Posts by mMaftuna

mMaftuna

Jun 1, 2015

Writing Feedback / Radio is the best way to get news, while others believe that TV is better for this purpose [4]

Hi, humashamsi

To be short about your essay, I think first you have to divide your paragraphs, as long as you do this, it will be clear for the reader to recognize your arguments and follow your ideas.

Then, you should better work on your grammar because i have noticed some grammartical errors such as: ( television news has no exception ) instead you should say : television is not an exception, It present the news in detail and presenting way--------It presents the news in detail

The last one, develop your ideas, you let them open, in the essay in some places you stated your opinion and left them open

mMaftuna

Apr 16, 2015

Writing Feedback / Some people think that children should learn to obey and do as parents and teachers say. IELTS [3]

The topic: some people think that children should learn to obey and do as parents and teachers say. Others think that this kind of upbringing will not prepare our children for the real life? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Intrinsically, it is always said that parents and teachers should encourage children to shape their own lives. However, this idea might not lead children to construct their lives. However, there is some fluctuation between these ideas, because some people have an opinion that children should follow the instructions of parents and teachers, while others oppose that it is not the right way of upbringing children because it will not prepare them for real life. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both views.

First of all, parents and teachers are the best advisers for children. Teachers and parents know what is right and wrong, so they show children directions and give support. As a result children know what is good and what is bad. As a proof there is an example from our real lives: from an early childhood each parent teach his or her child not to play on the road so they can be hit by car, by this way parents admonish their kids, so every time children will know that playing on the road may harm them and lead to dire consequences. By following the advices of parents and teachers children can build an idea of real life.

On the other hand, by obeying parents and teachers children can experience attrition or may not be independent while shaping the life path. That is why it is vital to help kids to develop themselves from the early ages. For instance; letting children to hang out with friends somewhere or go to school on their own can serve as a preparation for real life too, because children can learn valuable lessons which cannot be taught either by teachers or parents. Personally, I believe that children should obey parents and teachers because it is our duty.

To conclude, the both obeying teachers and parents for children should be the primary duty because they know what it fells like to be a kid but depending on circumstances parents and teachers should let children to be independent, it will be the best way to bring up children and prepare them for the real life.

mMaftuna

Apr 8, 2015

Undergraduate / Crime in Mexico - some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern [2]

Hi there!!!

I have some corrections!!!!
You need to be careful with grammar, so you had some tiny mistakes.

Crimes in Mexico had increased, kidnappings, killings, rape; corruption is a war within the country, where I constantly worry for the wellbeing of my extended family. One of that held international notice and Mexico tries to erase: the forty-five Ayotzinapa students in Mexico were kidnaped and possibly murdered by the Mexican police. Recently the crimes in Mexico had increased a lot that is more dangerous to be a student than a drug dealer. Later it was revealed that the forty-five students were found dead. This topic is so important to me because this has pushed me to realizate the value of education and what I can accomplish in this country where is knowledge is hard to be obtained. My parents grew up very differently with the comparison to whom I grew up with; from an early age my father had to focus more on getting a job to support my family, than going to school. My mother had an opportunity to go to school and obtain somewhat a higher education. But the teachers in Mexico are not the same as the teachers here. It is ofnet complicated to find a teacher that cares about the student accomplishments and if you do, those teachers don't get much support from the educational board.

mMaftuna

Apr 7, 2015

Writing Feedback / Observing children copy the watched parents - IELTS Sample Essay [3]

Hi everybody!!!

It is TASK 2 essay.
Could you help me with checking it?
Here is the topic: Children learn best by observing the behavior of adults and copying it. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays children tent to be more flexible and adaptable to the surrounding. As long as children have adults around them, they learn by copying their behavior out.There is said that children learn best by monitoring the behavior of adults and copying it.I agree up to the point,but, as this issue has become essential these days, there should be examined different sides of an issue before coming to any conclusion. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both views.

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mMaftuna

Apr 7, 2015

Writing Feedback / Nowadays the big cities are endeavoring to provide their inhabitants with more magnificent buildings [3]

I guess your essay has been written very neatly, even through, there are tiny spelling mistakes.

This brings to an enormous amount of constructioms to be established in the towns. Wherefore,some people find those building unattractive and hazardous for the cities since those buildings are very constant and producing more carbon dioxide emissions.While other people believe that those buildings can embellish and entice. The following paragraphs will discuss both views.