Posts by ANNA

ANNA_ff

Dec 15, 2015

Undergraduate / "My Youtube Community Channel" - University of Michigan Supplement essay #1 [7]

Hi!
Some sentences did not read smoothly.Such as this one-However, I've never expected to meet a group of friends who encouraged we encouraged each other to continue to express ...

And I believe you can also describe how you meet the group of people that shared the same interests with you.

ANNA_ff

Sep 24, 2015

Writing Feedback / There is nothing that technology can't reach - it make children less creative (toefl writing) [4]

Hi,here is my advice.
The last sentence of your first paragraph I view as irrelevant to your topic.Our topic is to discuss whether technology inhibit the development our children's creativity,rather than whether we can live without it.In other words,we may live without technology nowadays as you state enough evidence in the article,but it doesn't mean technology make children less creative.

In the third paragraph, you begin your sentence with'what's more'.I think 'However' would be much better.It's transitional sentence since you indicate the disadvantages of technology,instead of extending the advantages of it.

The last sentence of the third paragraph,you indicate that ' which would probably impact children's creativity.'The conclusion is so vague.Putting 'negative' before 'impact' shows your opinion more clear.

At last,I see no comparison between children in old times and in recent years in terms of their creativity.
There are some grammar mistakes throughout your article and please check out again.

ANNA_ff

Sep 20, 2015

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS - the results of surveys in 2005 and 2009 asking workers about their relationships [3]

The first two charts show how workers viewed their relationship with supervisor while the next two charts compare worker's different attitude towards their relationship with co-workers between the year 2005 and 2009. I think it would be better if you analyse these four charts separately.

''The charts reveal a comparison the number of two surveys employees' relationship with supervisor and Co-workers in 2005 and 2009, is measured in percentage. Overall, the most significant factstoemerge from the graph are that ~~very good has dominated~~most workers view their relationship with both supervisors and co-workers positively in the reporting year over all time.''

ANNA_ff

Sep 10, 2015

Writing Feedback / Learn subjects useful VS learn subjects that we like. [2]

I think we should learn subjects that we like instead of learning something that is useful.
First,If we learn subjects that we like,we will not regret of learning this even when we receive bad results.But if we choose one subject to learn only for its usefulness,we may lapse into depression and even doubt our intelligence and ability to learn if we fail to achieve any progress.

Second,subjects that we prefer can easily be transformed into useful one if we put enough efforts,while it might be harder vice visa.
To define whether a subject is useful or not depend on how much money we can get from the job where relevant knowledge can be applied.When we invest our time and energy constantly into the subject we like,it's possible to get high salary that we want.However,it may take your whole life to search for interest from useful subject that you are forced to learn at the first place.

Third,it's common to find that we learn faster and better than our peers in the subject we like,so it brings a great sense of achievement and in turn,it motivates you to learn further.On the contrary,useful subjects can not serve this function if you dislike it ,so you are more likely to give it up.

on the summary,I prefer learning subject we like than subject that is useful to us.

ANNA_ff

Aug 30, 2015

Writing Feedback / A remote village brings the kind people, inexpensive, healthy food can be consumed in a countryside [2]

hi,here are some advice for you.
In the first sentence,if you use the word"bygone",which indicates things happening a very long time ago,then you should properly use past tense. As for 'wide range',much emphasis is placed on diversity of stuff or people rather than quantity of that.

you may not describe a city is immense,but you can express that the city has a dense population.
the scarcity of facilities is not the bad consequence of living in small village;instead,it's one of example that causes inconvenience if you live there.

~~In bygone era~~in the past , wide range of local inhabitants dwelling in the countryside in which the area iswas far away from the cosmopolitan ~~city~~cities~~are known~~knew one another with their neighborhood. Conversely, the citizens who live in immense city are merely familiar with the people ~~staying~~living in their next doors in this modern era. In my personal point of views, although ~~remaining to live~~ living in the rural area has ~~dire consequences~~has its dismerits such as scarcity of facilities, the advantage including discovering friendly people and ~~cheap living standard can be obtained.~~obtaining cheaper living standardcan never be ignored