A Letter from Papa Bird to its Baby Birds

Recently I have produced a work which I hope there're somebody helping me to check the grammar.

A Letter from Papa Bird to its Baby Birds

"In response to the theme of Living a Live with Dignity, I convey my messages via an allegory which late Papa bird sends a letter to teach his three little birds about life."- Anna

My three lovely baby birds,
It's been a year since I left your mama bird and you. I'm now formless but I enjoy being in the sea. I follow the flow of the sea and meet a lot of fishes here.

Since the time I left you, have you three learned to be more open-minded in learning? Tweety, life is about learning. There're so many things waiting for us to explore. In the past, I used to think that the skies that we always flew is the whole world, but now I realize that there are other mountains, seas, forests except the skies I used to teach you to fly. Birdy, you must enjoy learning and not to be too stressed if you can't learn everything. Chicky, I know you have experienced a lot of obstacles and are disappointed with the reality that stops you to pursue your dream. But life is also about action. Instead of waiting for miracles, it should be you to create the miracles.

One thing I feel regretful is that I can't wait for your success, but I believe your mama bird can do so. So, three of you must take good care of your mama bird. She is not as strong as she used to be in the past. When she feels bored, bring her to the beautiful forest that I have brought you there before. Tweety, your mama bird always encourages you to befriend with other birds. From there, you will hear more and make wise judgment though what you hear is not always the truth. Birdy, I know it is a big blow to you when you saw me leave without telling you when you were in another forest, but I know this is going to make your more independent and more mature in analyzing each problem. Chicky, I know you may be busy with entertaining and socializing with your bird friends, but sometimes you must go home early and try to talk to your mama bird about your future.

In the past, I used to know what kinds of trees were better to build our warm nests, but now it's your time to know how to choose a good tree for your nest. I know three of you always have dreams. But do the dreams gradually fade away? Do the dreams still exist in your hearts? "Hope is far greater wealth than that of any other kind. There's no progress or victory for people, who, for instance, possess every else, but lack hope and the strength to live. This cannot be called a human way of living, nor is it in which happiness can be found." Also, determination means something. You live your life once. Whether you fight till the end and create your own value or just give up when you face death, disappointment, and desperation all depend on your decision.

Care for your friends and don't always think of getting benefits from them. I always believe that good birds will eventually receive the most beautiful and fruitful outcome. We don't fight for those that are meaningless. Your Mama Bird will not always accompany you, and life is something that you know how you can live on. It's like writing your own story. But when you tell people about your story, it must not be boring but very interesting and inspiring. Though I leave, I can always become your mental support. Live in present as it is always a gift for you to achieve something today. We can't know what will happen tomorrow but we still have today to continue.

"Everyone dies eventually. Almost none of us here nor the planet at this moment will still be alive a hundred years from now. This is a stern reality that nothing can change. When we deeply recognize this truth, it becomes impossible for us to squander our lives." Papa Bird does not have chance to live again. If I could live my life once again, I would not fight with Mama Bird and I would always accompany you and see you grow. Family unity is so important to me now, but it's too late. So, my dear baby birds, I want you to make yourself and your mother happy every day.

Take care, my dear baby birds and Mama Bird! Love you!
Yours sincerely,
Papa Bird

Hei Anna! :D

First of all, welcome to EF! I'd give you a prize, but will you settle for a cyber-hug? >:D<

Now getting down to business: I liked your essay, I did. It's a cute story that makes me recall how I perceived the world when I was little.

However, and this will come out mean no matter how I'll say it, I don't find it to be impressive. It is not something truly special. First of all, birds do not feel the same emotions us humans do when it comes to family. For them, learning is about surviving. And the parents do not care about their futures after they can live on their own. I do get it that you meant everything in a metaphorical way, but you went over the top, so to say. If you look at fables and tales, all animals impersonating a certain character are simple and only roughly contoured.

My advise, choose one or few characteristics that actually exist in the bird world and try to bring the reader to empathize with your birdy story.

And what I would also do, I'd drop the names (Tweety, Chicky, Birdy). They sound too goofy and I personally was distracted from what you were trying to say because of that.

My last tip: a letter is still an essay. You need the structure. If every single line is loaded with information and meaning, you become boring. Focus on a good amount of description in the beginning to install a certain mood and then, gradually, work your way up to the conclusion.

That being said, your writing should reflect what you think. So perhaps you can wait for a while and then read this essay again. And maybe you will figure out where you can improve it or add a further thought yourself. :)

Good luck!

Wau, it's an amazing feedback though I can't really figure out what you said. Hmmn, of course, it's good for me to improve in my skills~thanks~I truly appreciate it~^ - ^