Writing Feedback / TOEFL IndependentEssay - Tips how should governments encourage energy savings? [3]

Hello there,
Just finished a recent TOEFL writing practice (topic included), test is coming up in a few days, I need your feedback and advice on my writing skills. Please feel free to make comments and suggestions on my work (...would be nice if anyone can point out the problems with my write-up and also ways I can make meaningful improvements...)

Any help will be greatly appreciated...
Thank you so much in advance.

TOEFL Independent Writing Topic:
Do you agree or disagree: the most effective way for governments to encourage energy conservation is to increase the price of gasoline and electricity?

Response:
To push people into using less energy by simply raising the price is a neither effective nor everlasting means. So, I totally disagree with the statement and reasons are as follows.

First, if the governments increase the price of energy, social harmony and stability will be disturbed. With gasoline and electricity more expensive, the majority of the citizens, who do not have much money left after paying routine expense, will certainly suffer a lot from a bigger energy use expenditure. Thus, there is no doubt that they will complain for such a burden and become dissatisfied to the government. However, wealthy family will not be influenced at all, since the extra money they need to pay for the increased price is so little compared to the fortune they own. They, therefore, will not limit their use of energy for such a slight change in their point of view. And these different effects brought to different social levels will enlarge the gap between the poor and the rich and exaggerate the conflicts between social status, which will lead to an unstable dangerous situation in the country.

And as far as I am concerned, setting up energy-saving standards in industry is a more initiative and effective way for governments to take. In other words, governments should publish some policies to encourage or require companies to produce commodities that will consume less energy. For example, if companies produced a car whose engine burns gasoline more efficiently, the widespread use of the car would contribute greatly to energy conservation spontaneously. And with governments' support such as money for energy-saving products' study in companies and their popularization among public, it will work out very soon and smoothly.

In addition, in the long term, educating citizens to get aware of the importance of energy conservation is the most fundamental way to achieve the goal of energy conservation. Only after the public knows their responsibility to their descendants, the country and the whole world, will they start to save energy in their daily life voluntarily. And that also means the whole society will conserve energy in all ways they can do, bringing a good result that no any other way could compare with. That is why governments have to do it anyway despite the fact that improving citizens' quality in this aspect takes long time. After all, it is worth much more than the pay the governments have to give.

According to the reasons I mentioned above, it just too hard for me to agree with the statement.

---THE END---

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Independent Essay - to attract tourists: improve safety or improve buildings? [2]

Hello there,
Just finished a recent TOEFL writing practice (topic included), test is coming up in a few days, I need your feedback on sentences and advice on my writing skills. Please feel free to make comments and suggestions on my work (...would be nice if anyone can point out the problems with my write-up and also ways I can make meaningful improvements...)

Any help will be greatly appreciated...
Thank you so much in advance.

TOEFL Independent Writing Topic:
Do you agree or disagree? In order to attract more tourists, government should improve the safety by hiring more police or improve the appearance by improving the old buildings and streets.

Attracting more tourists not only facilitates the tourism of the country, but also benefits the transmission of the local culture. However, for the sake of increasing tourists, government will look stupid if it try to improve safety by hiring more police or improve the appearance of the old buildings and streets.

First, the increase of the number of police only will work out for a very transient time and actually the most essential way to improve the safety is to raise the standard of social welfare. Only after all citizens can make a basic living, will they not have the tendency to commit crime or incite chaos in the country. And this will also give tourists a impression of the society harmony and then encourage them to visit the country. That is why government should focus on social welfare instead of merely add more police.

Second, the history of the whole nation or country is based on the old architectures and streets. If the appearance of these old buildings and streets changes, the fascination of these historic treasures will completely vanish, and we will lose the chance to trace the ancestors' memories. In other words, what really lures hundreds of thousands of tourists to pay their visit to the country will be ruined once the government decides to improve the appearance of these old things. Therefore, actually the measure even has a opposite effect to reach the government's goal.

What's more, I think there are many other ways can help attract more tourists. For example, it is a good idea for government to support the study on the traditional culture which can dig out the core of spirits passed generation after generation in the country. Also, government should pay great effort to transmit the local culture all over the world by various tools like TV programs and culture colleges in foreign countries. In conclusion, I believe the proposed two ways in the statement are so limited that they could not work out at all.