Undergraduate / "Thrill"; I love the thrill of thinking you might die, but deep down know you are safe - 'Best word' [3]

Overall, solid essay. I agree with the above to change the dying segment. I would also add specific examples about how you will continue your love for thrills and risks into the future.

Undergraduate / Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination - Common App Essay [10]

No problem! I actually think I may just scrap this essay all together. would you mind looking at my other essay about nyc when you have the time? I know my conclusion needs work, but I think it could work better than this one. thanks!

Undergraduate / Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination - Common App Essay [10]

Okay! Thank you so much, again! I think I am just going to change the prompt instead of the story, because it is due soon. What suggestions do you have to alter the content?

Undergraduate / Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination - Common App Essay [10]

i have revised my concluding paragraph to the following:
Prior to the trip, I based my happiness on the things I had and was not grateful for the life I was living. Duc and Hue inspired me simply to be happy with life itself while cherishing every opportunity I was given. I couldn't control the life I was given, but I could control what I did with it. Furthermore, the trip motivated me to begin volunteering with the less fortunate, especially children. Without the trip and the consequent charity work, I would as compassionate or grateful as I am today.

would this fit the adulthood prompt? or could i use the essay for the "background story"?

Undergraduate / Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination - Common App Essay [10]

Thank you for your insight, that is what I thought, but I really wanted to use my experience in Vietnam for my college apps. Do you think, with a few adjustments, I could use this story under this prompt? Or do you think this story could fit the prompt and adequately answers the prompt "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. "?

Undergraduate / Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination - Common App Essay [10]

Thank you for your help! I have revised the essay akin to your comments, but I am still struggling with the final conclusion.

In the summer going into freshman year, I was looking forward to our annual family vacation. Little did I know, this vacation would change my perspective, and come to define some of the values I hold as an adult. Vietnam seemed to be an atypical summer vacation destination. It wasn't an all-inclusive resort in Costa Rica where at least ten workers say "Bless you" every time you sneezed, or when you thought, "I'm quite parched" and miraculously a crisp iced Coke would somehow appear in your hand. It wasn't a trip to Paris, where we would shop for hours on the Champ-Elysees, and eat beautifully buttered croissants at a café while gazing at the Eiffel Tower. No, this summer we were going to Vietnam.

At that time I was self-centered, over-privileged, and fresh out of a prestigious private school. Needless to say, I did not want to go! Why would I want to spend three weeks in a country that does not even have high-speed Wi-Fi? How was I supposed to update every second of my ever-so-exciting life on social media without.. Wi-Fi? My mother must be joking, I thought, there is not a chance she is actually taking us to Vietnam.

During the 24 hour trip from D.C. to Vietnam, my brother and I were envisioning what we would see when we stepped off the plane. "Dirt roads, definitely dirt roads," my brother imagined. "Our hotel is probably just a hut" I added. We were both entirely wrong. Stepping out of the car and into Ho Chi Min City for the first time was breathe-taking. The streets were lined with cafés and high-end shops- Gucci, Prada. Mopeds, each with at least three people on top, buzzed past us on the asphalt, not dirt, roads. Skyscrapers and high-rise office buildings freckled the city. I was astonished, the city resembled a miniature version of New York City, with the odd street market selling whole pigs or buffalo hooves.

Over the course of the three weeks we traveled much of the country, ending our trip in the small village of Chay Lap. During our stay in the quaint town, we lived with a local family, and were quickly introduced to their children, Duc and Hue. While the children took my brother and I around the town, we instantly bonded. The following day we went to Duc and Hue's school to teach English. I sat at the front of a class with fifteen little minds staring at me, eager to learn. "Cow," I said, pointing to a picture of a cow. "Cow," the class repeated. This process continued until the children could have named every animal on Old MacDonald's farm. After the class, Hue ran up and embraced me. "Thank you," she said. My eyes swelled with tears, all I had done was teach her the names of a few animals, but it meant so much to her.

On our last night in Chay Lap, my brother and I played hide and seek with the neighboring children for hours. I was running around a village laughing and smiling, in a country that three weeks prior I knew nothing about; I was happy. Leaving the children and Vietnam was not easy, the next morning was filled with warm embraces and tearful eyes. The trip had a profound impact on my life, and without it I would still be the childish, materialistic person I was before.

Prior to the trip, I had based my happiness on the things I had and was not grateful for the life I was living. Duc and Hue inspired me to be happy just with life itself and cherish every opportunity you are offered. You cannot control the life you were given, but you can control what you do with it. As I grow older, I continue to treasure happiness and humility, not forgetting to smile along the way.

Undergraduate / "Peter Pan" - Piece of literature that has inspired you - UVA Supplemental Essay [4]

Thank you both for your lovely suggestions! I incorporated them both and now here is the new draft

Growing up was rough. I found out the fantasy characters of my childhood were actually my parents all along. My princess castle was replaced with a desk and math workbooks. My wishes to go to Disney World were replaced with wishes for an acceptance to my dream school. In general, as we grow, we often lose the creativity and ambition we once had as children. This price of adulthood is the basis of my favorite movie, Peter Pan.

Peter Pan preaches the importance of growing up, but without losing sight of the dreams you once had. No matter what dream you wish to accomplish, with a little faith, truth and pixie dust, you can succeed. Moreover, as long as you work hard and are determined, your dreams will become your reality. Throughout my years in high school, I have dedicated myself to my studies and advancing my future, without losing sight of what is important. I believe in order to live a full life you must have dedication and determination, but your heart must be full of happiness and youthful playfulness.

The Darling children were swept away to a magical land where growing up was not a problem, because it did not happen. While in Never Land, the Darling children learned independence, leadership and maturity- essentially inadvertently growing up. When the children returned home, Wendy decided she must grow up, but always kept the sense of adventure and imagination she experienced in Never Land in her heart. This lighthearted, yet sensible, mindset has helped me through growing up and eventually becoming a responsible adult. Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up, was truly the embodiment of an adult that all children, including me, could emulate.

Undergraduate / Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success [13]

Yes, I feel that would work better. maybe talk about how the divorce has effected you, but try to find one specific event within the divorce or caused by it and then come to a conclusion about how that event changed you as a person. I am also a child of divorce and I know it was made me more independent because my parents both worked and couldn't be there helping me all the time. Maybe take that angle, think of a specific event, and conclude about how the divorce has made you more independent and how that will help you in the future.

Undergraduate / Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT ESSAY; BUSY LIFE AND ACTIVITY [7]

The essay you edited it good for the limited word count, but I have rearranged a few sentences to ease the flow of the paragraph, hopes this helps!

I believe life is monotonous. To break life's endless cycle of monotony, I travel, alone. I have traveled to different cities, met new people from each town and village, allowing me to truly experience my country. India is a mosaic of cultures, races and creed that fit together, and truly embraces diversity. Travelling is how I relax, learn and gain perspective. When I travel, I forget about my daily routines and instead have time to reflect and grasp new meaning from my surroundings. Completely immersing myself in diversity, through travel, allows me to change my mindset, and be happy.

This is just my suggestion of how you should edit the essay and still get your point across. Hopefully it is helpful!

Undergraduate / Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world; Why NWU [3]

This essay has potential, but I think it needs a little work. I wouldn't start off with a quote, its a little cliche, but try to integrate the quote into the first paragraph or sentence. Maybe something like

"Throughout my life I have had a desire to gain knowledge and experience, and I wish to continue this desire at Northwestern, along with all the challenges I may face. I once stumbled upon a quote that I believe truly applies to life, "Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world." My passion to learn acts as my lever and Northwestern is my fulcrum, without my fulcrum I will not be able to each my full potential and gain incredible success in this world."

I know I changed that up completely, but I think you need to somehow integrate yourself into the quote, Northwestern cannot be the fulcrum as well as the lever.

For the second paragraph, I would say...
"The supercharged academic rigor at NU, and specifically at McCormick College, prompted me to want to become a Wildcat. Apart from the challenging curriculum and cutting-edge research opportunities, what attracts me most about McCormick is the college's distinctive idea of fostering whole-brain engineers.

I am not sure what you are referring to by "mine" in the third sentence, so try to replace the pronoun with whatever it's antecedent is.

For the third sentence after the comma, I would say...

rather than superficially knowing about the world without a true, deep understanding.

Next, I would say...
As I developed an increasing interest in technology (and mathematics?), I began to aspire to have a career in engineering. Therefore, I can see that the Engineering Fist Program offered at McCormick will be extremely rewarding for myself because it will allow me to fulfill my eagerness for knowledge and experiences throughout the next four years of my life.

The next paragraph is a bit unfocused. I would say...
The exciting campus life and deep sense of community at Northwestern is a major reason for my interest. The hundreds of student clubs and activities will enable me to work hard, while playing hard, a balance I find essential. The abundant partnerships with institutions all over the world, bring great opportunities to study abroad, an aspect of Northwestern that I find unique and very appealing. By watching Stephen Colbert's commencement speech, I was deeply moved by the love, passion, and enthusiasm Northwestern students had in their hearts for their school. The high culture at Northwestern and the student's school pride is what unites them all as Wildcats and what has made me fall in love with the university.

I would completely take out the last little paragraph, but instead add on a sentence or two to the last paragraph about how you will use what you like about Northwestern to "move the world" and bring it full circle. I would also delve a little deeper personally, if possible.

Hopefully this is helpful!

Undergraduate / Converting the Obstacles into Fuel for Success [13]

This is a good start, but I feel it needs more focus. Try to chose one event specifically in your life that can get your point across in one coherent anecdote. For this prompt, because it is so broad, your essay must be focused and present a clear image of who you are. Good luck!

Undergraduate / I was waiting to fall in love, and my visit to Duke flipped me head-over-heels; supplement essay [5]

Overall, the essay is very well written, but I do have a few revisions. In the first sentence, perhaps exchange "I was waiting to fall in love" with "I was wishing to fall in love" or something of the sort, I don't think waiting is the right verb. In the second sentence, I would replace "it" with "such an idea" because the antecedent it replaces isn't very clear. Instead of "failing to impress in person", I would say "that eventually fell short of my expectations". For the sentence, "That electric air of creativity and passion for learning is something I've found no other school to possess the way Duke does." I would say, The electric air of creativity and the passion for learning is what I've found is unique to Duke and .... something about how Duke is now your dream school. Maybe, "what has made me swoon over the university". Hope this is helpful!