Posts by wahyu

wahyu

Sep 6, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS practice for task 1 about maps of Meadowside village and Foton [5]

Good afternoon bro, your essay is essay to understand, may i give you same suggestions :

The maps illustrate changes which happened in ...

The maps show same changes in the two locations between Meadowside village and Fotton from 1962 to nowadays.

It could be seen that in the first period, the places were s...

Overall, it can be seen that at the first map those locations did not have street to connect, while in these days both of areas not only have way but also some new building which are built in the middle of those points, hence those look one area.

wahyu

Sep 6, 2016

Writing Feedback / New hotel, station, and business park has built in the area of Meadowside and Fonton [3]

Hay fitria, your understanding tenses is good, may i give you may suggestion in some parts of your essay

The map presents the difference

i think that are more than one change : the differences

The noticeable development is two villages ...

The noticeable development is two villages which separate in 1962 and now those become a unit.

In 1962, two villages were separated ...

In 1962, two villages were separated by a distance and those were two different areas without connecting way.

I hope that my suggestions help.

wahyu

Sep 6, 2016

Writing Feedback / Several leisure activities among children - IELTS Task 1 [3]

The bar chart depicts a breakdown of percentage of boys and girls who have age between 5 and 14 in several leisure activities. Overall, it can be seen that boys dominate in some hobbies and both of them have the same interesting in watching TV and Video.

According to the bar chart, there are three activities where the percentage of boys out number that of girls while the former in the electronic or computer games is higher than the latter. The pattern also happens in the skateboarding or rollerblading and bike riding. The watching TV or video accounted for the majority at 100 for both of girls and boys.

On the other hand, the participation of girls is much more than that of boys in the art and craft. That gap is the same as the gap in electronic or computer games at 20. In short, sedentary activities are more favorite than other activities which have to use much more energy when they play its.

wahyu

Sep 6, 2016

Writing Feedback / In the midst of globalization, electronic devices are irreplaceable, although they still may harm us [2]

Good night Hailun, your essay need more letters because you only read 238 words

In the midst of globalization, high electronic device is [...] and I would explain both views.

in this well-developed technologies era, sophisticated electronic devices are undeniable to be owned by every person. Those goods can give some impacts to the relationship of people in their daily activities. .... you have to chose agree or disagree with that statement or in the middle of that statement.

paragraph 2 body 1 : agree
paragraph 3 body 2 : disagree

Paraphrase the introduction statement you may not make another choice which different from the introduction paragraph

I suggest you to use good structure helping your writing to get high band.