roseochoa
Dec 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to many, women are much better in taking care of children, than men [2]
@krempetkov
I do not see any flaws in your ideas, I'd suggest adding your position to your first paragraph just like you did on your last paragraph. I do see idiomatic and grammar mistakes.
If your noun is plural, you don't need the word "the" before it.
Commas have specific rules which you're not following at all so it all pauses in the wrong places. Look up the basic comma rules and check your essay. Some of them are:
1. DON'T use commas in between independent clauses.
2. Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction (for, and, but, yet, so)
3. Use a comma between a dependent and an independent sentence if the dependent one comes first.
4. use it to separate items in a list
5. DON'T use it before or after prepositions
You have a few spelling mistakes as well- presense- presence.
These are a few observations. Check your writing and evaluate these comments.
Keep practicing, there's no shortcut!
@krempetkov
I do not see any flaws in your ideas, I'd suggest adding your position to your first paragraph just like you did on your last paragraph. I do see idiomatic and grammar mistakes.
If your noun is plural, you don't need the word "the" before it.
Commas have specific rules which you're not following at all so it all pauses in the wrong places. Look up the basic comma rules and check your essay. Some of them are:
1. DON'T use commas in between independent clauses.
2. Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction (for, and, but, yet, so)
3. Use a comma between a dependent and an independent sentence if the dependent one comes first.
4. use it to separate items in a list
5. DON'T use it before or after prepositions
You have a few spelling mistakes as well- presense- presence.
These are a few observations. Check your writing and evaluate these comments.
Keep practicing, there's no shortcut!