cover letter for the postdoctoral position (in astronomy)

Hi,

I'm struggling with my English writing. Here I attach the cover letter for the postdoctoral position. Please give me some comments on the letter. All comments will be greatly appreciated.

Dear Prof. XXX:

I am writing this letter to inquire about the post-doctoral position at the University of XXX in conjunction with the XXX Fellowship program as advertised in your department web page.

I am a PhD candidate in astronomy at the XXX in Republic of Korea, and will complete my PhD degree by August 2011. My thesis focuses on the star formation in galactic scales by studying the thermal and dynamical evolution of ISM in disk galaxies. I have carried out extensive numerical simulations using a recently developed magnetohydrodynamics code, which is parallelized using MPI. This experience fits very well for this position in order to carry forward numerical simulations of the formation and evolution of star-disk systems. The research topic on the star formation in small scales that you are interested in are also one of my research goals.

Three letters of recommendation will be sent to your mail before XXX. After you have had an opportunity to review my CV and research statement, I would like to set up an appointment to talk with you further about how my background and experience could benefit your group. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me via my cell phone at (XX)-XX-XXXX-XXXX or via e-mail at XXX@XXX. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

...program as advertised in your department web page. (Right here, before ending the first paragraph, add a sentence that tells them the most important point they need to know about you... the sentence you want them to remember.)

Then, start paragraph 2:
I am a PhD candidate in astronomy at the XXX in Republic of Korea, and will ...

The Your research topic on the about star formation in small scales that you are interested in are also one of as also aligned with my interests.

... about how my background and experience with _______, _______, and ________ could can benefit your group.

Thank you very much Kevin!

I added the sentense right after the first paragraph as follow:

I am writing this letter to inquire about the post-doctoral position at the University of XXX in conjunction with the XXX Fellowship program as advertised in your department web page. I am a highly qualified candidate with a strong background in XXX, XXX, and XXX.

Is it looks good?

Thanks again.

I think it will look good if XXXXX, XXXXX, and XXXXX are three areas very relevant to the position for which you're applying. Are they?

With this kind of writing, it is most important to show that you are COMMITTED and ENTHUSIASTIC about specific areas of study that you are eager to explore. If you show that you are truly DRIVEN, the reader will want to choose you.

:-)