Posts by angelwu

angelwu

Dec 10, 2015

Writing Feedback / People are never satisfied with what they have. They always want something different. [4]

Man is created by god with a thing called desire. (better not to use "thing." Try rephrasing it) What people have are never enough for them. (People are never satisfied with what they have)People (They) always want something else, a better job, a better car, another wife, and yet they will never (be) satisfied. I would (will)have to agree with the statement and I will give different reasons for supporting my opinion. (I will agree with the statement and here are the reasons.) (For "the statement" It would be better if you mentioned it at the beginning, like "There is a saying that says blah blah blah")

The desire, I mentioned above (earlier) can destroyed (destroy) human race ~~itself~~ . There are many examples to proof it, such as (the) incident in Kalimantan, Riau or (and) other province(s), . forest burning that make a half of Indonesian people cannot life with clean air and plenty of them was died in that situation .(The burning of the forests killed half of Indonesian people by destroying the habitat.) This is happen(s) because ~~some~~ (there are some) people want to make the forest (in)to be plantation of coconut to increase (earn more) ~~their~~ money.

However, desire is not just making a bad thing but a good thing too. (desire is not always a bad thing, it could benefit the society as well.) Technology such as computer, hand phone, plane, internet were found because people have (the)desire ~~to make a better world~~ .(to improve the world into a better place) Imagine, what if there are no people that have desire in this world (nobody had desire), I believe this world would have a condition same as 20 centuries ago. (should mention what was it like 20 centuries ago. Why isn't it good to be like 20 centuries ago)

To (it) sum up. People will never satisfied (be satisfied) with what they have. This situation could bring bad or goodness (be bad and good) to human race. It depends on how people ~~can~~ control their desire.

It is good :) But it would be better if you could add some transitions :D

angelwu

Oct 22, 2015

Undergraduate / "Sky Poo" PERSONAL STATEMENT My dream to assist people in finding happiness. [2]

This is my personal statement. Please give me as much suggestions as possible and also check my grammar. Thank you!

"Sky Poo" was what my friends and classmates used to call me when I was in elementary. Why "sky poo?" Because my name is Angel. In Chinese, it is "Tian Shi," but it also sounds like the Chinese word for"Sky Poo." In addition to that, I have a big mole on my face that looks like a poo. Starting from third grade, my classmates made up a song about how I am a Poo that fell from the sky and the mark is on my face, the mole. It was really funny and creative, but I didn't think it was funny because their words had hurt me deeply.

I was lucky to get rid of the mole at the age of eleven, so I didn't get any serious trauma; however, in those ten years, I lived under derision that led to the lack of confidence in my character. I was ashamed of my physical appearance that I would often keep my head down when I was walking. I also had hard times looking at people's eyes when we were talking because I was afraid that I was too ugly for them to look at. Living under the sense of inferiority, I started to hide myself under the crowd, which led to a great part of my personality, quiet and shy.

Even though I got rid of the mole, there was a while when I still felt uncomfortable about my physical appearance. After so many years, with the encouragement from my family and friends, I have successfully walked out of the shadow. Nobody thought that this joke could hurt me so much, but it did. From this experience, I realized how an event that may seem to be trivial can actually affect a person's entire life. That is why when you go visit a psychologist, he or she will often ask about your background and past events because these two factors are what made you the way you are today.

The experience I encountered was not that serious, but it already has a great impact on who I am today. Imagine those people who are experiencing or had experienced more serious events in their lifetimes that led to their pessimistic view toward life. My goal in life is to help people at all ages with their hardships and guide them toward happiness. Especially nowadays, the society is getting more complicated and competitive, people are pressuring each other too much. People tend to live under stress and forget how to enjoy life. I want people to find the true and eternal happiness deep inside them, and not trying to bury it. To achieve my goal, I want to understand how exactly behavior and character of a person is developed by studying psychology, and through that, I will assist people in crossing the barrier between themselves and happiness.

I choose to go to Chinese University of Hong Kong not only because it provides psychology as a major, but also because it provides a flexible environment for the students to select courses and electives in any way the students prefer. The school also encourages students to achieve double majors and double degrees, which allows me to study psychology and education at the same time to learn more on how to exert my knowledge of psychology while teaching children. Another reason I choose to go to CUHK is its location. CUHK is located in Hong Kong, where it is developing into a culturally integrated community. This kind of environment suits me because I have been living in an international environment for the past twelve years; however, with all the opportunities and programs CUHK provides, it enables me to exert my knowledge of psychology into the society, as well as nurturing me to become a better global citizen.

angelwu

Oct 21, 2015

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing--whether parents should exchange their ideas about education methods with teachers [3]

Overall, you did a great job in supporting your thesis; however, there are some awkward sentences. I bolded the part that I think you should change.

Parents, nowadays, attach more importance on the education of their children, and among assorted factors affect the education, the teaching method stands out.(awkward) The teaching methods, in myriad of people's eyes , whether correct or incorrect, should be utilized and employed by various teachers ruling out the(despite the) thoughts of parents. Contrary to these people's opinion is my perspective that it is (Contrary to other people's opinions, I think it is better to put forward the disagreements...) better to put forward the disagreements due to a better study performance, the long-term development of children, and right standard of education.

To begin with, incorrect teaching method, without a doubt, is likely to exert negative influence on the academic performance of children. As it is known to all, good study habits such as preparing lessons in advance, taking notes in class, revising the class in time, will benefit children's academic performance. Hardly can children perform well in studying if they are educated and engaged in incorrect method.(It is hard for children to perform well academically if they are educated and engaged in the incorrect method.) A good case to this point is what happened to me.(I, personally, is a good example.) My math teacher in primary school, with a belief that it is quantity that can contribute to success rather than quality, always assign numerous homework for us to practice and never leave time for us to revise the errors. Under such circumstance, however,most of students' behaviors in math in my class go from bad to worse because of this wrong method.(most students in my class have failed the class due to the wrong teaching method.)Therefore(In response to this), parents should point out if the method is wrong for the better outcome of their children's study.

Furthermore, the long-run benefit of right teaching methods serves as another contributor to put forward the ideas. Lots of provinces in west of China that like (such as) Shanxi and Jiangxi, where English teachers in these areas high school (are) seldom (to) train students (in) listening and speaking because the final exams (will) only (be) test(ed) (on) reading and writing rather than speaking and listening. On the other hands, teachers in the eastern Provinces such as Guangzhou and Jiangsu, teacher devote a lot (more) in teaching speaking and listening even these (though, these) two part only take (up) a minor part in (the) exams ~~due to they consider this method will benefit the students in the long run.~~ (The eastern teachers believed that this method will benefit the students in the long run, while) In the short-term, the students in the west provinces also can get quite outstanding scores in exams, but they don't get benefit the in the long run.(Can only benefit in the short run by getting outstanding scores in the exams.)This point can by aptly illustrated by the survey conducted by Xinhua News Agency. According to the survey,71% of (the) students (who) come from (study English in the eastern )provinces where teacher use right method to teach English get a better comprehensive ability (in English than those students from the western provinces.)of using English when they enter the society. In another words,This is conceivable, that thanks to (the) appropriate (and )suitable methods (conducted by the teachers), students can have a long-term benefit.

Last but not least, being exposed and engaging (engaged) in to("into" one word) incorrect method will do harm to the all-rounded development of students. Imagine a teacher praise(praising) a student who get a high scores in the exam by sacrificing his or her sleep time, then lots of students will mimic he or she to use the time which should take rest to study. (I don't understand what you are trying to say here... use another way to phrase this sentence) There is no doubt that this action will do serious harm for (to) the physical health of children. Moreover, the competition in the study(education field) will become more fiercer and fiercer, and children will be confronted with more stress, whichwill cause bad effects on their mental health.(eventually led to bad health) Hence, it is high time that parents gave suggestions to teacher if the method teacher use is wrong for the overall development of their children.(the parents should always give advises to the teachers for the good of the development of their children.)

To it sum up, considering the outcome of study, the long run benefit, and the all around development of their children, it is reasonable that parents should exchange their ideas with teacher if the method the teachers use is not right. (the method used by the teachers is not right)

angelwu

Oct 18, 2015

Undergraduate / HKU Personal Statement: If I could have one superpower, I would want to read other people's minds [2]

Please check my grammar, sentence structure, etc, and also suggestions on making the essay more appealing to the readers, thank you!

Prompt: Please provide information which you feel will be of interest to the Admissions Tutors and will help them know you better, e.g. your reasons for applying to HKU, the chosen curricula, extra-curricular activities, participation in voluntary work, past working experience, career aspirations and other achievements.

If I could have one superpower, I would want my superpower to be the ability to read other people's minds.

I like to help people, no matter who they are and what situation they are in, I would do whatever I can to help them. I like to see people's appreciated and content smiles when they feel relieved and happy. Happiness became the motivation that provokes me in helping and satisfying other people. This eventually led to my dream of becoming a psychiatrist because instead of making people feel happy temporaily, I want to make people feel happy permanently from deep inside their hearts. However, unless people tell me what they need help on, I don't know how and what kind of help they need. If I could "read" other people's minds, I will be able to easily know what they are thinking and help them by changing the way of their thinking.

To reach my goal of "reading" other people's minds, I paved myself a bright road toward my dream of becoming a psychiatrist; however, as college gets closer and closer each day, the road that I had initially paved became blurry. I started to doubt about my goal because, despite the fact that it takes a lot of time and afford to become a psychiatrist, the ability of "reading" people's minds and taking in all of that stress and negative connotations from everyone is a hard task. I don't know if I am able to handle all of that well and if that is what I truly want. Just when I was unsure of myself, I volunteered at a school that has made me view my future differently.

It was during the summer of 2015, I joined an organization called Hands on Shanghai. It is an organization that organizes many kinds of volunteers at schools and hospitals. I volunteered as a teacher's assistant at a school called Sunshine Homes that is established by the Chinese government to assist special people with mental challenges and improve their social adapability and quality of life. When I first went in, I didn't notice anything abnormal about them. To me, they were just normal people talking and getting ready for class. When the class started, I get to talk to some of the students and realized how they do have mental disabilities. Some have hard times talking, while some have hard times moving, but they are all willing to share their day and thoughts to the class.

There was this man who shared a his story of his. He said that a few weeks ago, he saw on the news about a firefighter who had saved a family, but during his rescue, he injured himself so severly that he had to stay in the hosptial for months. The man appreciated and admired the action of the firefighter and so he decided to donate money to the firefighter to help him with the expensive medical fee. For the past few weeks, the man saved up all of his allowances to donate them to the firefighter. Just on that day, he managed to go to the bank and donate 100 RMB to the firefighter. The teachers and his classmates were all very proud of his action. I also appreciated his action. Even though 100 RMB is not that much, but the heart he has in helping other people who need help is really valuable.

Although I only spent a few hours with them, but I find them all to be really kind-hearted and optimistic toward their lives. I really admire their willingness in expressing and being themselves, despite the fact that they are different. I believe that each and everyone of them must had hard times, but they all managed to overcome it. Their spirit has encouraged me in pursuing my dream of helping more people in establishing happiness. I want to be able to bring the courage out of everyone and brighten up their futures like how the school did to me and the students. I don't necessarly have to be a psychiatrist to "read" people's minds. I can still do so by studying psychology and mixing it with other fields. This way, I can not only do what I want, but also to learn more from connecting different fields together. For example, I can connect psychology with education, so that I can be a counselor at a school, who helps students deal with their hardships and walk them toward happiness.

This becomes the reason why I choose to go to Hong Kong University because HKU encourages its students to mix up the faculties to pursue their interests. The school also allows the students to exert their creativities during those four years of college and make the best out of all the opportunities the school provides. I believe that HKU will be able to provide me with all the opportunities I can possibiliy have to reach my goal, and I will hold onto these opportunities and run toward my dream.