Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Practice : Side Effect of Smoking Besides Health Issue [5]

Question : Despite health warnings, a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.
Why should we be concerned about this?
What solutions would you suggest?

Smoking is not only effected smoker's health, but also has some environmental effects. As long as people does not concerned for this problem, the impact would become more and more advanced. I would argue that the best solution for this is to substitute some cigarette industries with the more useful one.

There are many ways in which smoking are responsible for environment problem, while the most significant one is causing pollution. The atmosphere would contaminated by over 4000 dangerous chemical contained in one cigarette, like nicotine and tar. Imagine if a people smoked 1 pack of 12 cigarettes a day, and there were 100 peoples smoking in that region. This would indicate the huge amount of poisonous chemical released to the air each day. Pollution caused by smoking is not only limited to air pollution, but also to land and water as well. Millions of cigarette butts are left in the ground and end up in river or lake. This would have a severe effect for the ecosystem in both areas. For example, the population of living creature in a lake is disturbed and likely decreased by cigarette chemical that has dissolved in the water.

Supported by arguments above, I would likely to suggest that government should limit the existence of tobacco plant and divert it to another industry sector instead, like food-producing plant. As far as I'm concerned, this world needs food more than cigarette. Food is human basic needs, while cigarette is just the matter of self satisfaction that has more disadvantages to earth and society.

Could you please help me reviewing this essay? Thank tou! :)

Writing Feedback / The bar chart shows the yearly visitors of National Gallery, Victoria and Albert Museum [2]

This bar chart shows the yearly visitors of National Gallery, Victoria and Albert Museum, British Gallery over 2007 to 2012. Generally speaking, the peak of visitor was at 2012, reaching at 40 million peoples. In contrast, the fewest number of visitors was at 2009 and 2010, both of which accounted for around 23 million.

It was immediately apparent that the most popular museum from 2007 until 2009 was Victoria and Albert Museum. However, the visitors were decreased significantly from 2008 and reached its lowest point at 2010. After that, it gradually rose by around 4 million visitors within 2 years. The most notable development of visitor was at National Gallery which had a rise of 10 million visitors for over 6 years period to 16 million visitors, which had became the most visited museum at 2012. In stark contrast, British Museum had an upward trend of visitors after 2009, while on 2007 dropped significantly by around 50%, and remained steady on the bottom line for the next 2 years.

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Writing Feedback / Human population growth can cause a severe effect to economic condition on overpopulated area [2]

Question : Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems

Human population growth increase 1.1% per year and has turned into over population. This problem could cause a severe effect to economic condition on overpopulated area. It would be better if both of government and individual have effective strategies to avoid this.

There are variety reasons why overpopulation could harm the economic condition. The most significant of these is the availability of natural resources, especially the non-renewable one, which growth inversely with human population growth.

There are variety reasons why overpopulation could harm the economic condition. The most significant of these is the availability of natural resources, especially the non-renewable one, which growth inversely with human population growth. These would be simply illustrated by this scenario. If the population increased, people's needs for energy would increase too. However, the most common energy resource is non-renewable, which will leads to energy scarcity. The result of this imbalance supply and demand is not only the raise of energy rates, but also living cost.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Number of private cars increased and its effects [6]

Nowadays, number of private cars has increased, so does the pollution in many cities. Pollution is not the only problem caused by it. It has increased the number of accident and traffic jam in peak hours. To solve this problem, we must track from its root.

The first question that comes up in my mind is why do people can get private cars easily? As we can see this day, a wealthy family usually owns more than 3 cars in their garage. One car is for the husband, one car for the wife and the rest of it for their children. Besides their personal needs and their purchase ability, easiness of owning private cars also influences the amount of it. The presence of credit card or other credit product, the low annual tax for owning private, and low cost related to it like fuel cost, toll cost and parking cost makes everybody won't hesitate their decision to have their own private cars.

The next question is why do people prefer using private cars than public transportation? Although various public transportation available, people usually prefer using private cars because it is simpler and more convenient. Moreover, security is also being an issue. These days, crime often occurs in public transportation.

To reduce the amount of private cars, in my opinion, there are two approaches. The first one is government approach. Government should be more accertive to the cost of fuel, parking and toll. I think it's better to reduce their subsidy and use it to other critical sector like to equalize the development and educational level of each province. Also, government should be more concern to public transportation system, like how the public transportation become more convenient, on schedule, simple and secure.

The second approach is to change our point of view. We should think that use public transportation or other less pollution transportation like bicycle, as an opportunity to live healthier and to make this earth less pollution.

Dear people :) could you please review this essay for me? I'm a beginner IELTS taker :) Thank you!