Cover letter for study permit in Canada at Cape Breton University

Hello, I am in need of help to check my grammars and the way that I present an opinion so that I can make the most out of one letter. It is my first time applying to study in Canada and I don't know if I have done the cover letter justice. Also, I am not a very good student, with only 2.75 GPA, but I love to learn and I don't give up. Can you please help me to emphasize my strength? I would be grateful if anyone can help me, I intend to send the letter in roughly 3 months.

Thank you a lot.
Below is my cover letter

study permit application letter

Tran The Thong
457A/23 Nhat Tao St, Ward 6, District 10
Tel: 01227847014 - Email: dexterloax@gmail.
Visa Officer
The Canadian Embassy
Visa Section
Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam.

D/M/Y

Dear Visa Officer,

My name is Tran The Thong. I wish to apply for a study permit. I am currently studying third year Mechantronics at Eastern International University. It has always been my dream to study abroad, however my English skill wasn't proficient enough until recent years. After joining quite a few conferences about studying overseas, I chose Canada to look for a university, due to its reputation of friendliness and political stability. Furthermore, I love the snow, the peace and quietness and the fact that Canada is ranked second of all the nations in terms of education.

I was also fortunate enough to know about Cape Breton University from Canadian Education International's conference, which saved me a lot of research time. After a brief discussion with a CBU representative there, I learned that CBU offers a transfer program of which I can continue my study in Engineering. That is why I decided to apply for CBU course of Engineering.

In all honesty, I consider myself to be an underachiever and a slow student, which is why I usually fail a lot before I start to succeed. Most of the time I always come short a few points for the lowest mark, which is D. However, I am praised by a lot of my professors for my honesty, commitment and my attitude towards my work. In short, I do not give up that is why I am in good grace of some of them and they allow me to come into their lectures or research rooms in subjects that I feel I need to study more.

Another good thing about me is that my ability to connect what I have learned with each other and apply it to real life, which my professors said a lot of students in Vietnam lack. Because of my passion in robots, I have been learning C++, C, Java and C# alone, including doing small projects on Proteus simulating Engine control, thermosensor control, LCD and ICs with the help of my professors. I believe my strength is in my will and curiosity to learn. That is why I was captain of both Physics and Math team in High school, we did not win any prize, but it was a great learning opportunity for me and my team.

By studying in CBU-a truly international environment, I could receive an even better help from experts there. With my will to learn and the expertise of the professors of one of the best education system in the world, I am confident that I will get a lot better at Once I have graduated, I will look forward to working for Robotics 3T (it is run by Vietnamese and have achieved some successes recent years) or even bigger companies such as Mitsubishi, FANUC and Kawasaki. My dream is to have the mark "Made in Vietnam" on robots around the world and that I am one of the people who will have made them. There are so many opportunities here for engineers like me. However, I recognize my weaknesses and since robot related subjects are relatively new in Vietnam, I need to study at CBU to make the most of my time. In addition to that, a degree at CBU can really help me score higher with job interviewers in Vietnam, which will really help me get a better job and boost the process of getting it faster.

In general, I am confident that with my honesty and my passion, I would be granted a study permit to help me pursue my dream and return to my family here as soon as possible.

Thank you for your time,

Tran The Thong

Tran, first of all, you should not be applying for a student study permit unless you have already been admitted to a university in Canada. That is because the university will supply you with additional documentation for submission with your application. Also, the university acceptance will be additional proof that you will return to Vietnam after you graduate because the university will make sure that you get on the plane and go home. Now, as for the content, what you have written does not apply to a study permit application. The application should indicate that you have been accepted to the university, what semester you are expected to start / attend, what you hope to accomplish as a student (research, internships, etc. ), how you will be paying for your studies and how you plan to support yourself, without working in Canada since you are on a student visa. You will need to wait for your admission to the university and then write your study permit petition letter. You also need to explain why you chose to study in Canada, how this transfer will help make you a better Engineer, and most importantly, assure the visa officer that you will return to Vietnam after you graduate by presenting relevant and assuring information in your letter. Right now, you cannot use this version of the letter at all as it does not represent the proper discussion for your application.

Thank you for replying, I have already applied at Cape Breton University for spring semester. I'm currently waiting for my documents to arrive so I can send the cover letter to the Canada embassy. I'll try another draft with your advices, can you check it once I've finished? We'll be happy to check it again if you make this thread Urgent, thank you! :)

Ok, so I rewrote the whole letter. I think this time it has been improved a little. Can you please help me check it? thank you very much

Tran The Thong
457A/23 Nhat Tao St, Ward 6, District 10
Tel: 01227847014 - Email: dexterloax@gmail.
Visa Officer
The Canadian Embassy
Visa Section
Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam.

D/M/Y

Dear Visa Officer,

My name is Tran The Thong. I wish to apply for a study permit. I was accepted to Cape Breton University spring 2018 transfer program. I am transferring my third-year credits in Mechatronics at Eastern International University to Manufacturing at Cape Breton University due to Mechatronics being a broader major. I would be studying for two years at Cape Breton for a Bachelor Degree in Manufacturing.

Vietnam is a developing country and we are expecting a rise in the need for automation machines for the next fifty years. By learning Manufacturing in an already developed country I can guaranteed to have the latest knowledge to be on the front when I return to work in Vietnam. Furthermore, if I decided to apply for a job at large Enterprises such as Mitsubishi Motors, FANUC or Kawasaki, I would need an advanced knowledge of my field, which can only be acquired by studying in Cape Breton University.

The reason I chose Cape Breton University was that after many conferences about studying overseas at U.S.A, Canada, Australia, England and Japan, Canada fits my needs and personality the most. Canada is second in education, has the reputation for having the friendliest people, was ranked the safest place in the world in 2015. It was at Canada studying conference that I was introduced to Cape Breton University. After a brief discussion with the university's representative, I decided that I would apply for a transfer program at Cape Breton University.

My parents and aunt are paying my tuition fees and my living expense as well. I was told that international students studying at Canada can work part-time at most twenty hours per week. Therefore, I can save some money for my parents and my aunt at home. I will be staying at a homestay. I have been in touch with the owner and booked it for the next two years. The first month payment has been attached to this letter for further clarification.

My plan is to finish my Bachelor Degree in Canada and return home and apply for internship at Mitsubishi Motors or Robotics 3T. My dream is to have the mark "Made in Vietnam" on robots around the world. In addition to that, with the number of on-going projects such as the North-South high-speed train system and subways in my country, the need for cheap, fast and advanced robots grows ever higher. It will provide a prime condition for me with a degree from CBU, I can almost guarantee to acquire a well-paid job in the first month that I return home. I also have a girlfriend at home and we have been together for nearly three years, so I really looking forward to showing her my degree when I get back from Canada. It would be a life changing experience for me.

I also took the liberty and asked for recommendation letters from two of my close professors who are teaching me at Eastern International University. It would serve as a better explanation on myself and my dream as a whole. I have attached them to the documents if you wish to read them. It would mean the world to me to have this opportunity and go through the one of the lifetime experience at Cape Breton University.

Thank you for your time,

Tran The Thong