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Posts by spring1986
Name: Zhinous Shokrani
Joined: Apr 27, 2016
Last Post: Apr 30, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
Likes: 1
From: Islamic Republic of Iran
School: Faraz

Displayed posts: 4
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spring1986   
Apr 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Genetically modified crops are potentially dangerous. to what extent do you agree? [3]

Hello friends, could anyone give a score to this essay as an IELTS essay?

In recent years, scientists have achieved remarkable advances in producing crops with modified genes. Despite this state-of-the-art technology would bring about several benefits for the human community, critics have concerns regarding destructive side-effects of it on the environment and human health alike. In my view, people ought to consume genetically modified crops with cautious to avoid any unpredictable situation.

Undoubtedly, genetic engineering is bound to be a predominant means of food production in the years ahead. Thus it would be beneficial in a variety of ways to societies. One overt advantage of this technology is to produce crops, lasting more than organic ones. Therefore, transportation of these food products is set to be more economical. Moreover, scientists by manipulating of genes are able to generate fruits or vegetables which are less allergic. For instance,genetic experts can alleviate the symptoms of allergies in people, sensitive to consume strawberry or eggplant.

By comparison, some people believe genetically modified crops have not been utterly experimented and might lead to some adverse effects on both human bodies and the environment. First of all, environmentalists argue these products are likely to be environmentally-damaging. They claim these crops may not be degradable and remain in the environment for hundred of years. Secondly, physicians contend these food might be detrimental to humans' body system. For example, they may be responsible for emerging of fatal illnesses such as cancer in people.

In conclusion, I personally tend to agree with these concerns regarding consuming of these synthetic foods. I believe authorities should take some precaution measures before making these method of food production industrialize.
spring1986   
Apr 30, 2016
Scholarship / Proposed study contribution / making improvements by implementing change or reform. Scholarship [5]

On that level, I do not only need daily working[work] experiences but also managerial skills. As an established company, ABC has common problems such as innovation related to financial reporting.

[better to say: such as lack of innovation in their financial reporting system]
Sometimes the system that already applied[that has been already applied] has to be addressed and improved [be improved] to meet the needs in the framework of preparing the financial statements effective and efficient .[I didn't understand this sentence. it would be better to change it]

My future goals are to be a specialist[an expert] in accounting. My bachelor's degree[is] in Accounting and my master's degree [is] in Accounting[better to say: (...) prepared me with a strong ground[background] in theoretical aspects of both sciences.

........
I always analyze on [remove it] tasks which cannot ...
By the time I found out there was something wrong with the working system [working systems], I always discuss with ...
spring1986   
Apr 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Change is necessary because it brings creativity as well as progress in life [3]

Hi Dear,

- First of all, In my opinion your essay has not organized properly. you need 1 paragraph for introduction, 1 paragraph for positive aspects of change and 1 paragraph for negative aspects and finally 1 for conclusion.

- secondly, in introduction you started with talk about change in job!! while the question talks about changes in general. so, your introduction may not get the score.

- thirdly, you need to rehearse brain storming for better writing. your supporting ideas are not sufficient o well organized.

-your have repeated do the same thing, do the same activities again and again. In my view its better to expand your vocabulary to use synonyms instead of repeating.

- its better to not use he/she instead try to use one/individual or they.

- it is recommended to study about using punctuation, such as comma, in right places.

...others believe that change is necessary [essential/crucial] in today's life.

... different things can make people creative in their life. [can boost/enhance people creativity]
Doing the same activity can stifle creativity in a person[,while doing repetitive works might stifle creativity]. When a person[individuals] always does[do] the same thing at his/her [remove it] job[,] he/she[they] does[do] not have motivation to think of new ways for[of] doing jobs.

... activities in his/her daily life can progress[make progress] in his/her work.
Peoples [people] who like the change in their life ...
For instance; [,] consider a person who (...), an other[another] example can be a person[,] thinking about a way to increase ...
These kind[kinds] of persons can be more popular and efficient in comparison with[to] employees who just do the ...

... I personally believe that change is necessary[.] because creativity (...) of doing different kind[kinds] of activities and variety of works.
spring1986   
Apr 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Email is a fast and convenient way to communicate, and written letters aren't needed anymore. [3]

The advent of email as a replacement of traditional letters has had enormous influences on the means of communications. While the emerging of emails revolutionize either professional or social relationships, the negative aspects of this new technology could not be denied. In my point of view, the benefits of using emails outweigh drawbacks.

Undoubtedly, substitution of paper letters by electronic mails has significant advantages for human community. The first overt advantage of this hi-tech tool is providing a far more convenient way for sending letters. In particular, letters are bound to send at an accelerating pace to everywhere around the globe. Furthermore, using of emails rather than traditional letters contributes to reduction of paper waste, produced from either writing or enveloping letters. For example, regarding to official statistics, the amount of paper waste in recent years in my country have been decreased approximately by 40%. Therefore, more emails have sent, more trees would be saved from logging.

On the other hand, there would be some negative effects regarding implying of emails. Firstly, the emerging of emails has provided a new means of advertising for producers to offer their products or services online. Therefore, individuals would face to several adverts or technically spam emails in their inbox daily. Another concern regarding emails is their vulnerability to cyber fraud. One particularly salient example of this is my grandparent's experience- They had received and email last year, claiming you have been awarded a thousand dollar in a lottery and requiring their credit card detail for transferring the prize.

In conclusion, I personally believe while electronic mails have brought about remarkable advancements in the way of communicating, people ought to apply it as a new way of contacting by taking precaution measures and protect their privacy.
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