Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by LFAle
Name: Alessandro Rosato
Joined: Nov 17, 2014
Last Post: Dec 3, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

From: Italy
School: University of Pavia

Displayed posts: 8
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LFAle   
Dec 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IETLS W1 poverty rates by age and gender (bar chart) and family composition of women in poverty... [3]

Hello! These are the graphs belove my answer
"You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


Write at least 150 words.
"
--

The charts illustrate poverty rates by age and gender (bar chart) and family composition of women in poverty (pie chart). They refer to United States in 2008.

It is clear that women were significantly poorer than men, and the former were nearly all single women. In detail, being single was the key feature with a total of 80% made up of single women with no dependent children (54%) and ones with dependent children (26%). In addition, the third main poverty percentage regards married women with dependent children (12%).

Furthermore, we can see how women poverty rate were a continuum of decrease throughout the first period of life; around 20% of poverty rate under 5 years old, to approximately 8% at 44-54, despite a peak at 18-24 where poverty rate went back to 20%. Thereafter, according to the bar chart, the rates increased gradually in late adulthood.

Finally men, who had a similar initial poverty rate (around 20%), ended up having a significant fall in poverty rate with age (approximately 5% at 75-up compared with around 15% for women).






LFAle   
Dec 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nowadays people are valued by their social rank or materialistic activity - IELTS essay [4]

I think that sometimes you used improper term for academic language.
Secondly I agree with "Modewap" about paragraph organization and overall I think that the argument was not "is it right to judge people according to social status and material possessions" etc. but rather, "do you agree or disagree that nowadays people seems to be judge according to social status etc. etc.? " .

Task achievement is as important as grammar mistakes in Ielts
LFAle   
Nov 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Internet is an excellent source of communication, but some people suggest it's hard to find info [2]

Hello! do you think that this is worthy of a 7 ielts mark?IT IS A WRITING TEST 2
It is generally believed that the internet is an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not be the best place to find information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays the Internet has become one of the main sources of information, even if it is hard to select and evaluate them. On the other hand it has an unique power to connect people.

The internet is the perfect medium to communicate, from e-mails to the latest social networks it is easy and quick to talk on a global scale. For example people who met each other around the world or during exchange periods, have the chance to keep in touch and talk in live-view for free, thanks to the skype application.

Nevertheless, internet users find themselves in the "over-information" era, where anyone can upload online contents contributing to an overflow of data. For instance on our social networks it is common to find an infinite range of shared contents whereof people are not able to verify the sources, due also to famous online journals which are the first to amplify fake news.

However, if the Internet had not existed we would have not had such a direct access to documents and contents from all over the globe, learning and studying from sources miles and miles away. Above all, thanks to streaming connection we can attend live online conferences as if we were there, asking questions and participating in the conversation. In the United States, Stanford University often report open-classes videos on internet, and it is an amazing opportunity for anyone to watch those videos since its privileged university-ranking.

Therefore to sum up, in my perspective the Internet is the most suitable place to communicate and to find relevant information.
LFAle   
Nov 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Youth crime are increasing rapidly around the world. What are the reasons & suggest solution [2]

improve the intro.
Correcting yours.
"Nowadays The intensity of youth crimeS are THE most familiar throughout in the world, increasing day by day"
In the intro you have to "paraphrase" the topic, and showing what are you going to say. You cannot start your first paragraph after the intro with "however" it already makes me confused about your thesis.

"Another important idea that can not but be pointed out" syntax
Try to write short sentences.
In general I think you can really organize better your essay. It is not clear. You should be more precise in paragraphs, they are very important in order to take good marks in Ielts.

I feel you can improve a lot, but in my opinion you have to be more schematic and to have a clearer workflow

LFAle   
Nov 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Living room has tremendous of contemporary technologies - Your favorite room. [3]

"when it comes to my house" why not simply
"Living room is the most important one in my house" .
I would avoid long sentences aboe all in the introduction. I would write in the first line "...house for the presence of contemporary fitness equipment and its dimensions, allowing me to train easily."

Then i personally do not like the statement about what you are going to talk. show it in the introduction and then in the paragraphs, do not say it

In the conclusion use "therefore" rather than "so" it might be considered for an higher score since its formal.

Nice range of vocabularies (obviously it can always be implemented)
LFAle   
Nov 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / Is it more important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money? [ielts writing task 2] [8]

Hi! thank you very much for your help, I am taking my exam in 2 weeks and I need to understand the level of my writings, which Ielts wark would you give to it?.Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

-Nowadays, issues regarding the link between job and an happy life are very common:
on one side people who think that loving their job is essential, others who think that money is the key in order to have a satisfying life. I think that both views can be correct to certain extents, but to me doing a job that you enjoy leads to a more fulfilled life.

Firstly, money cannot buy happiness but can really help to achieve it: people can do an infinity of things such as travelling a lot, having expensive hobbies and going often to eat out. Above all they do not have to be worried about saving money, which is one of the most popular problems in life. On the other hand if you choose this way, you might be bored everyday going to work, splitting your life between doing something that you do not love and enjoying your life spending what you have just earnt.

Secondly, another reason is time: if you enjoy what you do, you will consider working as a integrated part of your life, a pleasing "continuum" between your personal life and your professional one. It is priceless getting up in the morning with a big smile: we are never completely dressed without it.

Thirdly, loving what you do makes you do it better (which often means earning more money too). If all the people in the world really loved their job how amazing our earth would it be?! Everything would work better, people would be less stressed: if everybody feeled good, we would be happier.

Obviously having both money and happiness would be perfect, however I strongly believe that money are just a fallacious way for happiness, and that between a good income and an enjoyable job everyone should go for the second one.-
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