Posts by Rizkymarchanary

Rizkymarchanary

Feb 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1: Eating sweet foods produces acid in the mouth, which can cause tooth decay [3]

hy chain
I'm trying to give you some advice on your writing.

the whole of your writing especially on your body lack of comparison among the data. I think you should give the information which the dangerous one after 5 minutes. it makes more clearly to the reader about the data and you can connect to the result after that. For instance, among the data given the line chart above that sugar cane is the most deleterious teeth after 5 minutes due to the ph is a fall dramatically from 7 to 3.5.

for the conclusion, the data show all of the varieties are ruin the teeth after 5 minutes and sugar cane become the longest spoil among fruit sugar and honey and you can add your own sentences

Rizkymarchanary

Feb 24, 2016

Writing Feedback / To be competitive and succesful in the long run you need take a risk - TOEFL [5]

hy crystal,
I'm trying to give my correction even my opinion about your essay

actually, your essay is excellent, it is so hard to find error grammar or wrong vocabulary on your essay. Yet, for arranging your statements or ideas I think it has become more perfect if you get in some impact to society will occur or have been happening and that impact includes disadvantage and advantage that make ease to reader to compare which one the good sides with the fact has been occured

Rizkymarchanary

Feb 23, 2016

Writing Feedback / Is having a healthy lifestyle difficult these days? [4]

Hy Putri,

your essay is perfect with a lot of issues and fact

I'm simply trying to give comment
I hope so it will be useful for your essay

I think if you want to give an example, better than you avoid some brand even that make your instance clearly. Probably you can use kinds of that food, for example junk food such as with ingredient's chemical, high calories, high fat. that sentence will be helpful to add more words and become interesting. And I change fast food to be junk food because I think fast food not always connected with bad food. such as catering, and something like that.

Rizkymarchanary

Feb 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / Teenagers should obtain more life skills which will be useful in the real world - IELTS [2]

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As a part of society, teenagers-students should be involved in unpaid community service as a compulsory part of program in their school. Several colleges have been adopted for adding experience and humanity sense. Honestly, it is become valuable if student work in community service.

Generally, most of schools offer many lectures to increase their skill which connecting in many job field or university majority. Yet, seldom of schools are serving to improve students life skill. Both of lectures skill and life skill are important but forming teenagers personality not as easy as estimated and must be applied as early stage. Teenager students should be introduced with give them opportunities how to communicate with each other in the work or solve some issues together. However, secondary-education student must be understand about responsibility when their be a part of group to finishing some job. For instance, teachers could sending their students probably for a couple months to help citizen which hit disaster. The institution of rescue in that area will be feel helpful and with team work to help each other and raising their social value.

In another hand, crime and another violence usually be occurred by them who using leisure time without unpaid community service. In fact, they fight with other school because lack of value life and how to respect with each other.

In congclusion, teenager behavior is unstable, they require to get more life skill which will useful in the real world when they are become adult people