Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]

Posts by takinwe124
Name: Titilope Akinwe
Joined: Dec 30, 2014
Last Post: Jan 1, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America
School: GSMST

Displayed posts: 5
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Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / Feeling sheltered is not the worst thing in the world, but it definitely isn't the best. Why NYU? [2]

Due by midnight. Feel like it's all over the place, and weak ending. Any opinions?:

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)

Feeling sheltered is not the worst thing in the world, but it definitely isn't the best. Despite being an only child in the South, I desire to transcend beyond the unknown. I do not like accepting normalcy, because I know that it does not reflect on the outside world. That's what triggers my unrelenting perseverance in any task. As I constantly spend countless hours scouring over a project for a class or my internship, I realize I do not know how to give up. I appreciate new experiences, and challenge myself to go beyond my comfort. Despite this, I have never been very good at leaving a familiar environment completely. As a result, traveling had never been an interest of mine.

This couldn't be more true during sophomore year as I traveled to Nigeria for the first time. I was born there, but the country seemed as foreign as the States are familiar to me. Initially, all I wanted was to go back home to my technology. However, as I spent my days exploring the busy streets of Lagos and eating my fair share of the local food, I realized that the people of Nigeria, like many other cultures, are content without all the "luxuries" of the Western world, because they have such a strong culture.

Visiting a foreign country certainly got me out of my elements, but I was able to understand the importance of interacting with the global environment, rather than sticking to where one feels comfortable. NYU understands this as it provides students with a global context. At the heart of a global city, NYU students are a mix of different cultures, identities, and interests. I am especially fond of how the university prides itself on its dedication to making their students "global citizens," and I hope that my time at NYU will allow me to grow in the global world through such programs as study abroad. My desire to endure is what I can offer back to NYU. As I study at the College of Arts and Sciences, I will immerse myself in different cultures and have a true understanding of the global scientific world.
Jan 1, 2015
Undergraduate / From 2015 ability to buy or sell unhealthy snacks and drinks at school has been removed [3]

Good topic but this seems way too expository, like you're just listing off something. I agree with nkp28 that you should make it more personalized and more analytic. How did the situation truly make you feel and how'd you respond? Plus, try relating back to the bigger context-the nation. You talk about how you're afraid that schools will lose funding, elaborate on that and separate it into a new paragraph, as a kind of response to the situation.
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / I was different because I had a sister - Identity essay. [11]

There's quite a few grammatical errors to fix and you should add more variety in your sentences. They're mostly simple, short sentences. But other than that I like the content and how you tied it all together at the end. I think it answers the prompt pretty effectively..

"grandma (from my mother's side)" change to "maternal grandma"

I was told that when I visited her I liked to feed her and share everything with her. I would pull (kind of confusing verb; did you maybe mean pull out as in "pull out a bowl") a whole bowl of chicken soup because I was afraid that she was not full.

However, this love became distorted when my parents left us and came to the United States when I was three. In school, I began to realize that everyone else was the only child in the family. They had many cousins but not a single sibling. Every day, as I watched the parents waiting eagerly outside the school gate to pick up their child, I felt that I was different. I have a sister, but I don't have parents.

While waiting for Grandma coming to come back from the food market, I saw her(ambiguous pronoun) running quickly toward me. At first, I found it very funny because I had never saw seen Grandma ran run, and she was such a strong women that would not allow herself for being to be weak.

Those are some ones that you should fix. Make sure to get some one else to root out all the other grammar issues. Also the spacing is kind of weird. Get them into paragraph form.
Dec 30, 2014
Undergraduate / Lost and Found. For the longest time, I've attempted to discover who I am. [4]

Tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia?

please look over essay for grammar and content, thanks:

For the longest time, I've attempted to discover who I am. I've learned that I'm slightly superstitious.The smallest signs always trigger me into a certain direction, and that's how Columbia first caught my eye. When I was a rising freshman during my school's orientation week, we were all randomly assigned cards with an image that directed us toward our lunch group for that day. One theme was Ivy League universities, and I received Columbia University. This wasn't exactly a defining point, but it fueled my interest. It's cliche to say that a person can be both lost and found in New York City, but it's pretty accurate when it comes to Columbia. Successful alumni like Ezra Koenig and Neil deGrasse Tyson were able to momentarily lose themselves in the heart of Manhattan, only to eventually pursue their passions after obtaining a stellar education behind those ancient gates. Personally, the most intriguing thing about Columbia is its absurdity. I mean, it takes someone with guts to decide to place an Ivy League university in the middle of such a dynamic city. All jokes aside, I believe this is the reason why Columbia alumni are some of the most successful individuals. They are constantly tempted with the lust of the city, and only a great amount of discipline allows them to be able to work as hard as they play, so that they can emerge triumphant from the rigorous environment. Regardless, I'm determined and up for a challenge. I'm ready to share the hunt for the Alma Mater owl with other Columbia students as we begin the long journey to achieving balance between our studies and the thrill of the city.