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Posts by Jonyface
Name: Jon
Joined: Nov 22, 2015
Last Post: Dec 7, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
Likes: 1
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 7
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Jonyface   
Dec 7, 2015
Essays / Hardships among women in Afghanistan and other places. Help with conclusion. [3]

As of today, many women in Afghanistan and other places in the world still endure similar hardships the protagonists Laila and Mariam experienced. Laila was neglected by her mother; Mariam her father, women's rights were stripped away by political leaders, and Laila and Mariam are objectified through the connection of marriage to Rasheed. Parental neglect, lack of rights, objectification and forced marriages are all issues related to gender equality that is cleverly portrayed in A Thousand Splendid Suns through the lives of Laila and Mariam. Both characters were successful in demonstrating strength and resiliency towards male dominance. However, not every oppressed woman has the courage and intellect to stand up to her oppressor. It takes the combined effort of the free and oppressed to hopefully one day achieve true gender equality.

- Does the bolded sentannce have proper structure?
- Does the last few sentances sound like an ending to an essay?
Jonyface   
Dec 7, 2015
Undergraduate / Overcoming personal difficulties; event that transformed me to adulthood [4]

- After losing both my parents at a tender age of nine
- and without a blanket, the cold rain and damp grounds can make a night seem excruciatingly long
- My experience on the street has made me more focused, experienced, multi-tasking and practical in my approach to life. Multitasking isn't an adjective, maybe chose another word.

Your story was very touching, good luck.
Jonyface   
Dec 3, 2015
Essays / The feminist literary criticism - need help with my introduction. [3]

What I want to do
1. State history of feminism
2. Explain how feminism does not only involve females
3. State how the novel relates to feminism/gender equality for both sexes

My Problem
- My introduction doesn't flow nicely.
- Need a better thesis than "This essay will analyze the novel using the feminist literary criticism"

In a male dominated world, females experience social, economic, and political disadvantages that limit their full potential. Throughout history, Females have always been striving for equality with Males. However, it was not until the late 1800s that the word "Feminism" appeared and really initiated the movement of gender equality. The word that is supposed to represent gender equality derives from the word feminine, ironic is it not? Gender equality includes both male and female. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini takes place in Afghanistan, a country devastated by civil war and shifts in leadership. In addition, the culture supports male dominance. This essay will analyze the novel using the feminist literary criticism.
Jonyface   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / Major cities are good for spending vacations or for money but to live I prefer a small town. [2]

- I have visited US, the New York city one of the major big cities ----- I visited New York in US, one of their busiest major cities.

- But seeing the helpless people on streets and roads with piles of garbage spreading smell all over is not the place to live in my eyes. ---- But encountering the homeless people living next to piles of garbage dissuades my decision to live there.

- This is your personal opinion. Do not use "one", instead "I".
- If this is an essay, you might want to make your concluding paragraph longer.
Jonyface   
Nov 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / Parents and Young Children Profession [2]

- The teenager should have control over their future profession, parental intervention is unnecessary...This essay will discuss the advantages young people get who choose their occupation themselves and the disadvantages of those who have their parents intervene.

- "he followed his talent" he followed his passion or he used his talents
- "here are many disadvantages if parents if parents determine the profession for their teenager". Duplicate "if parents"
-"Finally, the amount of worker who stress will increase". Workers

After reading the first 2 lines I noticed there are grammar mistakes in almost every sentence.
Jonyface   
Nov 27, 2015
Book Reports / Development of Identity in the book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian [4]

Essay Topic: A reflective essay on the theme of Development of Identity in the book The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

I know its long, so thanks to whoever took the time to read it. Also I am stuck on my concluding paragraph, any help is appreciated.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman is a fictional novel that was both insightful and amusing. The main character, Arnold Spirit Jr, is an Indian boy suffering from the after effects of Hydrocephalus. He lives on a poverty stricken Indian reserve, home to drunks, addicts and abusers. Due to his medical conditions he suffers from multiple physical deformities that make him a prime target for harassment. However, those are the least of his problems. When he leaves the reservation and transfers to Reardan in search of hope, he is faced with an identity crisis. Is he Arnold the only Indian attending

Reardan, or Junior the traitor who abandoned his tribe? The theme of development of one's identity is evident in this book and in reality.

On the first day of school at Reardan, Junior introduces himself as "Junior" to a beautiful white girl named Penelope. However, when the teacher takes attendance he is called by the name "Arnold Spirit". Penelope was a little annoyed that Junior lied and asked him to explain himself, which he did: "My name is Junior," I said. "And my name is Arnold. It's Junior and Arnold. I'm both." I felt like two different people inside of one body. No, I felt like a magician slicing myself in half, with Junior living on the north side of the Spokane River and Arnold living on the south. (Alexie 60).This passage marks the beginning of Junior's struggle with identity. He states that he feels like two different people living in one body. He compares his situation using a smile; splitting himself in half like a magician. He is Junior back at the reservation and Arnold when he attends school at Reardan. Clearly, it can be seen that Junior is bewildered by this newly risen conflict. From personal experience, I too can relate to Junior's situation. I grew up around a lot of white kids; the majority of my friends were white. When I was told I was white-washed by a white friend, I took pride in it. Another time, an Asian friend said the same, but this time I took offense. I too was confused, I wondered why I took offense when an Asian friend said the same. That marked the beginning of my own personal development with identity. Clearly, the beginning of development of one's identity can be puzzling at first.

A few weeks later, Junior meets Gordy, a boy genius. Like Junior, he is intelligent, and we later find out that he is also a social outcast from his community. With these similarities, they naturally became friends. When Junior explained how his tribe had labelled him a traitor, he expressed his situation using his intelligence and personal experience as an outcast:

"Well, life is a constant struggle between being an individual and being a member of the community." (Alexie 132)
Gordy explains that everyone is struggling to balance being their true selves and being someone who is accepted by their respective communities. Junior gains a little more insight on his struggle and that he is not alone. Unlike everyone else on the reservation, Junior possesses hope. He not only dreams for a better life for himself, but he takes action to achieve it. By choosing to sacrifice acceptance from his community for his dreams, he is made an outcast in Wellpint but a respected student at Reardan. Personally, I was faced with a similar problem. In middle school, Asians were beginning to embrace their own culture. Having friends in both the white and Asian cliques/communities, I felt lost. Being confused, my solution was to create a balance between the two to allow for acceptance from both. This goes to show, how influential community acceptance is in one's development of identity. For both Junior and I, this was a stage of development where we need to adapt using our resiliency to our own respective situations.

Nearing the end of the book, Junior has been through a plethora of experiences. He befriended and gained the respect of many white kids at Reardan; he discovered that white people are not as perfect as he had believed; he realized his basketball potential; he mourned the loss of his sister, his uncle Eugene, and his grandmother. Through his experiences he came to the conclusion of:

"I was a Spokane Indian. I belonged to that tribe. But I also belonged to the tribe of American immigrants. And to the tribe of basketball players. And to the tribe of bookworms. And to the tribe of cartoonists. And to the tribe of chronic masturbators. And the tribe of teenage boys. And the tribe of small-town kids. And the tribe of Pacific Northwesterners. And the tribe of tortilla chips-and-salsa lovers. And the tribe of poverty. And the tribe of funeral goers. And the tribe of beloved sons. And the tribe of boys who really missed their best friends." (Alexie 217)

In the excerpt above, Junior explains how his ethnicity and race does not define his true self. It is not as simple as being half white or half Indian. He is not only an Indian but a great basketball player, a creative artist, a hard-working bookworm and most importantly a regular teenage boy. Evidently, his identity is developed through his interests, interactions, and experiences; factors that have no link with race and ethnicity. From my own personal experiences and observations, I too have come to my own conclusion that race does not determine identity. People from every race can be kind, funny, religious, athletic, artistic, successful, and intelligent. As my life goes on and my identity continues to develop, I try my best to be myself and avoid judging people upon appearance.

With the stages explained, it is clear the theme of development of identity is present in both the novel The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian and in reality. Junior and I found the beginning of identity development confusing; used our resiliencies to adapt; and came to our own individual conclusions on identity. With the end of the book, comes the end of Junior's identity development. However, for me it will be ongoing...
Jonyface   
Nov 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / Information technology overhauled people's life - wasting time and damaging people's health [3]

Sorry, I am new to these forums. Do you want this essay to be edited?

If so, this is what I thought.

The question asks you to identify how the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages. However, your essay explains the opposite.

Here is the rest of what I wanted to say
- 16.34 Mb/s today is very slow, you might want to update that stat.
-"Clearly, even thoughsince every person works onin front a screen, they willare required to sit on thea chair for long termperiods of time.which affectThis can lead to their back healthy.health issues, such as back pain. "
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