Writing Feedback / As the media are growing, their influence are becoming more widely [2]

Hi,

Kindly find my help below;

As the media are(IS) growing, their influence are(IS) becoming (more- DELETE) wide(ly-DELETE). This is why many people argue that (people- EXCESSIVE USE OF THE WORD, REPLACE WITH "it") will be difficult to avoid the impact of (the - DELETE) media in our daily activities.

... I strongly believe that nowadays the media help people(S) life(LIVES) become more easily(EASY) because this provides many ...

... reduce face-to-face interaction of people in as much ( MIND CHARACTER SPACING) as they can communicate using ...

As it can be seen from the instance, the media (have been- DELETE, REPLACE WITH "has") replaced the function of ...

... media causes the number of crimes increase(s-DELETE) dramatically. There are about 20 cybercrime cases every day(EVERYDAY), and it indicates that (...) sending blackmail(, - DELETE) or stealing credit card's(CARDS) personal identity number.

... there are many advantages that the media provide in people(S) daily lives. First(ly - DELETE), the media help people keep ...
... to communicate such as Facebook, Twitter(, - DELETE) or Instagram. Second(ly - DELETE, SUGGEST USING, "Next"), the media assist people to ...

... and all of the lessons or tricks will (be - DELETE) appear(ed - DELETE). Also, the media can be use(d - ONGOING ACTION) to optimize the learning and teaching ...

Video tutorial for instance, it(IT'S) always (be-DELETE) used by teachers to teach ...

All in all(SUGGEST TO REPLACE THE WORD WITH,"In conclusion") despite the disadvantage (...) and make people(S) work finish easily.

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Ainun, proof read your answer before submitting, this really helps a lot, mind the punctuation marks too and a little help on vocabulary via our trusted friend at Miriam Webster will not hurt.

"till then, Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / Families who do not send their children to government-financed schools should not be required to pay [4]

Striker,

Mind the following;

- spelling
- redundant words
- proof read before sending an article

Thank you

Writing Feedback / Learning about foreign countries by watching and travelling [3]

Well IqbalThemi,

There's a huge difference with just watching movies so you learn about a country to going there, being there and feeling the country itself.

Don't forget that people who make movies have a different agenda as to people who want to learn more and explore a country.
The best one though is to find balance and as they say, "to see is to believe", so go out there, conquer the world and walk your tireless feet, enjoy and keep learning.

Best of luck!!!

Writing Feedback / In different parts of the world kids are involved in some paid jobs, but it is harmful to them. [4]

Hi cldales,

Kindly find my help below;

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

There are many parts of the world today where children are involve(d- ongoing event) in compensated jobs. While others sternly argue that is (is- delete) justifiable for the kids to work, others think that such experience allows children to be responsible, it lets them value work more and the workplace gives them avenue to learn about life in general. In this essay, I will discuss both arguments and state my opinion about it.

It is understandable for some to feel dreadful about the idea of paid work among children because of the negative impact it brings to the child's physical and psychological well-being. For one, kids are not physically ready to tackle on jobs that require power and strength such as in factories where an employee transports materials from one place to another. Second(ly- can delete), the mental demand a job brings is outright unmanageable by the youngsters. An example to this is the pressure to ensure that a daily sales quota is met. It is therefore, unnecessary for children to be associated with any type(s-delete) of work because of its demands, physically and mentally.

On the other hand, some people('s - delete) belief (about the - replace with "that") positive influences that a job has on children especially on the areas of value on work, learning and responsibility is also agreeable. Early exposure of kids in the work(ing - add) environment teaches them lessons that are significant in adult life. This gives them a perfect ground to know some skills not taught inside the classroom. For example, the continuous communication between different employees in an organization is an important element to get a task done perfectly. For children, this teaches them social skills and it enhances their mental acuity. Hence, the lessons learned by children in the workplace provide them assets that are relevant in adulthood.

Though there are advantages on the involvement of children on some kind of paid job, I disagree on this argument. I believe that young kids must devote their time learning at school or playing with other kids instead of finding themselves on the pressures of adult work life. They must be allowed to be kids, away from the stresses of the work environment.

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Cldales, your essay is written pretty well. I just have few tips;

* Proof read - before submitting any written material, proof read it, it never fail to tell you that there is more to what you've already written

* Punctuation marks - little details that makes a difference

Best of luck!

Writing Feedback / Some personal data about me, my family and plans for the future - Introducing myself [3]

Hi Daly,

Just to share with you, for a Vietnamese, your English is pretty good, practice will make it even better, I love the fact that you listen to English music to push and learn more. I would also like to add that signing up for English classes or simply talking to people who speaks english will really help a lot. Now, find the corrections below;

My full name is Daly Den. I'M from Vietnam. I was born and grew up in a peaceful countryside in the central of Vietnam. When I was thirteen I moved to an active city, which is Ho Chi Minh City.

Twenty years ago, I DREAMT THAT in the future I would go abroad to study and now that dream CAME true.
I got married twelve years ago. About my family, I have two children both of them are boys. The eldest son is ten years old, HE'S IN FOURTH GRADE and another son is four years old, he is in the KINDERGARTEN. So when I go far from my family I MISS them very much and they also MISS me.

I work as a dean of Information Technology IN THE faculty at NNT College. It belongs to BBN.
My husband and I have the same major AND we met each other when we were IN the same class at THE university. Now we have the same jobs and the same position but different universities.

When I have free time I always play badminton with my friends and listen to English music because I want to improve my English skills.

Before I become a PhD student in this university. I have two years OF study IN my country but I WAS UNLUCKY AS my supervisor DIED after two years OF WORKING together. After that, I felt very disappointed to MOVE ON. ONE day, I HAD a chance to go to abroad to study so now I become a PhD student in this university.

Writing Feedback / Staying in one place and living in different area. [4]

Hi intiaiqbal92,

DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS EDIT, TAKE THIS ONE HERE;

So to start with I have a few bullet points for you;

* Keep usage of words to a minimum as much as you can (avoid repeating them )
* Keep your essay simple and understandable, use words that are conversational
* Proof read all the time ( this helps a lot)

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In the past, people usually STAY in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They ( DELETE "OFTEN" AS YOU USED IT ALREADY) live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages ( DELETE "of both", MAKES THE SENTENCE CONTRADICTING?

NORMALLY, (CHANGE "Basically",ITS ALREADY A HOUSEHOLD WORD) people want to live in the most comfortable zone.That's why most people just stayed in a one place in the old days, they want( DELETE "ed", ITS AN ONGOING ACT) to (ADD "BE" ) close to their family and their friends, while this gradually makes them to be a socially awkward PEOPLE ("persons" IN ENTIRELY WRONG AS YOU ARE REFERRING TO A GROUP) . However, for some (DELETE "others, they",UNNECESSARY) nowadays THEY prefer moving to different places in order to gain new experiences and have more job opportunities, but this leads people to experience culture shock and they pay more money. Thus, I personally argue that living in the same place is a good decision to have a peaceful life.

The positive effect living in one place is having a convenient life ( CHANGE "since" TO BECAUSE) when people have problems, they (CHANGE "enable" TO - ARE ABLE) to be supported by their family. (CHANGE "This is because" TO - THAT IS WHY) they stay nearBY their relatives. However, this trend has A drawback as well, that is, staying in one place will lead TO socially awkward character. For this reason, humans do not know about what happens in the world and they tend to be nervous when they meet a new person. In other words, to live in the same place is good but it has more disadvantages THAN ADVANTAGES TO people.

Turning to the people who like TO go around to unusual placeS, this also has some advantages. People are definitely gaining new experience with the new culture in a new environment. This makes people knowledgeable about how to socialize with others in different culture. Then, people would have many job opportunities, particularly when they move to a city with lower unemployment rate. On the other hand, this issue can be costly. Even though people may have a home to sell, they would still need a new place to live and would spend money driving to the city in advance and LOOK for a new home. Thus, culture shock is the matter that usually happens when humans live in a new place. All in all, it is true that moving TO a new place is the best decision for someone who want to change his whole life.

In conclusion, although some people believe that growing up in A different place would improve people's life, I would argue that people who are living in the one place automatically have easier life. It is imperative that someone should consider about where he want to continue his life.