Unanswered [5] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 3

Should the high school curriculum introduce unpaid social work as a mandatory subject?


Dhaliwal1 2 / 3  
Apr 23, 2015   #1
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It is suggested that high school curriculum should introduce unpaid social work as a mandatory subject. Many schools are providing the chances to the students to get aforesaid jobs, however, these are not compulsory for all students. I strongly advocate to make it must for every student to provide their free services to the community as it can help them to built their career.

Volunteer community services can help the teenagers to earn an experience that can help them in their professional life. Students can enhance their chance of employment by adding such experiences as an assets in their resume. Moreover, they can also learn some organizational skills which can help them to organize their daily routine. It will also help to inculcate certain values such as morality, punctuality and responsibility. Thus,teenagers will become aware of the wellness of their society and country.

From the point of health and fitness, social work can play an important role. As it is a common trend that most of the teenagers utilize their after school hours by browsing internet or playing video games, that give rise to certain health problems. If they use their free time in some social works, for instance by coaching young children, they can improve their mental and physical health. It will also help them to polish their own skills in their respective field of interest such as in sports, dance or painting .

In essence, adolescence is a phase of life when the mind should be kept busy unless it will create destructive ideas. The idea of making free social work a compulsory subject in high school should be welcomed for the betterment of our next generations.

Hello
I need some help in writing for IELTS exam. I have 6.5 bands in writing and overall 7.5 bands
I need minimum 7 in writing. Please help me to improve my skills to achieve 7.
Thanks in advance.

trivial28 1 / 4 2  
Apr 24, 2015   #2
Hi Dhaliwal1,
this is trivial28. I find your essay very good and very strong too. My only suggestion is that when it is an agree/disagree issue, it would be more smooth to get to an agree/disagree statement in the end of the text. After all, you are not sure who will read your writing. So, as a conclusion, I recommend you to reconsider your essay's structure. Good luck in your final exams.
lcturn87 - / 444 236  
Apr 25, 2015   #3
I think you should change social work throughout this essay to community service. If you make your discussion about social work, you may confuse the reader because this is actually a subject that you study. The question asks about community service. The first paragraph, you should state it is a mandatory high school program. Also, change built to build.

These volunteer experiences may be unpaid so if you use, "can give teenagers experience", you show that it will help them gain work experience. You shouldn't use the term assets. Really, the teenager is adding this experience to his or her resume. What do you mean when you say wellness of their society?

Instead of polish you could use the word improve. Also, explain why you are using sports, arts, and painting as an example? Would volunteering in arts programs and sports help them if they want to study the arts or be in professional sports?

It is more common for people to say that if adolescents are kept busy so they will stay out of trouble. This is only a suggestion to help make your paper better.


Home / Writing Feedback / Should the high school curriculum introduce unpaid social work as a mandatory subject?