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To be competitive and succesful in the long run you need take a risk - TOEFL


Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Feb 23, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well.

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Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented development of economy, due to the great advancement of the Internet. A large number of people become rich and successful owing to online economy. It is convenient to get access to their customers in the market no matter how far they live away from the company. So I claim that if successful people want to maintain their advantages and positions in the competitive market, they should try something fresh rather than only doing what they know well.

Let us imagine what will happen if knowleagable people just stay in their successful zones. Thanks to sophisticated technology, information spreads quickly in the Internet world. However, it has some adverse effects to companies themselves. For example, there have been several lawsuits in the past few years between Sumsung and Apple. It is not hard to figure out the reason, which is that high-qualified technology is helpful to attract consumers and is easily copied between companies, not to mention other firms in the market. When innovation is no longer innovation, when it is copied by other corporations, it loses its distinctiveness and can only survive by lowering its price, which is harmful for the product.

On the contrary, if the businessman try to enter new areas in the market, what will happen following this improvement? With the development of society, people's demands are always changing. They need faster, stronger, higher-qualified products to make their lives more comfortable and convenient. Being the first one in the market will be of great assistance in occupying the market. The more new things successful individuals try, the more benefits they get. In other words, it is a great way to beat their opponents and facilitate their consumers leave old areas, because their competitors do not have creative items.

In conclusion, I believe that people doing things which they have known well cannot always succeed , because what they maintain now does not represent the great potential in the future. Only do they discover fresh items, can they be competitive in the long run.

Rizkymarchanary 1 / 3 1  
Feb 24, 2016   #2
hy crystal,
I'm trying to give my correction even my opinion about your essay

actually, your essay is excellent, it is so hard to find error grammar or wrong vocabulary on your essay. Yet, for arranging your statements or ideas I think it has become more perfect if you get in some impact to society will occur or have been happening and that impact includes disadvantage and advantage that make ease to reader to compare which one the good sides with the fact has been occured
Linda91 30 / 40 3  
Feb 24, 2016   #3
..... Within the last few decades, there has been an unprecedented development of economy, <--without comma ) due to the great ...

..... It is convenient to getaccessing to their customers in the market ...

...which is that high-qualified technology is helpful to attract consumers and is easily copied between companies---> they are high-qualified technologies that help to attract consumers ....
OP Crystal812 23 / 55 11  
Feb 24, 2016   #4
Hi, Linda,

I don't know if it is a habit, however, I have never seen a phrase like "it is convenient doing sth.". Usually, we say "it is convenient (for sb.)to do sth.". I go to google+ and the possibility of "convenient doing" is slim. I recommend that you should make sure whether it is correct or not.

Thank you all the same!
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Feb 26, 2016   #5
Hi Menglu, you pinpointed the actual mistake in my essay, I really appreciate that, it is quite useful for me. So lets work on your essay, you are a good writer but I can see that you did not clearly expressed your opinion in the essay. Consider the first paragraph, it is written good but when I read the prompt, I could not see the answer in it. You are ,mainly discussing about technology not about risks and new things. Technology is a good example but have you started your essay something like this:

Had the inventor of Internet/technology be scared of risks, he would not have been successful today. I hope you are able to make out the difference here. Do talk about innovations and development , but you need to tell the new idea and risk behind that development. Your second last paragraph goes well here but need to rephrase the first two paragraphs. Give an example who did not tried something new and lacks a successful career. You can also add your personal experiences here


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