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Posts by FoxTrot05
Name: John Doe
Joined: Nov 1, 2016
Last Post: Mar 12, 2019
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FoxTrot05   
Mar 12, 2019
Essays / Perfect Software - Help on generating topic. [2]

Given theme: Given that perfect software is impossible, should consumers have the right to get compensation when programs malfunction?

Potential Essay Topics



-Right to compensation on malfunctioning software
-Compensation on non-perfect software
-Customers rights on malfunctioning software
-Dangers of malfunctioning software
-Compensating flawed software
-Software imperfections and compensations
-Rights of customers on malfunctioning software
-Breach on code of conduct on malfunctioning software
-Improbability of perfect software and its effect
-Concerns on imperfect software and its malfunctions

Im having trouble generating a strong topic to match the theme. I've made a list of potential ones but I'm not sure if they are sufficient enough.

Any help would be appreciated
FoxTrot05   
Mar 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / WATER POLUTION - a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment [3]

Hello

Here's my feedback on your essay, hope it helps.

If this is suppose to be in a essay format, I would work on the introduction paragraph. I would say that your intro and your first body paragraph can be combined into 1 and you can add a thesis statement into it. Right now your thesis statement would be "This issue becomes close attention of environmentalists as it causes a poison ecosystem for aquatic animals and health problems for a human." I would word it in a way that you are representing a side to the argument for example: "The act of dumping harmful chemicals and the production of non biodegradable waste has detrimental effect on the water ecosystem". In the intro paragraph you want to let your readers know about the background of the problem and you are doing so in your second paragraph and hence why I would recommend you merge the first and the second paragraph. Also when you use the example, it would be better if you cite the information rather than saying "For example," because it can be flagged for plagiarism.

So normally you'd want to have at least 3 body paragraphs and in total you would have 5 (intro, 3 body, conclusion). Currently you covered the harmful waste that is being dumped by companies and the usage of plastic (you can talk about it being non-degradable). So you can make these topics as individual paragraphs and in your 3rd paragraph you can either research the 3rd cause or you can use your paragraph which covers the effect of water pollution. Again here, if you want to put facts that you got from a website or an article, you would want to cite it.

Lastly, for your conclusion paragraph you would put a quick summary of what points you made and then rewrite the thesis here again. This is to tie everything together and give your readers a nice summary of what your paper was about.

Hopefully any of what I said helped you.
FoxTrot05   
Mar 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / Children suffer more pressure from academic, social and commercial aspects [3]

Hello,

Here's some feedback on your essay.

First, I would expand the introduction into a full paragraph. I would add in more information on the topic and come up with a more stronger thesis statement. Your thesis statement should be so you stand on a side of an argument and that you support one over the other. The topic is asking if children are facing more pressure from the 3 elements so in order to write your thesis, you would either agree with the statement or disagree with it. Also I would avoid assumptions such as "its no surprise" because it may create a bias and you want to present your argument with evidence which is more compelling.

Next, you're essay question is asking the 3 ways that children are facing pressure which are academic, social and commercial ways. Right now you have 2 body paragraphs and I will assume that you will be writing the 3rd one? I think that you're missing the "commercial" body paragraph here. Also dont forget that the question is also asking for the solutions to the problems that you stated. I would maybe write the problem in 1 paragraph and write the solution in another paragraph which then you will end up with 6 paragraphs. I recommend this way so that you are focused on presenting your idea 1 at a time and you can organize your thoughts.

So lets look at your first body paragraph, in the beginning you state that there are many factors but you only stated one point. So instead you can reword it like so "there are many factors from social pressure and the main issue is the depiction of a "successful individual" in films". Usually in an essay, you want to avoid using "I believe" or "I think" unless you are writing an opinion essay.

Next paragraph, you make a good point about technology being harmful but I would research a bit more into it. You said that "Children is thought to be smarter, more intelligent due to easier access to information" and where/who did you get this information from? It would help if you added citations from an article or research paper. Also, I would rephrase this sentence to maybe "Children nowadays have easy access to information through a technology medium and it discourages them to critically think and halts the learning process." Technology doesnt necessarily make children smart but I would think that knowing how to use technology devices who make them capable.

Lastly, the conclusion should include a short summary of what you wrote in your essay to your readers. Some times readers need a reminder if the essay become lengthy. This is also where you would restate your thesis statement. Like I said above, you want to write the thesis so that you are representing a side to an argument.
FoxTrot05   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rogerian Essay on Social Networking - The pros and cons of being a part of it [2]

Hello

i need to write an essay in a rogerian format (group project) and this is my first time ever writing in this style. So please if you could give me a feedback on how to improve or fix any mistakes, it would be very much appreciated.

note: this is the format that the professor wanted

Title: The pros and cons of being a part of the social network

Intro
Are social network site helpful or harmful? Some people argue that too much information in the hands of the wrong people can be dangerous. Major social network websites such as Facebook, twitter and Instagram are used to stay connected with friends and family. These sites allow users to interact with new people and is a good way to be exposed to strangers. While these networking sites can be helpful for increased social interaction, It stops being beneficial when the decrease in privacy is overlooked.

Benefit of Social media
The concerns of privacy may be present but it relies on the users' actions and how they utilize these social network sites. For example, some people build fake relationships rather than real ones because there are those who lack communication skills and they find it easier to engage in a conversation through messaging rather than verbally speaking to a person. With this, people found that social networking sites have a positive effect on their life because it helps in social interactions and gives more opportunities to make social connections.

Social Networking allows people to communicate in a very short time. This has led to the creation of a site that is involved in helping the community. Sites like 'Linked' are dedicated to helping those people who are hunting for jobs. Candidates can create or use their existing resume and upload them to these sites where employers can search for the qualifications that they are interested in. Also companies can advertise for jobs on these sites and have a high chance of obtaining a highly qualified person.

Lastly, social networking has increased the opportunities for business. Businesses study trends that are popular within communities and they utilize the social media websites to promote and advertise their product. Social marketing is cost effective and even unfamiliar brands are getting attention from huge audiences which has been an effective way to advertise.

Drawback
People should understand what the social networking websites can do with their information. The privacy policy that social networking websites provide shows where and how their personal information is used and protected. The majority of users lack either the education or competence to protect their privacy online including through social networking websites. In a study done by Nili Steinfeld, out of 45 different privacy policies the average number of words are 2400 words. There may be words and phrases that may be difficult to understand and ultimately be inconvenient to the user to read, which would lead to the users accepting the terms without reading. in an experiment done by Ross Malaga, a total of 173 of 178,207 unique visitors clicked on the privacy policy over a six month period. The website was for a women`s apparel site where credit card information was required. in addition only 7 of the 45 policies require the website to notify the user if there is a change made to the privacy policy. This can lead to more security vulnerabilities that could create opportunities for hacking and information theft and less ways of prevention through user involvement.

Negative
One of the big concerns of social network is being able to be anonymous because it allows a potential criminals, whether it be sexual offenders, stalkers or psychos, to hide their identity. On the web, they can appear to be ordinary people and users have no idea whether they are real or fake. This discourages online relationships because of the low chance that the person you meet on the web is authentic.

The social networking sites are not as private as people may think. They fail to realize that everything that gets uploaded into the internet does not get permanently get deleted. People sometimes post their opinion or photos regardless of it being inappropriate or not. While one moment a photo of friends doing shots at a party may seem harmless, the image may appear less attractive in the context of an employer doing a background check. Social networking sites encourage people to share their everyday events and intimate details of their lives can be posted so easily. Most sites allow their users to control who sees the things they've posted, but such limitations are often forgotten.

Social networking sites can be bad for users' health. Usually social network sites can be browsed through a computer. Prolonged usage of these sites can be harmful because sitting in front of a computer requires zero physical activity. Statistics show that sitting in front of the computer all day causes poor posture, eye strain, and poor circulation. Because these computerized interaction involves zero face to face interaction, there is no motivation for these individuals to leave the house or to go exercise. Eventually this can severely affect one's health.

Drawback
The social networking sites may lack in privacy but there is a reason behind that. Most social networking websites requires personal information in order to create a profile. They allow users have a choice of putting it as public or private; however, the websites will still have access to the information regardless. Users may feel that these sites doesn't provide enough security, but a social networking website cannot be completely secure because then it would not allow anyone access. By doing so, it prevents users from making connections which goes against the purpose of these social networking sites.

Similarities
Social media can be just as harmful as it is helpful in the wrong hands. While these online environment can be used for social interactions, one can use them as a tool to harm people such as cyber bullying.

(Need to expand this section)
*need help in this section, cant think of any similarities*

Conclusion
Social networking sites can be very beneficial for keeping contact with family members and friends; however, one must be aware of the possible dangerous scenarios that can occur and know how to handle these situations. People should take the advantage of making their profiles private because it filters out unwanted visitors and can be done with only a few mouse clicks. People should remember that these sites can be used for advantageous reasons but remember that it should not put any limitations on them. They should go out and physically meet and communicate with people in the real world rather than being restricted to computerized interactions. To wrap up, users of these sites need to be aware of the obvious and not so obvious effects of these sites and use them with their utmost caution.
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