Posts by alfa7

alfa7

Sep 29, 2016

Writing Feedback / TED summary Task Every Kids Need Champion [6]

Hello Dioba, I want to you obtain my suggestion for your essay, here we go:

... entire life either the school-house or the way to the schoolhouse.

you should use "-" to combine two words as one word has one meaning.

She is come from educator families , both of her ...

be careful with verb plus "s/es" which depends on subject.

... left a legacy of relationships that could never lost.

please becareful with your essay and repeat words, do not use too many repeat words. you can reducing or use adverbial clause.

note: keep writing and go ahead.

alfa7

Sep 20, 2016

Writing Feedback / TEDxWoman Summary: Warrior's Cry Against Child Marriage [2]

When gender equality is questionable thing in Malawi, there is a girl who named Memory Banda who rises her spirit and try to against early marriage. Due to her enthusiasm, she creates Warrior's Cry for the hope that community protect Malawian girl and child from early marriage. In respect that her effort, early marriage issue in Malawi being global interest and obtain lot of world's eyes to solve that problem.

She was talk in TEDxWomen as most anticipated speaker. She started her speech with read some poem form Malawian girl, with "I Marry When I Want" as the title. She touched every single audience and talking about her sister, who was gain pregnant when she was 11. On the ground that experiences were make her angry and want to create a brand new life in around Malawi by against array data statistic number of early marriage. She imagined in the future, Malawian women have well education and grow up before marriage.

Warrior's Cry is the first community in Malawi declare a campaign to against early marriage. Banda, realize how difficult it is, but is not impossible to happen. She does not have great technology to helps her community, she only has a small phone and she try to find many numbers of Malawian Girls and call them to teach them about negative effect of early marriage. Whereas The Warrior's Cry and Banda's Struggle, now in around Malawi, 18 years old is a legal number to marriage from 15 years old before. Her struggle is kind of how SDGs will happen when we want to tackle to contribute in it.

alfa7

Sep 20, 2016

Writing Feedback / EILTS Writing Taks 1 Origin of Writing in some Place [7]

hello there, I want you obtain some suggestions from me, here we go:

... was started from athausand years ago. Such as(you should just say "such" when the object which you want to explain only one) Egyptians who believe that their g od (please use first word in capital when you write God or Gods) Thoth was the person ...

... was used in contact with their g od.
... Chinese writing was found approxmately 1500 B.C.

please double check with your spelling!

alfa7

Sep 20, 2016

Writing Feedback / Ancient civilization attributed the original of writing to the gods. [4]

Hallo there, I want you obtain some suggestion from me, here we go:

Ancient Mayans, Sumerians,(you should use coma symbol before "and" when object you say more than 3) and Assyrians believed writing original(in my opinion your phrase is uncommon) with certain G ods (Gods or God should be start in capital word) .

The oldest form of(please check your grammar) China writing was ...
note: please you can do it more than that, please phrase and replace many words to avoid plagiarism from the original essay. carry on!

alfa7

Sep 20, 2016

Writing Feedback / Where Writing System Come From? [2]

Did you ever think about when the writing first comes to human civilization? Some researchers have different opinion about that. Yet the most popular theory says writing develop by three massive ancient civilizations: China, Mesopotamia and Mesoamerica. Developed of writing system was happen in Mesopotamia by Sumerian in 3000s B.C. In early their system, they use clay for writing to mark Sumerian calendar, but time by time their system had evolved to mark represented object and sound.

In 1500 B. C. in China, people use animal bones to write and predict the future. In the view of time travel fast and the system could not use bones again; nevertheless, they use metallic component to write, namely bronze. The origins of China literature influential the Japan and Korea literatures. Mayans from Mesoamerican in Mexico and Central America were create writing system in 400 B.C.

The researcher found the early writing system from Mayans in walls of many ancient structures in Oaxaca, Mexico. They write for religious approach for their God and explain how the world was created and will be end. Three of the early system of writing were influential every human's system in today's world.