Posts by nk1992

nk1992

Apr 28, 2015

Scholarship / Lost in a sea of scholarship appeals [2]

Hi! Here are some changes that I feel might be necessary..

I am writing this appeal following a letter I received in the mail at the first of this month that stated I was rejected consideration for the Regents' scholarship due to no high school transcript being received.

With reference to the (name of the letter/subject) that I received this month, It has been stated that the reason behind the rejection was due to the unavailability of my high school transcript. However, I am certain that the academic transcripts were attached along with the rest of my paperwork. In any case, my counselor [name], was present when I was mailing the letter. Moreover, she has already sent you a letter explaining her side of the story. Anyway, I am attaching a second copy of the transcript with this letter. I, therefore, request you to please consider me for this scholarship as I have put in a tremendous amount of effort to meet the eligibility requirements of the scholarship.

Please feel free to contact me in case of further queries.

Thank you for your time.

Yours sincerely,

nk1992

Apr 23, 2015

Scholarship / My last chance to study abroad in my life: Scholarship essays (Future, Study plans) [2]

instead of:

I participated in a meeting at United Nations ...

you can write:
I attended a meeting held at the United Nations University in Japan with a visiting lecturer, who is a specialist working at the UN Refugee Agency.

instead of:
Along with the Economics study, I took a number of .../font]

you can write:
While studying economics, I chose a variety of field modules such as International Law and International Organization Law, which I believe would throw some light in solving the refugee issue.

instead of:
After my graduation, I had the chance to gain the experience [...] today who lost their lives all of a sudden.

you can write:
After graduating, I had the opportunity to work for the UNHCR in the Republic of Korea, as a fundraiser. While working at UNHCR, I have gained valuable experience which further helped me set my target. My ultimate goal is to get proactively involved in changing the lives of several refuges. The fact that there are thousands of refugees who have lost their identity in the process, continues to make me work harder towards attaining my goal

I am not a professional proof-reader, but I would suggest that you check your grammar and sentence formation. Hope this helps you out! Cheers mate! :)

nk1992

Apr 23, 2015

Scholarship / PG Scholarship essay highlighting my achievements and potential - Pl. review [4]

Thank you all for your insights. I have taken it into consideration and come up with a new version of my essay. I know that I have exceeded the word limit, but I am really confused about which sentences to be deleted!! Everything is connected and I feel that if I delete something, it might end up changing the meaning of the later sentences. Any help guys?? Thanks in advance!! :)

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nk1992

Apr 22, 2015

Poetry / Analysis on the poem: Road Not Taken [3]

The majority of the poem is a tone of thoughtfulness. The poet further considers taking a chance of fate ~~and in fear of obstacles that may be faced later as the excerpt describes" Then read the other one, just as fair, and perhaps had the better claim"~~ even though he hasn't looked into the second pot thoroughly enough, he decides that he needs to make a decision quickly with the possibility of making the wrong choice in the future.

I think you should write a summary of the poem at the end. Maybe you could try using transitional phrases like " To sum up" , "In brief" or "In short"

Also, just mention the main highlights of the poem in the summary para. Try to keep it short (3-4 sentences)

nk1992

Apr 22, 2015

Scholarship / PG Scholarship essay highlighting my achievements and potential - Pl. review [4]

Hey guys! Need your help on this scholarship essay!!!
Instructions given by University -
This is an opportunity to demonstrate your outstanding academic, personal or professional achievement or potential. This statement should include the following information:
- Academic and other relevant professional achievements
- How you expect to benefit from your chosen course of study
- How you have the potential to make an exceptional contribution to the University, and to society after you graduate
Please do not include information which is not relevant to the scholarship criteria, e.g. Achievements in extra-curricular activities (such as voluntary work or excellence in the arts, sports or other areas of individual achievement), or financial circumstances.

Please do not use the statement from your University Application form, the academic panel will already have this information.
There is a limit of 750 words in this box. You cannot exceed this
Please do not include bullet points or indent paragraphs in your supporting statement
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When I was 13 years old, my mother put up a poster of Swami Vivekananda, which said, "Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, and every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success."

To be honest, at 13, I didn't quite understand what it meant. Leave all other ideas alone? Focus only on 1 thing and that's the way to success.

That's pretty easy, I thought. Today when I look back at that poster I can now begin to understand what Mr. Vivekananda was talking about. It's perseverance, which I know is the strong determination to achieve your goal no matter what may come your way. And in this journey to reach perseverance, we may triumph or lose. In these 22 years of my life, I have strived hard to eventually succeed in attaining my goals. It isn't the case that I am extremely brilliant or perfect, I just like to work hard. When I was appointed to be become the high school prefect, I learned that the key to be amicable is to be clear, compassionate and confident in your motive. Therefore, in meetings, I would closely listen to how my teachers and fellow prefects would react to any suggestions made by me. Gradually, I kept tuning my ways of communicating with others, which rewarded me by winding up with effective leadership and communication skills. Moreover, these skills also helped me become a confident person, who was proactively involved in the responsibilities that were given in the form of organizing and running events for the parents and the pupils of the school. These valuable skills that I gained in high school have always continued to help me in the long run.

Moreover, I believe that my greatest professional accomplishment so far, was achieved during my final year of engineering. The task was simple and precise. We had to work in groups and collaborate our work to come up with a software design and solution. After several intensive rounds of interviews, a software product development company, **, selected our team. Our goal was to come up with something that was unique in the market. Apart from the technical skills that involved, getting to work with firsthand and advance technologies and also being exposed to the best industry practices, I have understood that successful project development and execution cannot be learned from books. It's all about the experience. During this phase, I have learned much more than just the technical and intellectual matter. The main challenge was to always be prepared for any unforeseen obstacles that can change your plans midway. Being the group leader, I acknowledged the fact that the only way out, was to adapt and survive. My target was to practice sound computer science concepts and SDLC flows, which meant that an ample amount of time should be given to the software design phase, before commencing the implementation phase. I believe that this leads to fewer errors. Eventually, our years worth of hard work finally paid off when our project was on of the 'Top 5 Final Year Engineering Projects 2014' by the college. Hence, I consider that my greatest strength is, my ability to work independently and in groups, in order to use the relevant resources in a manner that reflects a high standard practice, which helps me deal with complex issues in a systematic and creative way. I have chosen the course of Information systems management because after thorough research of the course content, the brilliant lecturers and the university's amazing student experience, I can confidently say that this course will help me broaden my horizon. Achieving the *** Postgraduate scholarship would further boost my resolve towards success.

As for my plans after graduation, I believe, "Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion." - Tony Hsieh. I ultimate goal is to work in an environment that centers on the employee's input. Passionate companies that take the innovative visions and ideas of the employees into consideration and help them bring it to reality. Moreover, it could be companies that encourage the employees, through its values and beliefs, to give back to the society. Thanks to the University of **'s great link to the industry, I can confidently say that the search for working at my dream company will be much easier. I am well aware that after my graduation, I will become a lifetime member of the university's alumni network. With this exciting opportunity, I would like to get involved by being an active member of the alumni network and lend a helping hand by volunteering at fundraising events, serve the community with students and other fellow alumni or just catch up with old friends by attending the reunion events. Undoubtedly, no matter where I am in life, I think that prospective students always benefit when an alumni shares their experience and advice. In this way, I could help prospective students to make an informed choice for their future as well as help the university gain the best students from around the world. To sum up, whether this essay helps me bag the scholarship, I would be honored to be a part of **'s thriving worldwide family to help me make exceptional contributions to the university.