some disadvantages which bring some damaging impacts for our society. One thing that strikes me back is that people should use internet with care, and government should solve this issue as soon as possible because the impact of internet will damage our young generation.
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