Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Panjul88 [Suspended]
Name: Panjul
Joined: Sep 22, 2016
Last Post: Sep 22, 2016
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 5
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Panjul88   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Folklore: Yukki Onna The Snow Woman [3]

There are two hunters lived in a small village in Japan. Mosaku was an elderly man and Minokichi was his 16-years-old boy. They were hunting together in forest and seek some animals that they can take it home and cooked for dinner.

A cold night in winter, Mosaku and Minokichi were on their way home while they trapped in blizzard. Fortunately, they found a small cabin that already left by its owner for taking shelter from the night and the snowstorm. The father slept fast and his son could not sleep due to the fact that the weather too cold outside. However at the end Minokichi could sleep.

Suddenly he woke up after he felt the snow on his face. He saw a woman dressed in white and breath like white smoke above his father while sucked his soul. He was stunned and could not move anywhere until the daemon closer to him. She said do not tell no one regarding that moment or he would die. Not so long after that he realized that his father was dead.

Several years after that, he met a beautiful woman in the forest when he hunted game. He felt in love with the woman. Finally, they get married and have many children. Minokichi realized that his wife seems like the daemon who killed her father and he told that story to her. The wife was angry and turned in to the daemon. She wanted to kill him but they are have many children. Eventually his wife was disperse and disappeared without a trace.
Panjul88   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The background of the kind dolphin and the ferocious shark [3]

Hi FirmanRomadhon20,

I have few suggestions for you.

* This story is about {you can use tells or describes } two animals....
* .......which have different characteristic. {You have to use semicolon to mention the character} They are Dolphin and shark - which have different characteristic; The Dolphin and The shark

Good luck!
Panjul88   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED fusion is energy's future (Steve Cowley) [7]

Hi Ifan21,

I have few notes for you.

* One of the crucial environmental {to make it clearly} problems nowadays isE nergy {energy } crisis and greenhouse effect

* Energy in the moment is dominated by non-renewable ...

Break a leg
Panjul88   
Sep 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary: Sees the Progress of Tuberculosis Treatments [4]

Hi Hanachi,

Your writing is quite good, but I have few notes for you.

*.....sleeping by yourself,alone {more appropriate to use } and masks the mouth, will help ...

*......We {you should add subject to make it clear } must be keep the immune of body...

Break a leg.
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