Motivation letter to Germany embassy in computer science for master degree

Any comments.. please help me

Dear Sir/Madam

I am writing to introduce myself, Abdullah Mosleh , a native of Yemen. Upon completing my secondary education, I pursued my higher education at Thamar University, Yemen, where I specialized in Information Technology within the Faculty of Computer Science and Information Systems. I successfully obtained my bachelor's degree with a commendable final grade of "good," achieving an average score of 88 out of 100.

My passion for information technology was ignited at a young age when my uncle, who hails from Germany, gifted our family our first laptop during one of his visits. Intrigued by its intricacies, I embarked on a journey of exploration into the world of technology. Despite the predominantly theoretical nature of my studies in Yemen, my desire to delve deeper into the practical aspects of my field has led me to aspire towards postgraduate studies in Germany.

Germany, renowned for its esteemed universities and commitment to free education, is where I aim to further enrich my academic pursuits. The Computer Science program at Clausthal University of Technology particularly appeals to me due to its strong emphasis on practical applications. The opportunity to collaborate with industry partners on my master's thesis aligns perfectly with my ambition to specialize in areas such as artificial intelligence, web and network design, and cybersecurity.

In preparation for this academic endeavor, I have dedicated myself to language studies, attaining a current proficiency level of B1 after undergoing German language courses in Alexandria, Egypt. It would be a tremendous honor for me to be granted admission to Clausthal University.

Looking ahead, my ultimate goal post-graduation is to establish my own IT company in Yemen. I firmly believe that nurturing a pool of skilled professionals in the field of technology is paramount for the country's post-war reconstruction efforts. By contributing to the modernization of Yemen through technological innovation, I am eager to play a part in shaping its future.

I eagerly anticipate the opportunity to immerse myself in German culture and further enhance my linguistic abilities.

Yours sincerely,
Abdullah

The motivation letter is very weak. It does not offer the consul any exceptional talents, notable skills, or achievements of note that would help plead your case for a visa. Student visas are normally awarded to those who show a potential to change the field of study he is interested in or, shows an immense talent based upon early accomplishments, prior to formal academic training in computer science. I do not ready any of that sort of information in this presentation. I would not say that this is an impressive presentation. I would call it a forgettable one if any. Achievements and a desire to gain more of these while studying in Germany would help create an enhanced motivational letter.

@Nazfe73
Your motivation letter only talked about your personal interest. How does it benefit the people of Yemen; I advise you identify a challenge in Yemen which you think when granted the scholarship, the study will help you solve.