Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by keylijosselyn
Name: Keyli Flores
Joined: Dec 2, 2014
Last Post: Jan 1, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 8  

From: United States of America
School: North Bergen High School

Displayed posts: 9
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keylijosselyn   
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / 'Just as an artist' - my vision is to bring a new style of business to NYU and then the world [6]

Your essay tackles the question thoroughly. It's well thought-out. The only suggestion I have is that you can shortly elaborate on the unethical practices that you want to disconnect from business. Perhaps specifying the specifics on why you want to create that disconnect.

My goal is to break any connection between business and unethical practices.

I hope this helped. good luck!
If you get the chance can you check out my essay?
keylijosselyn   
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / SmartCase of any color or any print, the back made out of durable gorilla glass-like material [3]

In the first essay, I would tell the friends name, and the store name (even if its a made up one), I think specifics always make improvement.

upload images at any time, accept when unplugged to

except

I like the second essay because you not only tell about your favorite word, but how it changed your mentality. Providing an example, right before your conclusion, about another time your teachers advice about elegance helped you can help improve it. I hope this helps... good luck
keylijosselyn   
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / I was different because I had a sister - Identity essay. [11]

In the first correction I made, I meant to write "I wished she had never been born."

I am appreciate my parents' commitment to invest their life in their children's future. I enjoy to be the only Chinese student[/i] in my International Baccalaureate class as I introduce my Chinese identity to others.

appreciative of
" I enjoy being"

restaurantthat[i] I finally

Take out one sentence that you feel won't affect your essay as much with its absence.
keylijosselyn   
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / I was different because I had a sister - Identity essay. [11]

I hope that I always have had , but there was time I wished that she never was born.

"i wished that she had never been before"

my sister just quietly hided under the desk without saying any word. She hided in that little space all afternoon

the past tense of hide is hid.

reason of her hiding

for

grandma in a rural area

I finally understood the real value of my parents and my sister meant to me

It would sound better if you wrote " I finally understood the value I had for my parents and sister, and what they meant to me"

i hope this helps, good luck
keylijosselyn   
Jan 1, 2015
Letters / Here's the plan: you cover the microwave, I got the printer. Stanford roommate essay. [6]

Your essay gives a sense of your personality, interests, willingness to compromise, and eagerness to learn more about your roommate. It tackles a good majority of topics most roommates would like to know about one another.

To make it better, I would start the essay off with a statement that describes you, something that will hook the reader(or roommate) to feel the mood of your personality.

I hope this helps.. best of luck
keylijosselyn   
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / Digging deeper beneath the surface opens a pathway to innovation. Cornell's College Application [9]

Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

-Please provide any insight to make my essay better.. thank you!!

Digging deeper beneath the surface opens a pathway to innovation. I dig until I cannot dig any further. Curiosity keeps my mind alive, prone to new ideas and findings. My curiosity challenges me to step out of my comfort zone, to seek and find answers that are not blatantly given. My inquisitive nature likes to break those boundary walls built by amenity.

I was not always this way. There was a time I was reluctant to asking questions in the classroom. I reasoned I was too smart. I left my mind inadequate to uncovering more. I studied, knew the material, passed on exams, and was satisfied with just that. I did not understand that there is always more than what is granted.

I changed the summer before my sophomore year. I set goals to lose weight and get myself in the best shape possible. I was persistent, determined, and motivated. I attained the key ingredients for success. Curiosity was one of the main factors that also sustained my endeavor. I asked for guidance in exercising and dieting. I wondered what I needed to do precisely to get where I wanted, where did I need to start? How many times was I going to fail and have to pick myself back up? What were the exact diets and exercises I needed to undergo? By asking people that had reached and maintained the same goal I was striving for, I received the insight I needed. I saw satisfying results by the end of that summer, despite several letdowns, and learned the importance of explorations, reconnoitering the way our bodies and minds work.

As I exercised and researched ways to stay fit, I grew an admiration for the intricacies that work our body. How muscles grow because of the tiny tears that form from being put under pressure, leading to more strength and growth. The way muscles contract and move by using glucose and ATP, turn ATP into lactic acid, and use it as fuel during exercise. How torn muscle fibers initiate muscle soreness. How blood circulated through the muscles is warmed and causes an increase in body temperature, and how the excess heat is flushed in the form of sweat. We are adaptive organisms, our bodies understand and respond to the natural stimulants such as exercise that activate our muscles. I looked to exercising as a simple, natural stimulant, and I became acclimatized to it.

I have grown a fascination for the human mind and body. Exercise is linked to the brain in a way that increases its reasoning abilities, allowing it to work at its best ability, and protecting it from damage. A healthy brain in its finest form is beautiful, and an understanding of the thought-process within a brain is magnificent. I hold a tight grasp on understanding my actions and thoughts. Why I determine myself on every objective, why I fear failure, why I understand the human nature of the fear of failure, and most importantly why I have grown such resilience against that fear. The Instinct Theory of Motivation describes how ones motivating force is determined by his or her nature and instinct. As the daughter of determined, strong Latino immigrants, and as a young woman who has familiarized herself with going after what she desires, I understand the reasoning behind my resilience. The intellect and perplexity of human beings drives me to acquire more understanding of the biology and psychology within and around us.

At Cornell's College of Arts and Science I will be open to a faculty holding national and international leaders, courses such as An Introduction to Evolutionary Biology and Diversity, Introductory Biology: Comparative Biology, Developmental Psychology, and introduction to Cognitive Science, an education that will move me to go further beneath my depths. Through Cornell Undergraduate Research Board I can supportably research on psychology and biology. I will feed my curiosity. I will receive the knowledge to help me grow academically and as a person.
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