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Posts by amytsai
Name: TsaiWei
Joined: Apr 14, 2015
Last Post: Apr 20, 2015
Threads: 2
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amytsai   
Apr 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Air travel should be controlled to save the earth. [2]

With the growth in aviation, the majority of people are more likely travellingto travel abroad to spend their leisure time in the special occasions. One of the most tangible influences of this phenomenon is the exponential increase of thousand airlines which provide low-cost carrier, and it is argued as the trigger of environmental catastrophes on a global scale such as air pollution and lack of fossil fuel so that critics claim air travel should be controlled. While it is believed that air travel provides more benefits in terms of time consumed and reasonable prices, people also have to consider the negative side of this transportation on the natural ecology.

Supporters of the aircraft deliberate that air planes are by far the fastest mode of transport which connects the all of parts in the world by hours. Before the invention of aviation, people used ships to travel for trading and travelling in other countries , but it took more than a month to reach a destination. In 20th century, many counties choose this mean of transport to export food such as vegetables and fruits to places where theythe food are not in season or cannot be grown. For pragmatic instance, New Zealand exports fresh milk and apples to developing countries, such as Africa and India, using air planes only around 12 hours. Consequently, some food could be exported faster and would not deteriorate in the worldwide distribution.

In addition, over las decades, the availability of cheap air travels allows many holidaymakers going abroad for vacations over last decades . According to a survey published in the Times magazine , the proportion of travelers who prefer visiting other countries increasesincrease to around 70% in 2014, and it goes hand in hand with an increase of annual income of low-cost airlines which is more than 35% compared to previous year. Air travel leads people to get novelty of other challenged vacations .

On the other hand, the detrimental effects of this development are the impact on the environment. Firstly, a study records that there are more than hundred international and domestic flights which require more than thousand litters of fuel every day. As the time passed by, the natural environment is absorbed to produce more fuel while there is prevention as a result of this activity. In the linear relationship of this condition, burning of fossil fuel in terms of oil will add significantly to this problem as just one flight releases large amounts of carbon dioxide and other gases into the environment and damages the layer of ozone . As a result, the development of aviation contributes the biggest contribution of climate change as the global problem.

In conclusion, the development of air travel in the recent years has its own merits and demerits for environment. In the glance, air travel benefits people to commute between different regions sooner whereas people are blame for environmental influences which are more important issues so that the restriction should be implemented to reduce damages . From my perspective, using air travel for travelling should be controlled, and green taxes should be increased to control low-cost airline companies as a novel solution.

Green: the part I check for you
Blue: too many gramattical errors, better to revise by yourself
Red: illogical sentence

2 advices:
1.) improve your grammar
2) you seem like to write complex sentence, but rememember, writing complex sentence needs grammatical skills and sometimes the longer the sentence, the more confusing it is. Longer sentence is nice, but not always the best option! :)3) since green tax is your solution, i think it's better if you write more detail on it, or it will be abrupt

I think you would be better if you would improve your grammar, start from the basis, and you will do very well! :)
amytsai   
Apr 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Sat - Should we hold on to the old when innovations are available, or should we simply move forward? [2]

Prompt
Some see printed books as dusty remnants from the preelectronic age. They point out that electronic books, or e-books, cost less to produce than printed books and that producing them has a much smaller impact on natural resources such as trees. Yet why should printed books be considered obsolete or outdated just because there is something cheaper and more modern? With books, as with many other things, just because a new version has its merits doesn't mean that the older version should be eliminated.

Assignment: Should we hold on to the old when innovations are available, or should we simply move forward? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Since the dawn of civilization, men and women have been participating in an everlasting attempt to improve the life through innovations. However, as the technology continues to advance, many people are still holding old, traditional thoughts and are doubting, afraid of the unknown impact new innovations will bring. Unfortunately, those who choose to stay rather than move forward make our society stagnate. We should move forward when innovations are accessible, or serious impacts will strike our society.

Believing in the plethora of information from elsewhere, science deniers are declaring war on scientific experts whose work they undermine and deride. Even though science makes unparalleled achievement from genomics and oceanography, and new technology and data aiming to help human come out everyday, science deniers are still on the march and winning public's heart more successfully than pundits. Recent data released by American Association of Advancement of Science revealed a growing and huge gulf between scientists and public. There are 18 percent gap on whether parents should be required to vaccine their children; 87 percent of AAAS scientists said global warming is caused by human, compared to 50 percent of public; 88 percent of scientists said GMO are safe to eat, compared to 37 percent of US adults.

There are serious implications when large minority of public choose to hold on old ideas when innovations are available. With the vaccination the implication is immediate: The recent measles outbreak in California is the result of holding old. Public support of the urgent decarbonization measures is being undercut, while food security and sustainability is under threat because of public's fear of GMO.

Another exemplary paradigm is the controversy over nuclear power. While the exploitation of renewable energy such as wind and solar power is now much more advanced, many still ignore the innovations and uphold on the old nuclear power, thinking that it is safe and permanent while overlooking the calamity in Chernobyl and Fukushima nuclear power plant in Ukraine and Japan? Those ideologues in nuclear power, if incessantly insists on holding old, would bring mankind to a damage to the extent that would harm everyone.

From the quintessential attributes above we can fathom that holding on to the old will threat the society and even our planet. What those tradition holders should recognize is that the past is gone and static, the future is before us and dynamic. They should not be grudging to depart from past; they should move forward and strive for the progress of tomorrow. Just like Thomas Hardy once said"Old is sometimes a thing that shuts us off; innovation is sometimes a thing that opens our door."

Thank you!! And if you can, can you please grade my essay according to the Sat 1-6 scale?
Thanks very much!
amytsai   
Apr 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish? SAT Essay. [3]

The major principle...on order to overcome an invorn tendency --->The major principle...in order to overcome an invorn tendency

I think your examples are good and easily to expand. Your words are very accurate. But it's better if you write one more example. Sat teachers prefer 5 paragraphs and a long essay. Writing 3 examples will probably makes your essay looks longer and makes your grade nicer! :)

Keep going!
amytsai   
Apr 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / SAT Essay - Does everyone see a thing from the same perspective? [2]

There was a impoverished man--> There was an impoverished man

I think your essay is too weak, without any specific examples. Sat essay focuses on the examples you gave to support your idea. For example, you can give an example and cite it is from the classic--Moby Dick. All of your examples are too vague.

I can see you have already got some point on how to write Sat essay because your essay is already "look like" a Sat essay. I recommend you to look some sample essays so you will know how to go on.

And by the way, the words you used are accurate and this is very good.
Keep going! :)
amytsai   
Apr 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / People's lives are the result of the choices they make - examples in people and in the literature. [3]

Prompt 4: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?

Since the dawn of civilization, men and women are participating in an everlasting attempt to improve their lives by making choices. Every choices we made determine our next step and might eventually turn the course of our lives. People's lives are the result of the choices they make. This universal notion is exemplified through people and literatures.

The prime example is Sam Worthington. When he turned 30, he did not know the purpose of his life. Taking a leap of faith, he decided to sell all his possessions and started living in his car. Later he received a call from James Cameron, a famous Hollywood movie director who wanted to cast him in his new movie---Avatar. The choice of selling all his possessions resulted in stardom and the life Worthington possesses now. If Worthington had not made the choice, his life would have been totally different. However, because he made the choice, when Cameron asked him to come to America, he had nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Another exemplary paragon is depicted in the classic---Moby Dick. Ahab, Ishmael and Starbuck are sailors on the Pequod. This ship is on a whaling trip. However, Ahab is after one whale particularly---Moby Dick. Ahab wants revenge for Moby Dick's bite of his leg. At the end, Ahab throws a harpoon toward Moby Dick and gets accidentally dragged into the water and drowns. Moby Dick also rams the Pequod, causing it to sink. Eventually, everyone on board except Ishmael died. Because of Ahab's choice of avenging Moby Dick, all the people surrounding him were suffered and he himself turns out to be a selfish man who sacrifices others just for seeking revenge.

The last paradigm is delineated in The Adventure of Huck. Huck is originally a white bigot who likes to mock at the slave---Jim. Accustomed to conforming to society's idea, he ultimately breaks the mold and chooses to help Jim escape to freedom. After spending time with Jim, Huck perceives Jim is amiable, benign and just as human as the rest of the society. At length they create an unbreakable and forever amity. If Huck did not choose to succor Jim, he would never realize his perception of African Americans was wrong, and would never meet such a sincere friend.

From the quintessential attributes above, we can fathom that people's lives are the result of their choices. We can also comprehend that while we are making choices, we should be scrupulous, or we will end up to be another Ahab, a person who not only makes his own life miserable but also implicates others

thank you!!! by the way, can you grade this essay?? thank you so much!!
@ amytsai