Posts by KiraArus [Suspended]

KiraArus

Sep 23, 2016

Undergraduate / Tell us an experience in school or out that taught you something about yourself or the world around [4]

Hi @rofiat, I had the situation like you. In the first day of first semester at university I was debated to be the monitor of my class. At that time I extremely worried about that as I had never been involved in a situation like this before. However, after 3 years later, I realised that the position taught me lots of skills such as confidence, management, problem-resolving among members and so on, and of course as a leader I have more friends than others in my class.

KiraArus

Jun 3, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) Estimated percentage of car trips by purpose and gender of drivers, 2005 [6]

Hi @Irvinhi, I would like to give some suggestions:
- Firstly, I think it's better if you combine two sentences to one:

...the highest proportion compared with others. While visiting town hit the low.
to

...the highest proportion compared with others while the visiting town hit the lowest

Secondly, for the following sentences, you are missing verbs.
while the women side just less than 5 percent. It seems women rarely visiting town,

Hope it help!

KiraArus

Apr 25, 2016

Writing Feedback / Generating electricity from sea waves. IELTS Writing task 1- The process chart [6]

Hi all, thanks for your suggesting and correction. It's really helpful.

KiraArus

Apr 24, 2016

Writing Feedback / Generating electricity from sea waves. IELTS Writing task 1- The process chart [6]

The diagrams show a structure that is used to generate electricity from wave power.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.
Generating electricity from sea waves

The charts provided depict how power is generated by ocean wave motion. Generally, there are two main stages of a wave; the rise and the fall, that invoke system trigger electrical device works. The system is built to receive energy from wave movement including cliff or sea wall which is used to keep entire system stands on solid foundations because of wave impact, a large chamber and two vertical columns are combined in order to catch wave and control air flow. And the final component is a turbine attached inside the columns which handle generating power.

Regarding the first chart, when a wave approaches into the chamber, then the atmosphere in the chamber is immediately oppressed and pushed to outside through two columns. Following this, the air concurrently hits to the turbine and make it spins. As a result, the electric device is activated and goes to operating.

Turning to the second chart, when a wave retreats, the air from outside is sucked back to the columns, it reduces the turbine remain rotating and the electricity continues to be generated. The turbine rotates in only one direction regardless the change of air stream. (192 words)

KiraArus

Apr 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / There are 17 main stages invoked in the frozen fish pies manufacturing process; IELTS [7]

Thanks @Maya29, But, about the sentence "To remove skin and bones to garbage disposal, the salmons isthen entered to a steam oven". I think the salmons cannot enter to steam oven by its own way. It must be entered by the roller as you can see from the diagram. Therefore, I would prefer using passive voice in the sentence.

KiraArus

Apr 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The chart shows the changes that took place in three different areas [7]

Hi @ainirere, here is my correction.

The shade of crime rates ~~in three areas~~with various different places in Newport city center; robbery, burglary and car theft, between ~~the year~~ 2003 and 2012 which is illustrated in the line graph. It is noticeable that the robbery~~burglary~~ and the car theft ~~have predominated throughout the year~~remained stable during the period; despite a bit of fluctuation while ~~the robbery is the least crime~~there was a significant decrease in the burglary.

As observed from the chart, it is ~~shown~~ clearly that the incidents number of the burglary reached a peak~~peaked~~ in 2004, at nearly four thousands crimes by 2003 . Hereafter the figure ~~was upward and dipped at about 1,200 significantly~~substantially fell and ended at approximately 1000 incidents in 2000 before ~~it begun~~a slightly increase and steadiness until 2012. ~~In compared to~~In terms ofthe number of incidents in the robbery, the ~~feature~~ figure ~~revealed always plateau over the year~~mildly fluctuated (2003-2012) ~~in which was~~ , from around 500 to nearly 1,000 crimes.

KiraArus

Apr 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / There are 17 main stages invoked in the frozen fish pies manufacturing process; IELTS [7]

Thank so much @abstracism, I was taught that for kind of process diagrams like this, I should use passive voices better mainly because we are describing about the process of something is made, but making something.

BTW, I appreciate your comment.

KiraArus

Apr 22, 2016

Writing Feedback / There are 17 main stages invoked in the frozen fish pies manufacturing process; IELTS [7]

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The chart given describes the process of producing frozen fish pies. It is evident that there are 17 main stages invoked. Beginning with the delivery of potatoes and salmon, and ending with either store or dispatch the product of frozen fish pies.

First of all, potatoes are delivered and they are then put into a storage with expired date time usage is up to one month. At the second stage, the potatoes are brought out of the store in order to be cleaned, peeled and thrown away potatoes' skin into waste disposal before being sliced. Next, the potato is boiled in a pan until it is ready to eat. Following this, the potato is stored after it was chilled.

In the subsequent stage, lemon juice and salt are poured to the fresh salmon which was transported to the factory and maintained in 12 hours or less in the previous stage. To remove skin and bones to garbage disposal, the salmon is entered to a steam oven. At this point, the salmon is inspected to get rid of spoiled ones. In the next step, the potato which is processed before, prepared peas and prepared sauce are mixed with the salmon. Subsequently, the fish pie is moved to the steps: wrap and freeze. The entire fish pies producing process concludes after the fish pie is dispatched.