Posts by trivial28

trivial28

Jun 10, 2015

Writing Feedback / How much time for themselves will have people in the future? Will they be busier than we are today? [3]

A thought-provoking current issue deals with the ways people may live in the future.
It is therefore timely to consider the validity of this perspective.
report them to his supervisor in person (personally ).
on the computer and send them to their his supervisor via e-mail.

Dear @jyh2013,

your thoughts are quite good, but you have to re-read your essay for tiny syntactical mistakes.

Have a good day.

trivial28

Apr 24, 2015

Writing Feedback / Should the high school curriculum introduce unpaid social work as a mandatory subject? [3]

Hi Dhaliwal1,
this is trivial28. I find your essay very good and very strong too. My only suggestion is that when it is an agree/disagree issue, it would be more smooth to get to an agree/disagree statement in the end of the text. After all, you are not sure who will read your writing. So, as a conclusion, I recommend you to reconsider your essay's structure. Good luck in your final exams.

trivial28

Apr 24, 2015

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos. Discuss and give your opinion. [2]

FirstFirstly, living in zoos protects endangered animals from other's attacks. Not only do they conserve them, butzoos also allow animals to reproduce, which considerably minimizes the risk of their extinction. SecondSecondly, they are the major part of people's entertainment. Visiting zoos may be enjoyable and, simultaneously, educational pastime both for children as well as adultsand for adults as well . Children are provided to the avenue to acquire knowledge about various kinds of species which, in turn, widens their horizons and teaches them to appreciate the nature and the wildlife. Furthermore, scientists can be givencan give a scope to observe and analyse animals' behaviour. Finally, zoos make a notable contribution to economy of countries by providing the locals with job opportunities and income for the local area .

On the other hand keeping animals in cages may seem to be abysmal. Admittedly, it is an artificial environment for them, where they cannot feel the freedomfreeand followfollowing their natural instincts. Indeed, it is vitally important for them to hunt, procure the food and roam freely on thistheir land. Depriving them of their natural habitats causes a lot of suffering to these creatures. In addition, the purpose of zoos cannot justify these suffering. If for humans it is just an amusementEven if it seems an amusement for human , it is "life sentence" for animalsbeingswherewhothey are expected to live in cages till the end of their lives. Another point which needs to be considered is that in many cases animals are not obtained a proper treatment in zoos. For instance, they might be given a lack of food or be kept in dirty and sun-drenched places which exhaust them in scorchers.

In conclusion, although some may profess ignorance, it is an indisputable fact that animals also have a set of feelings and emotions which makes me to be thean opponent of imposing any restrictions to these incredible creatures.

Hi dilorom,
this is trivial28. Here are some "thoughts" about your essay. I believe you should reconsider the structure of some of your sentences. Even though I do understand what you mean, I think that is not the right way to express it in English. However, it is a really good essay.

trivial28

Mar 22, 2015

Writing Feedback / I remember my father's existence in our house since I was born. Describe a person essay. [4]

Thank you very much for your corrections and notifications. These are making me better. Thank you so much.

trivial28

Mar 21, 2015

Writing Feedback / I remember my father's existence in our house since I was born. Describe a person essay. [4]

*Please score this essay the way you think a SAT grader would. Remember, the scale is from 1-6, 6 being the best. As well, it'd be nice if you could add comments as to why you chose a certain grade. Thanks!*

I remember my father's existence in our house since I was born. Even though, his body was there, his mind was always flying far away to his job. Unfortunately, our between relationship was always an acrobatic one; we had few good moments and many upturns.

The fact is that my father used to be a very handsome, contemporary man in his 30s; medium-height about 1m75, with a slim figure. He had long wavy dark hair, framing his oval face. Furthermore, he had big almond-sized dark-brown eyes, a medium-sized nose and a big straight-lined mouth. But not anymore. Today, he is apparently an old man at his 60s; a little overweight with a flabby stomach and no hair on his head.

His appearance now, and then, hides a very strict and selfish personality when it comes to doing or getting what he wants. Despite of our family stoutness, he is really a stingy man that reminds me of Skroutz McDuck, sometimes. I remember him becoming too critical and judgmental as it concerned our grades on our report cards. Although, he has soft features surrounding his face, he hides a blunt, arrogant and many times rude person.

However, past is past. Looking back to my life with my father and thinking skeptically about his behavior, I assume that I could not ever love him honestly as a son loves his father. Though, I will try hard not to make his same mistakes to my own family.