Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by liliesandivory
Name: Anita Wong
Joined: Oct 18, 2015
Last Post: Nov 12, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 11  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 14
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
liliesandivory   
Nov 12, 2015
Graduate / Song that expresses who you are and why (250 words) [9]

woohoo!! That made my day! Thank you for taking the time to add to my essay as well. Extremely grateful for all the insightful and creative tips you've given. Still have many more essays to go but hopefully now I get the gist! :D
liliesandivory   
Nov 10, 2015
Graduate / Song that expresses who you are and why (250 words) [9]

OKAY I will not quit. Let's try this again.

I am the type of person that often has high expectations for myself and when something that I want does not follow through regardless of my full effort, I am devastated. However through the years I have grown to shake my failures off, which is why I relate to Robyn-'Dancing on My Own'. Robyn sings about an ex-boyfriend that moves on too soon and when she sees him across the dance floor with another woman, she is painfully aware but triumphantly announces 'I keep dancing on my own'.

When I was a sophomore in college, one of the things I looked forward to the most was the study abroad program. When I found out I didn't get in, I felt like a loser.My group of friends in school dissapated as they left to study abroad and it was painful to see their Facebook photos of their time abroad. However that year that I spent without my friends, I decided to turn my grades around and I came out on top of my class. Then when applications came around for the following year, I finally got in and went with a new group of talented people. When I fail it's undeniably painful and embarrassing, but I realize that mastering failure is a much more valuable lesson than winning. Therefore even with upsets and disappointments,I, like Robyn, am perfectly fine on my own.
liliesandivory   
Nov 6, 2015
Graduate / Architecture is a unique industry. In my world, Architects are gods. 500 word application essay. [5]

Tell us about your path to business school and your future plans. How will Berkeley-Haas experience help you along this journey? (500 words)

Let me first start by stating the obvious. I do not have a traditional business education and I stand very aware of the fact that I may likely be in the 'other' category as the small percentage of Architects that are applying to Business School.

Architecture is a unique industry. In my world, Architects are gods. We are drunk with our ability to create, meticulously painting our imaginations in the urban fabric. We spend our time obsessing over designs and resolving complex issues that take place from the city block to the nails that hold our materials together. Architecture is my first love. However through the years of practicing, I believe I have gained a clarity about the Architecture and Design industry. Those who practice Architecture are notorious for being underpaid, overworked, and business and employee value are frequently a low priority. Architects additionally often have a superiority complex that results in difficulty in dealing with clients and consultants alike. In the famous words of 'starchitect' Frank Gehry, "I don't know why people hire architects to tell them what to do". Although Architecture is an exciting venture, I have found through my years of practicing that our world is far too focused and stands for significant change.

In the business world, Gehry's statement would never realize. Business concerns are about growth and the strategies for profitability and overall sustainability. I believe that designers are far too interested in the end product rather than the interrelated strategy. This neglect I believe is a major cause to the degradation of Architects in the market.

That being said, I believe from this divide is why I need to be in Business School and why Berkeley-Haas is the place to be. I believe that designers like myself can learn from understanding business driven design rather than design driven business. Additionally, I feel strongly that it is time that the Design industry stand for a significant change and it should first start with individual project management. My hope for business school is to learn the skills that will pronounce me as a better leader that will help me challenge the practice of Architecture to better evolve in the changing world.As someone that comes from the largest architecture firm in the world, which in turns have the biggest impact on our built environment, I believe it's even more important to integrate evolving strategies to benefit our industry.

In an article from Kholsa Ventures to Haas back in 2013, he stood out say that people should not be afraid to challenge the status quo and although Architects certainly do challenge the status quo in their work, they rarely challenge it within their offices. Architecture is a traditional apprenticeship based profession and therefore not much has changed in the industry. I need to be in a school that says questioning traditions is a priority and with UC Berkeley having one of the best architecture and business schools in the country, in addition to working closely with design strategy firms, I believe this goal can be realized.
liliesandivory   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / I am a medical professional today despite my low record in science in high school -GRE issue essay [3]

Hi Ssakshijain,

I think your essay was good! I thought it was great that you started with arguments in your introduction and laid the essay out with introduction words that indicate your structure. Additionally I liked how you played devils advocate in the paragraphs which is a huge plus for the GRE essay.

However I felt that your first argument paragraph was much stronger than the second. I would like to see the second as hearty as the first. Did you time yourself with the essay? The hardest part of this essay is the time crunch. I suggest practicing brainstorming argument topics within a 3 minute interval. You can derive topics from the GRE website and it'll give you time to practice topics in quick time with topics that you may otherwise have never had an opinion about before.
liliesandivory   
Nov 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Comparison between Adams Realty and Fitch Realty estate firms - GRE argument essay [2]

I think your arguments are valid but my one comment would be that you introduce your arguments in your first paragraph, repeat your thesis in every supporting paragraph and restate your thesis again in your conclusion. In my experience of the GRE the higher scores tend to repeat the same information relentlessly.

I appreciate that your essay is structured very clearly and has indicator words that introduce what you're talking about.

Are you doing this essay timed? I don't think there is anything wrong with your arguments but what is the most challenging with the GRE essays is thinking about arguments about a random topic with a short amount of time. I highly suggest you practice churning out arguments about random topics within a 3 minute time interval. Since the topics are listed in the GRE website, it'll give you an opportunity to think about topics you've never otherwise had an opinion about.
liliesandivory   
Nov 6, 2015
Graduate / Song that expresses who you are and why (250 words) [9]

Hi All, I've been racking my brain for the last couple weeks trying to figure essay out and although I couldn't find one song, hopefully this satisfies the requirements and is an honest representation of who I am. Please let me know your feedback

When listening to my playlist to find a song that expresses who I am, I realize that it's difficult to say 'Eureka, that's it!". Songs to me are so individualized to the artist, it's hard to find that song that represents me. However as I was browsing through my playlists, an overwhelming nostalgia came over me and my mind started floating away to people as the songs played. That's when I realized that I'm a combination of songs. I am 'The Light' by Common, 'Always on Time' by Ashanti and more because these songs represented moments that make me whole.

When I was listening to 'The Light', I was brought into a moment when I was 16 and I was sitting in my friend's Mazda. It was 3 AM and he took me to his favorite spot where we saw street lights as far as the eye could see. To me that song expresses euphoria and human connection. 'Always on Time' represents a situation when I was in 8th grade and I chose this song for a presentation with girls that bullied me when I first moved into town. They made fun of me for months until I finally stopped them and found a new group of friends. 'Always on Time' represents strength.

In conclusion I would say that what represents me is this random and cheesy playlist because I am someone that holds on to the moments these songs represent and sees teachable opportunities in all points of life.
liliesandivory   
Oct 22, 2015
Graduate / Song that expresses who you are and why (250 words) [9]

If you could choose one song that expresses who you are, what is it and why? (250 words) MBA Application

In Pulp Fiction as directed by the Quentin Tarantino, there is a moment where Mia Wallace, as played by Uma Thurman, comes home drunk from a victorious win. She rushes to the tape player. The tape spins, clacks to a stop, and plays "Girl, You'll be a woman soon" by Neil Diamond.

The reason why I love this song first and foremost is my appreciation for Tarantino's artistry. This song in its moment serves as a transition for Mia's character and is a queue for an important moment in the movie. This beckons to my designer nature. Additionally, the song signifies more by both lyrically and cinematically representing Mia, the 'girl', and consequently myself.

In Neil Diamond's song, it is made clear that the girl is still a girl, not yet a woman. She is being told to grow up and that she needs a man. Although at first it sounds like she is being forced into a role, we come to realize that she is the one in control. Similarly, Mia Wallace lives in her husband's world. At first, the movie portrays her simply as the boss' wife. However as the movie goes on, we realize that she can stand on her own. She is intelligent, seductive, bold, and unapologetic.

What I appreciate about this song and this moment is a reminder of my own life when I have been undervalued. Where there have been moments as someone that stands as a young woman that works in a male dominated industry and comes from a patriarchal culture, that a lot of times I stand undervalued. However this song and this moment reminds me that it is important to remember that I, like Mia, am able to stand equally as independently and forcefully as my male counterparts.
liliesandivory   
Oct 22, 2015
Undergraduate / Top Architecture school, so prideful that simply creates a palpable electricity - why to be a Hokie? [4]

I agree with all the comments above. As someone that graduated from Architecture School I think it would be more valuable by elaborating on your passion with interior design and especially what you learned during your summer camp. I would talk about a project that you did, a teacher that you experienced, or any fascination with design that you can elaborate on.
liliesandivory   
Oct 22, 2015
Scholarship / Subject on Future Leaders - applying for the Chevening Scholarship [3]

leadership skills.

Hi Blutches

Although you have a lot of great achievements I personally think that this essay is a bit bland and isn't much beyond a resume list. I would personally would like to see you revise your essay by integrating Nelson Mandela's into the rest of your essay. Other than the first part of the essay, Mandela's reference really serves no purpose.

I would recommend that you search a little deeper into your leadership, beyond what you did and into how it assures that you will be a future leader. Turn this into your thesis statement.

Also as a side note please watch your run on sentences and eliminate phrases like 'aside sharing a birthday with me'. These phrases are a bit distracting and sidetrack the essay and your point.
liliesandivory   
Oct 18, 2015
Graduate / Moment that changed everything [5]

Thanks so much for the help! I think it's much better now that there is a back story set. I'm going to sit on this and take a relook in a few weeks. Should be posting more essays soon.
liliesandivory   
Oct 18, 2015
Graduate / Moment that changed everything [5]

@vangiespen Thanks for your notes and I absolutely agree with those questions. Unfortunately I'm only given 250 words with the prompt "Describe an event that changed the way you see the world and how it has transformed you.
liliesandivory   
Oct 18, 2015
Graduate / Moment that changed everything [5]

In February of 2008, I received a call from my dorm room. It was Vanessa. Her voice cracked but she didn't hesitate. "Jenn is gone. She killed herself last week." Jenn was one of my best friends in high school.

When Jenn died, there was no one with her. No one to talk her out of it. She planned her suicide the moment the rest of her family was on vacation. It took them a week to figure out that she was dead. By that time the smell of her corpse seeped into the rooms, forcing her family to move out. Time and time again it would run through my head. 'How could I have missed this?' If only I thought of a solution, I could've saved her.

I always remembered Jenn as someone that I wanted to be. She was one of the first creative souls I've ever encountered. She saw everything with beauty. She was bold, she never cared about what anyone said, and when she decided on something, there was nothing to change her mind. Not even death.

Since the time she passed, she has become to me a kind of spirit. When I imagine my creativity or determination, it has a physical form; and it almost always looks like her. She has transformed me into the creative leader I am today. She reminds me to be determined and never let anything compromise that determination. I have come to realize that even though I couldn't save her, she ended up saving me.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳