There are 17 main stages invoked in the frozen fish pies manufacturing process; IELTS

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The chart given describes the process of producing frozen fish pies. It is evident that there are 17 main stages invoked. Beginning with the delivery of potatoes and salmon, and ending with either store or dispatch the product of frozen fish pies.

First of all, potatoes are delivered and they are then put into a storage with expired date time usage is up to one month. At the second stage, the potatoes are brought out of the store in order to be cleaned, peeled and thrown away potatoes' skin into waste disposal before being sliced. Next, the potato is boiled in a pan until it is ready to eat. Following this, the potato is stored after it was chilled.

In the subsequent stage, lemon juice and salt are poured to the fresh salmon which was transported to the factory and maintained in 12 hours or less in the previous stage. To remove skin and bones to garbage disposal, the salmon is entered to a steam oven. At this point, the salmon is inspected to get rid of spoiled ones. In the next step, the potato which is processed before, prepared peas and prepared sauce are mixed with the salmon. Subsequently, the fish pie is moved to the steps: wrap and freeze. The entire fish pies producing process concludes after the fish pie is dispatched.

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I assume that you used lots of passive voices, e.g., potatoes are boiled, etc. As far as I know, overuse of passive voice is an indication of less-organized academic writing.

you may consider to replace:
-Next, the potato is boiled in a pan until it is ready to eatserve

Overall, this essay is well-structured and understandable. You showed an advance use of grammar and lexical choices.

The chart given describes the process ...

Thank so much @abstracism, I was taught that for kind of process diagrams like this, I should use passive voices better mainly because we are describing about the process of something is made, but making something.

BTW, I appreciate your comment.

Hi Xuan, you have had some valuable advises above. please allow me to give you another suggestion.

For the introduction you have had paraphrasing the task, that is good. It will be better if you add some interesting information to the introduction, such as in which stage both of the main ingredients mixed.

First of all, potatoes are delivered and they are then put into a storage

To remove skin and bones to garbage disposal, the salmons isthen entered to a steam oven

the fish pies is moved to the next steps: wrapping and freezing.

Here are my suggestions. I hope they can be useful for you.

dear writer, let me give some suggetuions for your writing improvement.

It is evident that there are 17 main stages invoked. Beginning with the ...

it is better if you combine these sentences as follows:
There are 17 main stages in manufacturing frozen fish pies beginning with the delivery of potatoes and salmon and ending with storing the product in the machine.

warm reagard

Thanks @Maya29, But, about the sentence "To remove skin and bones to garbage disposal, the salmons isthen entered to a steam oven". I think the salmons cannot enter to steam oven by its own way. It must be entered by the roller as you can see from the diagram. Therefore, I would prefer using passive voice in the sentence.