JamieB
Dec 5, 2015
Undergraduate / "Ok let's go!" - Yale essay: reflect on personal interests, experience [5]
Ok so I worked on it a bit and now I'm unsure on how to end it. I added the two endings. Any piece of advice or criticism is welcome. Thanks again!!!!!
We gathered around the starting line, hearts in our stomachs and anticipation in the air. We stood still, holding our breathes when the leader finally shouted.
"Ok let's go!"
And we were off, zooming down the lane, and hollering in laughter. Or should I say that they took off. I was lagging behind, shocked at how far they've gotten with one push.
It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was skating a lap around Prospect Park, all 526 acres, as part of an all girls skate event. I began skating only months before but this was the first time I was skating with other people. I knew that I was probably the newest skater but had that I'll be able to keep up with the crowd. However the difference in experience and practice became abundantly clear as I watched everyone disappeared in a matter of seconds. But rather than give up I toughed it out and skated, and was really glad I did because the journey was exhilarating.
Prospect Park is a well-known picnic spot for families but I never realized how huge and beautiful it was.I rode by beautiful wooden sculptures, wonderfully crafted stages and several volleyball matches. As I neared the place that I recognized from where I usually stayed when visiting Prospect, I realized how much I was missing from not branching out and going deep into the park before.
When I crossed the finish line an hour later, knee stinging from a fall, and hair dripping with sweat underneath my helmet, I was overjoyed. The other skaters were already chilling, passing around food, and chatting but I couldn't help but laugh and feel accomplished that I did it. Still giddy from the lap, I sat down, turned to my friend and exclaimed: "Let's do that again!"
From that trip I've learned to trust in my balance and myself. I have since gone back to Prospect to practice my pushing technique and even got some advice from experienced skaters. I've become a huge believer in perseverance and never giving up. Now I am an active member of the longboarding community and can now keep up with the other skaters during events. I even know a few tricks and am gradually getting better at sliding. Since my debut I ventured off and began exploring new places, visiting parks all over Manhattan and Queens. Longboarding has increased my confidence, made me happy, and led me into new, exotic places. I can definitely see myself doing it for as long as I live.
[Or with last two lines removed and this being the new paragraph}
Longboarding has increased my confidence, made me happy, and led me into new exotic places. Thus I hope to continue this in college and share this joy with other people. After a long week of classes, a couple of us could go skating and exploring the City of New Haven. We can teach each other tricks, bonding over our love for skating and our love for Yale.
Ok so I worked on it a bit and now I'm unsure on how to end it. I added the two endings. Any piece of advice or criticism is welcome. Thanks again!!!!!
We gathered around the starting line, hearts in our stomachs and anticipation in the air. We stood still, holding our breathes when the leader finally shouted.
"Ok let's go!"
And we were off, zooming down the lane, and hollering in laughter. Or should I say that they took off. I was lagging behind, shocked at how far they've gotten with one push.
It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was skating a lap around Prospect Park, all 526 acres, as part of an all girls skate event. I began skating only months before but this was the first time I was skating with other people. I knew that I was probably the newest skater but had that I'll be able to keep up with the crowd. However the difference in experience and practice became abundantly clear as I watched everyone disappeared in a matter of seconds. But rather than give up I toughed it out and skated, and was really glad I did because the journey was exhilarating.
Prospect Park is a well-known picnic spot for families but I never realized how huge and beautiful it was.I rode by beautiful wooden sculptures, wonderfully crafted stages and several volleyball matches. As I neared the place that I recognized from where I usually stayed when visiting Prospect, I realized how much I was missing from not branching out and going deep into the park before.
When I crossed the finish line an hour later, knee stinging from a fall, and hair dripping with sweat underneath my helmet, I was overjoyed. The other skaters were already chilling, passing around food, and chatting but I couldn't help but laugh and feel accomplished that I did it. Still giddy from the lap, I sat down, turned to my friend and exclaimed: "Let's do that again!"
From that trip I've learned to trust in my balance and myself. I have since gone back to Prospect to practice my pushing technique and even got some advice from experienced skaters. I've become a huge believer in perseverance and never giving up. Now I am an active member of the longboarding community and can now keep up with the other skaters during events. I even know a few tricks and am gradually getting better at sliding. Since my debut I ventured off and began exploring new places, visiting parks all over Manhattan and Queens. Longboarding has increased my confidence, made me happy, and led me into new, exotic places. I can definitely see myself doing it for as long as I live.
[Or with last two lines removed and this being the new paragraph}
Longboarding has increased my confidence, made me happy, and led me into new exotic places. Thus I hope to continue this in college and share this joy with other people. After a long week of classes, a couple of us could go skating and exploring the City of New Haven. We can teach each other tricks, bonding over our love for skating and our love for Yale.
