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Posts by moonvlin
Name: Vivian
Joined: Dec 8, 2014
Last Post: Dec 18, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 7  
Likes: 3
From: Taiwan
School: Chi Nan

Displayed posts: 9
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moonvlin   
Dec 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts - Nowadays space exploration gain more attention and money than health and education sectors. [2]

Hi, Missao,

NICE TRY!

the first sentence in paragraph 2, it is a waste of money because the Universe should not be a priority.
would it be more clear with → it is a waste of money because searching the possibility of any life forms in the Universe should not be a priority. ?

oh, and, what if the government does make some extra perks for schools and hospital, how people would be benefit from it? this might be another idea to enrich your essay~

Good luck!
moonvlin   
Dec 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'it is rather a common phenomenon for people to have debts' - causes of debts and prevention [7]

Here comes the essay question:
Some people get into debt by buying things they dont need and can't afford. What are the reasons for the behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

My answer:

Nowadays, it is rather a common phenomenon for people to have debts than before, which might be a direct result of invention of credit card and a desire of trying to catch up with some trends. Since credit card has been being convenient for shopping, it tends to lure people to buy random items without paying for it right away.

Layaway plans could trick people who do not pay attention to their expenditure and keep a day book of their daily spending. Then, once the bill all come, people who overspent would easily in debt after they have a picture of how they have spent in months. Not only can credit cards drive people to buy the unnecessaries or some expensive ones by little amount of down payment, but also trends can stir up people's desire of popular hits. Fancy clothes, shoes, watches, and so on, especially some of which are endorsed by celebrities, are the blames for the debts from shopping blindly.

In my opinion, the best way to avoid any of these from happening is to figure out an arrangement plan for the money we earn by hard working, to know it clearly what's the mandatory items to buy and to set up a budget for monthly spending. Most important of all, think at least twice before we buy anything in shops or when we are about to click the payment button on computer.

To sum up, since we can't totally escape from credit card and commercials back up by celebrities, we need to pay attention of our spending habit. Therefore, we can uproot some bad expenditure habit and avoid from having debts by knowing where exactly did our money go.
moonvlin   
Dec 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Satisfaction is no longer guaranteed by just simply adequate salaries [6]

Hey Darcy~ So sorry for this late reply, kinda busy these days.

As for this sentence, "From my point of view, dividing this psychological achievement into at least three parts, I still have a conservative attitude towards the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment to everyone.", i still wanna know what's your original thought, maybe you you can type in Chinese and show me about it. yeah, I just clicked your account information and found out that you are from China. well, good thing we both speak in Chinese.

about what can we write about the topic for this one? Before any further discussion, there are questions we might want to think them over, from which our ideas might come along.

What do you want from working? why do you work? what kind of job you want to get and why? would you consider whether the payment is decent or it doest matter? will you follow your heart when applying for a job or you just get one your parents tell you so? does a long commute seems ok for you or you hate it? what kind of boss/ colleague you want to work with? what kind of atmosphere you prefer in your working place? how do you think about overtime working? what's the idea of being successful in working? what kind of facility you want in office? you don't have to answer all these, which are just giving you some stuff to ponder before writing.

another suggestion for quickly improving essay writing is that, there are academic means of writing called "thesis statement" and "topic "sentence", look it up on Internet, it can benefit you!

hope these help. have a nice day! :))) -Vivian.
moonvlin   
Dec 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Satisfaction is no longer guaranteed by just simply adequate salaries [6]

Hey Darcy, nice try. i am also preparing for IELTS test, glad to see a company here! i have some advices for you, here we go.

about the grammars in the first paragraph,

"To my view-point " → "From/in my point of view".
"I still grasp a conservative attitude.. " → hold/ have
"To my view-point, (lack of the subject) dividing this psychological achievement"
Also, pardon me, i couldn't quite understand "I still grasp a conservative attitude towards the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment to everyone." Your attitude is toward "the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment" or to "everyone"? if thats not what you want to say, you might want to rearrange the order of the words.

In the second paragraph, you could say thats your own opinion but not experts to category the facts into three aspects because the topic is about giving your own point of view, and you also made the statement in your first paragraph saying you have divided them at least into three parts.

Also, "category the job satisfaction into three groups, including/which includes/ such as success, facility and interpersonal relationship."

"harsh cold boss" →"harsh and cold blood boss"

As for paragraph 3 and 4, they could be seen as getting a little off the topic. Surely happy life includes private life and successful business, but you might want to stick to the topic, which is job satisfaction/ job expectation. and the conclusion would look nicer if it were extended.

Hope my opinions would do some help, and good day to you!
moonvlin   
Dec 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / "Success in not final, failure is not fatal; it is the will to continue that counts" [3]

Masroor, your essay contains detailed example, which is quite impressive. However, in my own point of view, i could only see those examples as a part of supporting illustrating reason of how "failure is not fatal", which looks kind of undone. I assume you have other points to make. In fact, i think those examples can't bring out your opinion but just restates "keep going and things will work out". You might want to dig deep to what you think about the examples besides the restatement, and maybe make a little cut of the example to make space for your own opinion. hope those will help!
moonvlin   
Dec 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars? - IELTS [3]

Hello eveybody!!
I am new here. So glad i found this website! This is a self study exercise of IELTS. I would be appreciate you very much for helping me improve my essay. you are so kind and you surely will have a good day! Thank you!

here comes the topic:
Car ownership has increased ro rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now"one big traffic jam".

how true do you think this statement is?
what measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

here is my essay:

With more and more people owning cars over the past three decades, statement has been made that there are more traffic jams taking place in cities. To some degree, I agree with the statement.

During rush hours, big traffic jams do happen, especially in big cities such as Taipei. Over the past thirty years, traffic congestion in Taipei is composed not simply just by cars, but also by buses and scooters. Thus, the single fact of tremendous cars cannot be viewed as a single direct cause of traffic jams. Traffic jam has become a combinative result of increasing population and multiple kinds of transportation.

As for what the government can help to reduce the frequent rate of traffic jams, is probably to take some new policies. For example, the government can replan the transportation routes, making the roads and land more useful, matching citizen's expectation such as adding new roads, taking off abandoned ones. To prevent people from owning more cars, increasing car taxes might be a good way to solve it. Also, the government can propagate the direct results of traffic congestion about how it can make influence on our daily lives such as air pollutions.

Another thing the government can do is to lower the price of housing, which might benefit lots of commuters. Thus, by cutting down the time spent on transportation, traffic jams could get eased. Besides, the government can give public transportation takers or the bus companies some extra perks to encourage the trend.

To conclude, although cars are more common than thirty years ago, traffic congestion should be able to be eased if the government takes proper policies to replan its urban outlay and other appropriate rules to attract people to use public transportation facilities instead of their own cars.