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Posts by fidelispermana
Name: Fidelis Permana Sari
Joined: Nov 22, 2015
Last Post: Nov 23, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 2  
From: Indonesia
School: Sanata Dharma University

Displayed posts: 5
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fidelispermana   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / PIE CHART: SOME EMPLOYMENT PATTERNS IN GREAT BRITAIN IN 1992 [NEW]

The pie charts compare the proportion of six selected employment patterns both man and woman in Great Britain in 1992. Overall, the highest employment pattern was seen on the proportion of managerial and professional for both man and woman's figure.

Managerial and professional field tended to be popular in both gender. It reached almost less than a third for woman's cohort and more than a third for man's figure. Clerical or related and other non-manual employment were less popular among male employees. It was proved by only at 6% for both brackets. By contrast, woman's figure showed different trend. Woman's figure saw 5 times higher than man's figure for clerical or related employment, while it was standing at 9% for other non-manual field.

In contrast, general labourers shared the lowest proportion of all employment patterns. It was only 1% and 2% for female and male's figures. Woman employees worked in other manual field standing at 27% followed by man's cohort at 26%, respectively. However, a very small number of woman worked in craft or similar field, while man's figure experienced 8 times higher than woman's figure.



  • The Pie Charts
fidelispermana   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Online Sales for Retail Sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010 [4]

The pie charts compare the proportion of certain selected goods sale online for retail sector in Canada in 2005 and 2010. overall, it can be seen that the greatest change was in the proportion of online sales on food and beverage.

By 2005, food and beverage online sales had reached more than a fifth of all the online sales while it rose dramatically to 32% in 2010. At 35%, electronics and appliance online sales was the highest online sales, but this fell slightly to less than a third ten years later.

By contrast, a minority of the online sales in 2005 was video game's sales. It stood at only 18% while it experienced a significant increase up to more than a fifth of all online sales in 2010. On the other hand, the sales of home furnishings had reached to a quarter of the online sales, but it dropped dramatically at less than a fifth.



  • The pie charts
fidelispermana   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Humankind can work from everywhere without coming to the workplace. Task 2 [3]

hai irfan727,

It's good that you made little grammar mistakes, but I think you need to develop your idea toward the topic. Sometimes, the idea is out of topic. However just keep writing..

... regarding the insight (what kind of insight? why suddenly 'educational children'?) .

One of the main merits which affected by information technology is ...
(The idea is good but the sentences sound like you are writing in Bahasa)

... by using the technology like the internet. With this, they can find the notion by clicking ...

Furthermore, people who sit for many hours for accessing the computer will have a particular disease like diabetes (are you sure about this?) .

(to be honest I cannot see the relevance of the idea of this paragraph with the topic)
fidelispermana   
Nov 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / Do you think that gay couples should be allowed to form a legal union? [2]

I like your idea on writing this essay. You can develop the idea well. However, there are some small mistakes regarding to the use of singular and plural noun. But that's okay keep the spirit on writing.

Someone are IS supportive
there are some disagree opinionS with ABOUT it
fidelispermana   
Nov 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / Task 1:The graph below shows the changes in maximum number of Asian elephants between 1994 and 2007. [2]

A breakdown of the proportion of maximum inhabitant of Asian elephants in nine selected countries from 1994 to 2007, a 13-year period is revealed in a bar chart. Overall, the percentage of the population experienced a downward trend during the mention period except for Cambodia's figure. In any case, India's elephants population was the largest elephants' population in all coutries mentioned.

By 1997, the population of elephants in Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and China had reached about 1000 inhabitants. However, Elephants tended to live mostly in Malaysia, Srilanka, and Thailand which stood at more than 3000 elephants. By contrast, India saw the highest proportion of elephants population with almost 10000 inhabitants.

On the other hand, Cambodia's figure showed a slightly increase to 1500 population in 2004. However, Vietnam, Malaysia, China and Thailand's cohorts dropped sharply to approximately under 1200 population while Laos' bracket remained the same as 1997's figure. Meanwhile, the number of elephants in India plunged to 7500 and only 4800 in Myanmar.
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