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Posts by smunozas23
Name: Sinai Munoz
Joined: Nov 1, 2015
Last Post: Dec 31, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

Displayed posts: 7
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smunozas23   
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / I hopped on the plane for the first time in my life. Common application supplement [2]

I hopped on thea plane for the first time in my life. I felt uncomfortable, anxious, and nervous.(This sentence might not be necessary) When I arrived, I suffered from culture shock. I was soon forced out of my childhood because my parents didn't speak English and I barely spoke English.( If you could be more conspicuous, how did this force you out of your childhood? and if so elaborate on the repercussions.)

I worked really hard on my English at home.(I think it will help you if you write about HOW you worked hard, for example you could write that you would practice and study English into the night in order to be able to communicate with others. Something more compelling like that,)Soon I was told that I didn't need to take any ESL classes because I placed really high on my English test. I was really overjoyed. You could also talk about your performance and any rewards you might have received in your current or past English courses.

I realized that I really want to help others just as much my peers helped me.You could write about how you've helped that new student and your volunteer work here instead, since in the former sentence you wrote "I really want to help others" and therefore it would show how you did that.

This phase of my life has taught me so much .(Replace with something like Compassion, empathy, (other values and skills)...etc.) I learned that life is very short, I used to believe that people shoulddiedepart from this world when they get old and have accomplished their dreams. I now perceived that there is no set date of death,( you may want to omit this as it doesn't add much substance to your text) I can die pass on at anytime and anywhere without havingaccomplishedrealized my aspirations.My loved ones were set to make their dreams come true such as leaving for college, buying a house, and starting a family, but sadly their dreams didn't come true.(My loved ones had planned to go to college, buy a house, and live happily with their families, but alas they were removed from this world before they were able to. )

My family went through the hardship of not knowing English. Thanks to my amazing community for helping and encouraging me with everything. Without their help, I wouldn't be who I am today. (The lack of the ability to speak English was a hardship for me and my family but thanks to my hospitable community we overcame this and I am who I am today.)
smunozas23   
Dec 30, 2015
Undergraduate / The connections I made between genetic letter codes and the alphabet - Yale Supplement. Why research [3]

The essay is written well and in a logical order. You have very good examples. I only found this slight error that does not stain its content: Shaw, we cannot "solve a problem without creating ten more."

the apostrophe should be placed right before "we". the words of Bernard Shaw, "we cannot solve a problem without creating ten more."

Nice essay and good luck.
smunozas23   
Dec 30, 2015
Graduate / Applying to Georgia Tech Masters in Quantitative and Computational Finance [3]

Hello I indeed find your first essay to have a good list of informative business facts of Nigeria. I'd like to offer my opinions on it.

I believe you could cut out some of the facts that you state ,because it might make your essay too technical and possibly dull to someone who is not interested in the field of business, such as: "There are less than 200 companies listed on the Nigerian Stock Exchange, as companies cite difficulty in navigating regulatory hurdles as the major reason for not listing and the Bond market continues to be dominated by Federal government bonds accounting for over 70% of the bonds outstanding." You can use this extra room to state your motivation and drive for the financial field.

I believe that you prove your point by only presenting one of these quick facts. I recommend you use only one of them. Like this one:Nigeria ranks 110th out of 189 countries on the World Bank's "Ease of Doing Business" report and 120th out of 140 countries on the "Global Competitiveness Index". But shorten it to something along the lines of: According to World Bank Nigeria ranks 110 out of 189 in countries in "Ease of Doing Business" and 120^th out of 140 countries in the "Global Competiveness"

Also,
"Deeply passionate about the Nigerian financial systems, I am eager to pursue a graduate degree in Quantitative finance to further its growth" What do you mean by Nigerian financial systems, what are they? Be a bit more specific if possible.

Answer the question of "Why are you passionate about the Nigerian Financial Systems?" Give an answer that persuades the reader that you sincerely care about the country's financial system maybe by implying that you want to see the country grow so its citizens can have a higher standard of living because of the poor living conditions a number of them live in and and cite examples of how the average Nigerian lives maybe. Instead of just stating humdrum facts about its economy you can use the fact that 60.9% of people in Nigeria live in absolute poverty. This can play to your advantage as it may pull the heartstrings of the reader and see that there is a noble reason for which you are pursuing this program. In short, make sure your passion and motivation are shown through your essay.

State how accomplishing your goals will be beneficial for the living conditions of Nigerian people.
'
You can also state relevant clubs and jobs that you've had and the impact they've had on you and your career.

I hope this is helpful. :)
smunozas23   
Dec 18, 2015
Scholarship / Balance and organization: two necessary precepts for me - SCHOLARSHIP ESSAY [3]

Please explain in 250 words or less why you believe that you should be awarded this scholarship:

My current essay:
I specifically want advice on how I can come off a bit more stronger in my ending and in the whole essay overall.

Balance and organization; two precepts that were not applied extensively to my room this college semester, nevertheless, both were crucial to my academic performance. I came into college enthusiastic and filled up my schedule with extramural activities, a job, and hobbies while at the same time fighting back courses that demanded many hours of my time. As time passed I became suffocated by the increase in time required by each responsibility until the time constraint finally became overwhelming. The moment I had become aware of my dilemma I instantly stopped working on assignments that I was rushing to complete and wrote down pending tasks in a list. As I looked at every item in the list I rose the question to myself; why am I here? Why had my mother who immigrated to this country and left her career behind decide to do so? After pondering over my situation it was obvious that I had to prioritize my academics before any other matter. I took every listed item and first organized coursework according to its due date and significance. I then used this as a guide as to when I would be available to work and lastly I planned tentatively for club meetings and events I could attend and times for when I could delve into music through my accordion. After applying balance and organization into my life I was able to focus on my academics, earn a 3.79 GPA, while having time to repose and enjoy the little things in life.
smunozas23   
Dec 18, 2015
Scholarship / Difficult problematic subjects - Gates Millennium Scholarship [7]

You have a couple mistakes in your text such as the following:

Confidence is a good and bad thing with academics. Try to refer from using the word "thing" in your essay unless you can't come up with a specific word for what you are trying to convey to the reader and it is absolutely necessary. use a phrase such as" confidence in my academic career has been both beneficial and disadvantageous.:" instead.

Be a more careful in the way you word your essay.

Have a stronger ending and specify how far you've gone since failing pre-calculus and find examples in where you can persuade the reader you turned your weakness ( mathematics) into one of your strengths.
smunozas23   
Dec 18, 2015
Scholarship / Why is your field of study important today? [3]

I suggest using this for the introductory sentence: "The Engineer is the fabricator of inventions for the benefit of human kind but is also the creator of history and the future."
smunozas23   
Nov 1, 2015
Research Papers / Wright Brothers research paper and valuable characteristics [3]

By learning about the life stories of entrepreneurs, successful researchers and people of great success, it is clear that there are certain attributes that individuals in those categories have in common. A few of these characteristics might include perseverance, persistence, hardworking and passion. But possessing these characteristics and being highly intelligent alone is not enough, one must also have opportunities presented in life with unique experiences along the way. Experiences which may at first be seen as an obstacle but later on prove that such misfortune was the core of what shaped that individual's character and success. One account of an accident that ended up being contributive to the shaping of the Wright's Brothers was when Wilbur Wright's front teeth were knocked out in a game of hockey prior to him finishing high school. An accident that led him to gain more insight on the field of aviation. I believe that being brought up in the right environment, possessing valuable characteristics, and having special opportunities presented in life help determine not only the success of an entrepreneur or researcher but also that of any other individual. In following paragraphs I will elaborate on the environment the Wright's Brothers were raised in; their character, unique opportunities they received and the ambition which came together to help them build the first flying machine used for air travel.

One factor that contributes to an individual's success is the environment they are raised in. In Malcolm Gladwell's Book Outliers he discusses the concerted cultivation parenting style. Parents who exercise this method of parenting are heavily involved in their child's academic and social life in attempt to keep their children in a rigorous schedule in order to foster their children's talents and skills. In Outliers it is also stated that parents utilizing this style of parenting are usually part of the middle and upper class. The Wright Brothers even though they grew up in a modest home without electricity or readily available running water, nonetheless were being raised in an environment similar to concerted cultivation. Their father Milton Wright who was a clergyman adored books encouraged his sons to intensively read about all subjects. Regardless of being raised in a humble home their father's collection of books was vast and of great value. Eager to learn more, everyone in the house became hooked on reading, and read at all times they had the opportunity to do so. Through reading the Wright brothers were able to acquire a tool that would prepare them for life, the powerful tool of knowledge.

Besides their father integrating the value of reading books into his children he also taught them values and good character. Although at the time they may have not noticed it, the Wright Brothers had a unique opportunity that not many others had. They had a father who cared for them and who was important in their development as human beings. While growing up their father had been elected bishop of their church, which then enabled him to travel more often. Traveling gave his father the opportunity to gain a great amount of knowledge on giving advice and lecturing his kids on their behavior, obstacles in life, good and bad habits, cleanliness and even on how to dress appropriately. Information that all falls under the category of practical intelligence. In the book Outliers is what made a huge difference in the success of Robert Oppenheimer and Chris Langan, who were both individuals with high IQ's but nonetheless both individuals who had a very different life story. An example of how practical intelligence can make a difference is how Robert Oppenheimer was able to get away with a slap on the wrist after attempting to poison his tutor. Meanwhile Chris Langan was unable to convince his adviser to change his class schedule which in turn led him to dropping out of college. So it is safe to say that social savvy is powerful wisdom that made a difference in the Wright brother's path to success. Practical Intelligence didn't' just affect the Wright Brother's research but it also helped them in presenting the outcomes of their experiments and the development of their machines to other people. "His vocabulary and use of language were of the highest order, due in large measure to standards long insisted upon by his father."(McCullough, Pg. 7) This quote refers to Wilbur Wright and how his father taught him and his brother the importance of communicating effectively. In the book The Wright Brothers by McCullough it is also stated that Wilbur Wright was the voice of both of the brothers in the literary part of the work they conducted. And the teachings of his father Wilbur's ability to get his point across by being fluent and effective in both his writings and whenever he spoke in public.

Opportunities in life will sometimes come in the form obstacles and setbacks that one will often face. But such difficulties will sometimes play out in a very serendipitous manner in the end. Similar to an incident that occurred in Wilbur Wright's late years of his high school education. In high school Wilbur had achieved high grades and was a star athlete of the school and as the end of his high school education approached Wilbur had plans of going on to study at Yale University. But those plans where cancelled when one day while playing hockey on a frozen lake he was struck in the mouth by a hockey stick and most of his front teeth were knocked out. Afterwards, Wilbur went under a lot of stress and became a loner and a recluse. Going into this phase of his life Wilbur began research and reading intensively by himself which led to his ambition in the field of aviation and furtherly developed his ability to be a deep and reflective thinker.

An entrepreneur or a successful researcher who has the drive to achieve should have innovativeness and initiative. Orville Wright displayed these characteristics during his junior year in high school when he dropped out to start his own printing business. Despite the fact that the Wright brother had minimal funds to start his own business he did so anyways and using his creativity he created his first press with the following materials: a discarded tombstone, a buggy spring and other scrap metal. A few months later Orville and his brother were able to move the business to a busier part of town. They were able to do that because of the long hours they had put into the improvement of their business and the performance of the printing press they had in use. They would become so busy that they would sometimes be limited to a small amount of time to write. But this wasn't the only business venture they were part of, in 1893 the brothers had noticed the sudden popularity of bicycles during the time and took advantage of the opportunity and opened up the "Wright Cycle Exchange", where they sold and repaired bicycles. All of these actions exercised by the Wright Brothers demonstrated the qualities that made them enterprising men in look for new ways to progress.

To this paper I attached a table containing characteristics that are of value to entrepreneurs and researchers all around. I included both characteristics that I believe are a part of my character and also characteristics that I think I should improve upon. I believe that by subjecting myself to situations that challenge me and put me in a role where I have to communicate with a wide range of people, I can improve my communication skills. Opportunities like this will also allow me to discover different perspectives and views that I was previously unaware of. I also believe that I can improve upon these characteristics by following the example of the wright brothers by reading and researching widely on a variety of interesting and meaningful subjects. And while doing so using critical thinking skills to write down questions and abstract thoughts that I may do further research on. Learning about various matters allows one to come up with a diverse range of ideas for solutions when faced a problem. I also consider characteristics such as passion, perseverance and intuition are important because it's what creates the drive needed to accomplish one's goals. After the Wight Brother's failed attempt in 1900 to fly their new invention they found a problem that restricted the machine from operating as it should. Would the Wright brothers have continued to experiment and work on the development of their flyer without these characteristics? Most likely not. The Wright brothers had an un-superficial ambition towards their goals. They accomplished their goals because they weren't doing it for materialistic things or money but rather because they had a passion for creating a flying machine.

The Wright Brothers throughout their life showed strong perseverance's by overcoming obstacles they faced just as an entrepreneurs does. Such as Louis Pasteur did when he overcame the stroke that left part of his body crippled. In spite of the obstacle he faced, he continued on to take on three of his major research projects that left an impact on the world. Or when the Wright brothers flying experiments did not come out as planned they kept enthusiasm and used their ingenuity to solve the problems they encountered in order to keep moving forward. Besides having these characteristics their curiosity and passion for aviation was encouraged in the environment they were brought up in by their father. In the end they were granted the opportunity to achieve their dreams through their hard work and enthusiasm they put into achieving their goals. Through their curiosity towards the world entrepreneurs find ways of filling gaps in order to improve our everyday life.
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