Email Admission officers to update English Language Test Results

Hello, moderators and other students on EssayForum.
I'd like to ask for help from you about the content and format of one e-mail which will be sent to the admission officers of a British college. I hope it looks clear, formal, and respectful. Could you please give me some advice on it? Thank you!

Subject:

[Application] Update English Language Test Results - My name - My student ID

Dear Admission officers,

My name is XXX. I'm writing to inform you about my updated English Language test results to meet the requirements of my programme. Please check the attachment to see the documentation. Thank you very much!

Moreover, I would like to know if it is possible for you to give me a further update on the progress of my application. University College London has always been my dream school, and I am eager to join in the XXX programme. I would appreciate it if you could inform me about the application result as soon as possible. Thanks again!

Student Number: X
Application Reference: X
Programme: X
Entry month/year: X
Mode of Attendance: X

Name of the test: X
Candidate number: X
Date taken: X
My scores: X

Yours faithfully,
XXX

Please, avoid using exclamation points in your formal inquiry letters. Use only periods, question marks, commas, and other non surprising punctuation marks. Exclamation points remove the formality of your letter. Additionally, the thank you reference should be placed at the end of the total letter. It is not advisable for you to refer to the college as your dream school, first choice, priority option, or otherwise. The person receiving your letter really does not care about that. However, you can ask for an update regarding your application as you are considering all your available options for your education. Never make it seem like if you don't get into this school, your educational career will come to a pause. Do not be redundant with your thanks. Just place it at the very end, once.

As for the results of your English language test results, you can indicate that you hope the additional information will be useful in the consideration of your admission to the school. Your letter actually sounds a bit too excited to be considered formal but that is understandable. Try to tone it down and, like I said, don't use exclamation points anywhere in the letter.