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Posts by fafarrukh
Name: Fatima Farrukh
Joined: Sep 5, 2015
Last Post: Sep 24, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 13  
Likes: 2
From: United States of America
School: Woodson

Displayed posts: 16
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fafarrukh   
Sep 24, 2015
Undergraduate / Makeup is my weak spot- Common App Essay [8]

I have listened to your advice very seriously and have come up with a new introduction. Of course, since my essay continued on the theme of the intro, I've had to make numerous changes throughout the essay and am still deciding how to phrase couple things.

I could feel my friend's glare emanating across the packed theater. I scurried into my seat, flinging popcorn all over the floor. Getting ready had taken longer than I had anticipated. I would blend into the audience like every other person, yet I took as much time getting ready as if I would at my wedding.

"You're late!" she hissed/grumbled. The movie began ten minutes ago, but all I could think about was my perfectly symmetrical eyeliner.

I discovered my passion for makeup in the seventh grade after watching my first tutorial on YouTube: Peacock Eye Makeup. Since then, I've loved playing with makeup. I grab every opportunity I can to experiment with different techniques/looks. I keep practicing until I perfect my skill. Over the years, I've mastered the art of contouring, strobing and the cat eye. It's no surprise I'm usually the most overdone/*in search of a better word person in the room.

"Last time you're late", I scolded myself. This was highly unlike me. I'm the girl who arrives early, never rushing to reach at the last minute. I'm the biology nerd who teaches herself the curriculum over the summer. And I'm not self-absorbed. I aspire to become a doctor to help others and will persevere through any challenges I face.

The last thing I want to be considered as is frivolous because I like to look pretty and love makeup. I enjoy being that girl who interns at a clinic, writes blogs and travels to refugee camps. I finish my work early and religiously follow my meticulous schedule. I consider myself a mature individual with a realistic outlook on life. In fact, I pride myself for having my priorities straight.

However, makeup is my weak spot. I love the confidence it inspires in me. It gives me the power to express myself artistically. Many believe makeup is for those insecure about their flaws, but I disagree. Makeup isn't about hiding, it's about highlighting. It's an art for both the subtlest and the most dramatic transformations. Most importantly, it's fun. I'm not going to lie: most days I'm in sweats and my dad's oversized t-shirts, but sometimes it feels good to glam up. It's incredible how a full face of makeup makes me feel like I could conquer the world/my day ten times better/makes me feel so powerful. *make stronger sentence.

I love the drivenness my nerdy side brings out of me. It compels me to excel in every aspect of my life. Although I strive for a career in medicine, I love that I have much to learn about and from the world of makeup. Makeup allows me to escape the demands of real life. It is my haven for solace in and away from home. Without it, my life would not be half as wonderful as it is today. My personality would be incomplete without both my nerdy and free-spirit side. They have united to make me the creative and ambitious person I am today. I know I will become a successful doctor but one rocking winged eyeliner and killer cheekbones.
fafarrukh   
Sep 20, 2015
Undergraduate / Makeup is my weak spot- Common App Essay [8]

The prompt I'm answering is:
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I'm considering the "interest" part of the prompt. I've gone through numerous drafts because I had trouble focusing my essay on one thing only. I guess I wanted to share too much in 500 words but really have tried to narrow it down to just my passion for makeup vs. meticulous, realistic me.

"Makeup is my weak spot" is supposed to show the other side of my personality from the one where I "religiously follow my meticulous schedule." I'm trying to convey it's the one thing which isn't structured, "mature", focused about me. It's the one thing that distracts me from my work. I wasn't thinking it on the lines of splurging. Do you have any suggestions on how to make this idea clearer? I will work on it myself too.

The reason why I have buts, ands starting some sentences is because I read that we should write as we speak for college essays. I will edit them, however, if they are deterring away from the essay as errors rather than my "unique" voice. I'll try finding an appropriate substitute for "thing" because I think the last sentence would be incomplete without "which is basically the same ___"

Thanks for all of the help with the grammatic mistakes. I will edit those ASAP.
fafarrukh   
Sep 20, 2015
Undergraduate / Makeup is my weak spot- Common App Essay [8]

"Please call your local store for product availability. Quantities are limited."
My heart pounded out of my chest as I read those frightening words. What if Champagne Pop sold out? I could never get my hands on one except for those selling for three times the price on eBay. It was expensive like the other cosmetics yet different. Sparkling. Twinkling. My AP Bio lab report lay on my bed untouched, yet there I was, drooling over a highlighter. I couldn't help but stare at its glamorous pictures on Sephora's website, convincing me all the more how much I needed it. Becca's Champagne Pop was calling out to me.

I discovered my passion for makeup in seventh grade when I watched my first tutorial on YouTube: Peacock Eye Makeup. Since then, I've loved playing with makeup. I generally limit myself to buying affordable products from the drugstore otherwise I'd become broke within days. But this time, I craved the luxurious forty dollar Champagne Pop. I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Stop wasting time!" I scolded myself. This was highly unlike me. I'm the girl who completes her work in school, not scurrying to finish last minute. I'm the biology nerd who teaches herself the curriculum over the summer. And I'm not self-absorbed. I aspire to become a doctor to help others and will persevere through any challenges I face.

The last thing I want to be considered is frivolous because I like to look pretty and love makeup. I enjoy being that girl who interns at a clinic, writes blogs and travels to refugee camps. I finish my work early and religiously follow my meticulous schedule. I consider myself a mature individual with a realistic outlook on life. In fact, I pride myself for having my priorities straight.

However, makeup is my weak spot. I love the confidence it inspires in me. It gives me the power to express myself artistically. Many believe makeup is for those insecure about their flaws, but I disagree. Makeup isn't about hiding, it's about highlighting. It's an art for both the subtlest and the most dramatic transformations. And most importantly, it's fun. I'm not going to lie: most days I'm in sweats and my dad's oversized t-shirts, but sometimes it feels good to glam up. Never ask me why I'm late if I'm rocking winged eyeliner and killer cheekbones.

Makeup allows me to escape the demands of real life. It is my haven for solace in and away from home. Without it, my life would not be half as wonderful as it is today. I've learned that it's okay to splurge once in a while for the little things that make me happy. I cherish Champagne Pop today as much as I did when it first arrived in the mail. It's more than a highlighter for me. It's my first act of spontaneity, my break from prudence. It gave me an adrenaline rush like never before. Although I strive for a career in medicine, I love that I have much to learn about and from the world of makeup. It's still difficult for the frugal side of me to justify my purchase, but wearing forty dollars on your cheekbones has its own charm. Money can't buy happiness, but it buys me makeup which is basically the same thing.

This is probably my 11th draft. Please criticize/comment freely. Thanks a lot!
fafarrukh   
Sep 7, 2015
Undergraduate / The heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. [9]

I greatly appreciate all of your feedback. I've considered every single one of your points with great attention. After much thought and editing, I've made only a couple more changes to the essay since I'm limited to 250 words. I spent a great deal trying to incorporate specific aspects of the heart that challenged me, but the essay was becoming too long. Hopefully it is still clear and not redundant.
fafarrukh   
Sep 7, 2015
Undergraduate / "I've always wanted to keep a diary. " UVA Quirk Essay [3]

Thank you so much for your input!
Many say that for college essays write as you'd talk, so that's why I have many sentences starting with But, etc.

I have another essay I need help with if you could take out the time to look that one over, I'd greatly appreciate it!
fafarrukh   
Sep 6, 2015
Undergraduate / The heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. [9]

This is my reedited version:

The heart beating inside me wasn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. When I was 8 years old, this was quite the heartbreak (pun intended). My dainty heart doodles, my fluffy heart pillow, my pink heart shirt had betrayed me. If those weren't hearts then what was?

That moment marked the beginning of my love for science and human anatomy. Now nothing intrigues me more than my own heart. Its intricacy, its command, its strength baffles me. The heart is a system of itself, intimately intertwined with the nervous and endocrine systems. With its faithful, steady beat. it continuously pumps blood around the body. I often wonder how I live my life clueless to this excitement buzzing within me. I've searched through various books and journals to cure my curiosity. Only after diligently studying the heart have I realized its complexity. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, pushing me to dig deeper to understand it. The answers are right in front on me, but I'm asking the wrong questions.

It disappoints me that my efforts have led to mere ambiguity, but they've only driven me to further study this muscle. After my dedicated research, I consider myself acquainted with my heart, hoping to soon become best friends. The heart will continue to bewilder me, but it's nothing I can't handle. I will solve this enigma and learn its silent language. It might even tell me its secrets itself.
fafarrukh   
Sep 6, 2015
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

I think this is a great thread for students to communicate and help each other. I just discovered it yesterday and very glad I did! Hope I can get some help for my college essays :)
fafarrukh   
Sep 6, 2015
Undergraduate / "I've always wanted to keep a diary. " UVA Quirk Essay [3]

Describe one of your quirks and why it is part of who you are.

It took me ages to think of one I could write about. Please edit critically! I could use all the help I can get.

I've always wanted to keep a diary. After reading Meg Cabot's The Princess Diaries, I tried on multiple occasions but failed. Neither do I have the dedication nor the patience to daily scribble away pages of my endless adventures. And as it turns out, Mia Thermopolis discovering she's a princess has much more to say than I do. But even after my fifth attempt, I refused to throw out my "diary". I decided I'd keep it for whenever I did find something to write about. Five years later, I'm glad I did. Writing in my diary is now an essential part of my day. And it's my unique quirk because I write not in the way Mia does. I don't pour out my emotions and describe my every activity. I've never been able to fill pages with empty talk, and that's why traditional "Dear Diary" entries never work for me. I tweeze out the spark from my quotidian life, good or bad. Never a page or a paragraph. Just a line or two. About an unexpected challenge. A peculiar stranger. An act of kindness. In desperate times, the changing weather. I want to look back and remember more than a conventional life but not necessarily a perfect one. Time is slipping by, and my one line entries grab snippets for me to revisit in the future. I will learn from my mistakes. And I will smile at my accomplishments. But cherish I will them both.
fafarrukh   
Sep 6, 2015
Undergraduate / The heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. [9]

Thanks for your input! If I do use "After studying the heart, I realize that it is complex and this pushes me to dig deeper to understand it." how could I incorporate:

The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, pushing me to dig even deeper. Chances are the answers are right in front of me, but I'm asking the wrong questions. It disappoints me that my efforts have led to mere ambiguity, but they've only driven me to further study this muscle.

Or do you think I should cut it all out because its redundant?

Thanks once again, I really need the help!
fafarrukh   
Sep 5, 2015
Undergraduate / Leadership and no titles - What is my identity? [4]

It's a really well done essay! There are two ways to think of it: it's either a justification of why you didn't hold a title or a thought-provoking way of why titles don't matter. So it's a risky one but well written.
fafarrukh   
Sep 5, 2015
Undergraduate / The heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. [9]

As it turns out, the heart beating inside me isn't the traditional Valentine's Day heart I always knew it to be. For 8-year-old me, this was quite the heartbreak (pun intended). My dainty heart doodles, my fluffy heart pillow, my pink heart shirt had betrayed me. If those weren't hearts then what was?

That terrifying moment marked the beginning of my love for science and human anatomy. But nothing intrigues me more than my fellow heart. Its intricacy, its command, its strength baffles me. The heart is a system of itself, intimately intertwined with the nervous and endocrine systems. It doesn't ask for much, yet it continues to pump blood around the body with its faithful, steady beat. I often wonder how I live my life clueless to the excitement buzzing within me. I've dug through various books and journals to cure my curiosity. All provide a myriad of information about its structure and functions, but none leave me satisfied. The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know, pushing me to dig even deeper. Chances are the answers are right in front of me, but I'm asking the wrong questions. It disappoints me that my efforts have led to mere ambiguity, but they've only driven me to further study this muscle. The heart will continue to bewilder me, but it's nothing I can't handle. I will solve this enigma and learn its silent language.

Thanks for editing! (College supplemental essay: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?)
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