Motivation letter for master in facility and real estate managemnt

Dear All,

I would like to seek your comment and correction on my motivation letter for the master program in facility and real estate management at Zuyd University in Holland! Any help from you are very appreciated!

Big thanks from Phuong in advance!!!!! ^_^

Hereunder is my letter content:

Dear Sirs/Madams,

My name is Phuong and I come from Vietnam. I am writing this letter to express my interest in applying the Master course in Facility and Real Estate Management at Zuyd University. I believe the mentioned master course will provide me the professional knowledge and skills to enhance my career which I am passionate about and what I am doing the best.

The first thing that makes real estate become my interest, I would tell you it is fate! Since my family business was housing business, I was getting acquainted to real estate business when I was a child. However, when I was at the last year of high school, the local real estate market dropped dramatically so my family stopped the business. As the result, I was impacted and decided to do something else different. Thus my chosen major at the university is English linguistics and literature. I firmly thought to become an English teacher or a translator but once again fate reconfirmed me that teaching English was not for me. After graduation, I was recruited by a head hunter company who is the head hunter agency for Standard Chartered Bank. As the result, I have worked at Corporate Real Estate Services Department of Standard Chartered Bank in four years since graduation. Real Estate and I were destined to be back together!

The second thing is that I am inspired and interested in Corporate Real Estate Services since I have worked at Standard Chartered Bank. At Standard Chartered Bank, Corporate Real Estate Services (CRES) department manages approximately [...] sq ft of office space, branches and ATM locations through Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia. Since I joined the team, several acquisition projects have been proposed and approved and we have delivered [...] sq ft of office and retail space into well - operation and apply the new agile working model. As the junior member of the team, I had an unique chance to work through the CRES functions which includes asset management, project management, facility management, health safety and environment, security and business continuity management. I have learned a lot from my local & regional & global team members and we did work together as an extended family. Since then I was fascinated in how to analyze the financial models of the new projects, how to draft the request for the project proposals, how to negotiate with the landlords, how to budget & forecast the property operation cost and how to engage the relevant stakeholders in the project & budget process. And I found it fun to work and communicate with different people from different businesses to support the business growth in terms of property context. Obviously real estate management has many challenges but once I have passion for it, I would find the way to overcome all.

After four years with Standard Chartered Bank, I think this time is a stepping stone for me to jump in the next level. Since my education background is English, I realized the short way to obtain a senior position is leveraging my knowledge and skills by a master course in real estate and facility management. I've searched and found some courses all over the world however the master course in Zuyd university appeals me more than the others. The very first thing impressed me that is the program structure and direction matches the fields I've worked. The course covers Project Management, Critical Thinking, Research Methods, Asset Management, Support Services, Building Management, Corporate Real Estate Management and Economics, etc which are exactly what I am looking for. I find that it is very practically - oriented program that would provide me not only the knowledge but also the skills to become a real estate professional. The second thing is the course takes place in Maastricht, Netherlands which I know as a diversity and commerce city in Netherlands. Maastricht shares the cross border with Belgium and Germany, this makes it becomes an international city in Netherlands. Hence I believe that I would not only study knowledge related to real estate but also the different cultures. I would love to make friends with a lot of great people especially my classmates from different countries including Holland. As I am a socialized person, Maastricht and your master course would definitely be what I am yearning for. Moreover, being international is a great benefit to my career since I am intending to work in corporates after graduation.

Due to the mentioned factors above, I strongly would like to apply the master course in Facility and Real Estate Management at Zuyd University. I have known "The Faculty of Facility Management is one of the jewels in the crown of Zuyd University". In the Netherlands this faculty was chosen best educator in Facility Management, both by professional experts and students. Therefore I have the certain reason to believe that this postgraduate study program of the prestigious faculty in Netherlands will assist me in accomplishing my goal to become a successful, innovative professional. Five years from now, I envisage myself as a professional real estate manager in a leading real estate company or in a leading corporate real estate department of the global corporate. I would therefore feel obliged to be able to secure the admission of this master course. If I get the opportunity to be part of this intellectually stimulating learning environment, I am sure my talent and creativity will be put to optimal use.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much for your consideration.

Yours Faithfully,
Phuong Vu Mai (Ms. Phuong)

-ince my family business was housing business, I was getting acquainted to real estate business when I was a child. ( a little wordy, if possile you can reduce the lenght of the sentence and get to the point. Maybe something like Because my familly own the housing business, i was... as a child)

-ince I joined the team, several acquisition projects have been proposed and approved and we have delivered [...] sq ft of office and retail space into well - operation and apply the new agile working model. ( to many 'and', try to use commas or if possible break down into seperate sentences)

- have learned a lot from my local & regional & global team members and we did work together as an extended family. ( Maybe Togther as an extended family, i've learned ...) ( try to reduce the wordiness)

And I found it fun to work and communicate with different people from different businesses to support the business growth in terms of property context ( can't start the sentence with and)

Obviously ( comma) ... has many challenges but once I have passion for it, I would find the way to overcome all.

I find that it is very (practically - oriented) ( awk. right here, i would just put ' well oriented ' )program that would provide me not only the knowledge but also the skills to become a real estate professional

I am no expert but here is my feedback

What impressed me that is the program structure and direction match with the fields I've worked


I think you don't need to introduce your name here. This will be given in the end of the letter.



These phrases are verbose, containing unnecessary words. Possible solution: Omit them

Thanks Annd a lot for your comments. You're right that my sentences are too long. I'm trying to shorten them :)
Thanks eddies a lot for your comments and correction!