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Posts by megan998555
Name: Megan Ezeude
Joined: Dec 27, 2015
Last Post: Dec 29, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: United States of America
School: Clear Brook High School

Displayed posts: 7
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megan998555   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / If there was a ticket in your hand, where would you go?--Brandeis short answer :D [4]

The prompt is in bold: There is a ticket in your hand. Where are you going?
Sorry about the verb tenses, here's an edit: "I review the game plan."
"The ticket I hold is one of the.."
"I hurriedly approach the flight announcer. She checks my identification, swipes my boarding pass, and gives the nod of approval."
Thanks :D
megan998555   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Honesty is what matters to me the most. Stanford University supplementary essay [3]

In my opinion, the response that best answers the question is the second on with honesty. The first response sounds a little too much like a resume or apart of your application that colleges might have already learned about you. However, in order to improve the second response, I would provide an example/anecdote of when you showcased honesty and tie that in to how important that is to you. Overall, great essay :D and good luck!
megan998555   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / COMMON APP: Essay on my background and education in India. Do give some suggestions [3]

This, according to me , is outrageous and I am completely against this type of learning.

"Whatever I am, whatever I want to be in the future has been shaped thanks to the freedom and courage given to me by Mirambika."

I think you should rephrase this to make it less repetitive with the "whatever"

Overall, your essay is well-written, but I think you should hold off on the background a little bit and develop more of how that background has influenced you today and how you will carry that into your academic, social, etc. career. Focus on showcasing your personality because that is what colleges what to see when reading your essay.
megan998555   
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / If there was a ticket in your hand, where would you go?--Brandeis short answer :D [4]

Prompt: There is a ticket in your hand. Where are you going?
Word limit: 250 Word count: 250
I really appreciate ANY critique. Feel free to edit. Thank you! :D

"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 67B to Geneva. We now invite those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes. Thank you."

Anxiously awaiting my flight number to be called, I reviewed the game plan. The ticket I held was one of the nine economy class plane tickets that was once a first class ticket. With this ticket, I will travel to and examine the headquarters of the World Health Organization. During my stay, I will gain support and education from the head of the agency, meet world leaders, and discuss actions that must be taken in order for my next trip to be the most effective. Then, I will travel to 7 of the most developing countries and establish an organization that is based on educating the public on the most prevalent issues in their nation. With 7 tickets left, I will give away a ticket to each individual that is believed to make changes in their community in order for them to travel and gain a broader view of issues at hand.

"We are now boarding seats 51C-55C. Will passengers with those seats only please come forward? Thank you."
I hurriedly approached the flight announcer. She checked my identification, swiped my boarding pass, and gave the nod of approval. I am now on my way to change the world.
megan998555   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / This is optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude - William and Mary essay [2]

Great essay and perfect for the prompt provided. I believe you answered every part. There are only a few things: 1) Including a quote from a famous individual is a little risky because colleges do not want to see an essay that you write for your English teacher. Then again, the way you but it was simple, but I also think that you could develop it even more if you are going to quote someone as part of your essay. And 2) I don't suggest that you end with a rhetorical-like question, especially since they are the ones asking the question. I suggest you do a spin around type of conclusion in which you sort of refer back to the situation you described in the beginning in a clever way. Maybe, using similar adjectives or scenarios. Overall, I really like this essay and it seems like the type of essay the college wants and enjoys to read. Good Luck!
megan998555   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Battling the stigma and stereotype attached to short heights - identity, background, interest essay. [3]

Overall, the essay is very well-written. I'm assuming this essay is answering one of the common app prompts. I like the metaphor of you as the seed growing into a tree. Although I admire how you conveyed your message so concisely, the areas were you are discussing your accomplishments as how it ties into you growing self-confidence could be more developed. Like, discussing how even in your failures/obstacles involving your height during your senior years, you still persevered (just to add a little depth and realism to the essay). Or going more in depth with how the actors looked upon you as being that role in the play. Also, I suggest tying in your own personal feeling/internal perseverance instead of just focusing on your accomplishments. Remember, colleges have a list of your accomplishments as part of your resume for your application. You don't want to repeat what they already read about you.
megan998555   
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Arch-nemesis essay: Stage Fright. Undergrad UChicago Supplement [2]

Thank you so so so much for clicking on this thread and choosing to critique this essay. Please excuse the upper and lower case letters grammatically because they are apart of the essay. Other than that, feel free to edit, critique, etc. I greatly appreciate it. Thanks :D.

"A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies." -Oscar Wilde.
Othello and Iago. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. Autobots and Decepticons. History and art are full of heroes and their enemies. Tell us about the relationship between you and your arch-nemesis (either real or imagined).


-Inspired by Martin Krzywy, admitted student Class of 2016.

"YOUNG CHANG". I could see my reflection in the golden lettering of the grand piano. The glistening wood captured my shaking fingers. Silence was the tune between intercessions, and I was about to strike a chord. The conductor set the tempo and on beat 4, I began to play, with racing heart keeping me in rhythm. Once the piece was over, I let out a sigh of relief, dwelled upon my mistakes, relaxed my hands, loosened my shoulders, and prepared myself for my next interruption.

This is one of the many battles fought between me and my enemy.
I am Victor Frankenstein and Stage Fright is the Monster I created. The hammers that strike the strings to make a sound are the instruments of life that awaken the Monster.

They said that as time passes, it will go away. I've played for nine years, 4 months, 28 days, and a few hours. Still counting. And yet, It hasn't gone away. My arch-nemesis arrived on the eve of my brain's recognition of judgement. Two judges, with a stack of solo music beside them, pens ready, look straight ahead, no eye contact, ready to critique every note, dynamic, tempo, and position. Stage Fright is a teacher that guides me through the performance and the virus that hosts my DNA. It pesters me to let It in. While in control, It tells me when to start; when to speed up or slow down; when to breathe and when to hold it in. It encourages me to keep thinking and let technicalities stagger my performance. It tells me to not make a mistake and shames me when I do so. It makes Its ceaselessly, dissipating exit as the piece concludes. Immediate applause from the audience disturbs Its presence, as if outwardly approval weakens Its purpose. But the silence of the judges reinforces it demeanor.

Sometimes, I recall those moments. Those moments when in the one of the happiest state, the memory of that one performance emerges, the Monster invades the mind, incessantly spreads its toxic gas, and disillusions my consciousness. Sometimes I wonder, if perhaps, It is me. Perhaps, I am both Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Perhaps, I am my own arch-nemesis; my own foil; my own contradiction. But then, with time, I soon came to realize, that in fact, It is me. Stage Fright is a product of my body's automatic system releasing hormones, reacting when presented with a stimulus, and preparing me for the challenge. It is simply the sign that I embody a human being. It is an attribute favorable among the survivors to conquer the unconquerable and overcome any obstacle.

But, looking back, I cannot say that the Monster has been eradicated. That in one heroic moment, I struck It with a mighty sword and It came tumbling down, begging for mercy as death gave its greeting. There will always be a constant war between me and my monster. But I have chosen not to work against It, but to work with it. I have manipulated my mind into viewing Stage Fright as not the enemy, but as my ally. Nowadays, every time I perform, whether in front of a congregation or set of judges, I remind myself to let the muscle memory of my best practices take control; to play as if no one is watching. I allow the bones of my fingers to loosen as I grace the piano keys. I greet my monster when it arrives at the strike of the strings and conduct it according to my tempo.

I am the master of my fate. stage fright is now simply my accompaniment.
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