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Personal Statement Master's programme; solutions for architecture field in Brazil

BBartok 1 / 1  
Mar 7, 2019   #1
I'd really like any feedback regarding my personal statement for a master's programme application. Thanks!

The statement should address the following points:

Why a postgraduate education at the xxxxx and what do you hope to gain from it?
What are your present interests and directions?
Comment on the work you have accomplished since graduation.
Comment on the Graduate School programmes offered, in particular the programme for which you are applying.

understanding of computational thinking

As a practicing architect, I have made sure to involve myself working in different types of projects covering diverse scales. From industrial projects, museums, exhibitions, residential and corporate buildings. Throughout all this trajectory I have always advocated for more intensive use of new technologies regarding projects development and delivery. My continued interest in digital design tools since bachelor's period motivated me to pursue a master programme focused in computational design where I can push the boundaries of design processes through the use of innovative approaches based on cutting-edge technologies. That's why I believe the xxxxxxxx offered by xxxxxxxx will provide me a unique opportunity to further move from the common ground application of digital tools to a deeper understanding of computational thinking applied to conceptual phases of design with a strong emphasis on physical-digital workflow.

Over the years I have worked as a design architect working in architectural competitions as well as project architect responsible for construction drawings delivery. Working on international and national architectural competitions by means of research, modeling, rendering and elaborating concise presentations, was essential to develop important skills like team working and working under pressure attending tight deadlines. Always attuned in how new technologies could enhance architectural and building industry I have always made sure to be up-to-date by means of self learning, short courses and networking with peers.

By that time as I was demanded by the office's peers regarding the best use of software I decided to give classes at a training center as a way to improve communicating and teaching skills. Currently, I work as an Architect and BIM Consultant. I work on projects that require a deep understanding of data management regarding BIM deliveries. I am also responsible for in-company lecturing providing me contact with professionals from diverse backgrounds and interests.

My continued professional and lecturing experiences have led me to the realization that I want to move further towards computational design and digital fabrication methods where I can put architectural design processes in a wider perspective.

My long-term interest in xxxxxxxx programme led me to enroll in the xxxxxxxx short course. Led by Professor xxxxxxxx, it was an amazing experience where our group headed to the Mamori Lake in the Amazon rainforest. Working together with an international group of architects we could develop a project of a communal space for Mamori residents. Also, it was a great opportunity for gaining an introduction for subjects, part of xxxxxxxx programme, that I want to study in depth, such as Material Computation and Emergence.

I believe the programme will enhance my skills in computational design, parametric design, digital simulation and fabrication. As an architect, I must be well versed in the use of Material Systems with Advanced Fabrication utilizing robotic techniques. All course's modules ties with my professional desire in becoming an expert in those fields and to use this knowledge to help establish innovative solutions when it comes to building design and applications on design processes. Hands-on approach in workshops at xxxxxxxx labs and xxxxxxxx is another fundamental aspect for my choice where this workflow between physical and digital I believe it is a key part of my future practice.

In addition, I believe will be an amazing opportunity to be in touch with xxxxxxxx 's other programmes students and staff, like xxxxxxxx DRL or xxxxxxxx , whose interests and work could be inspirational to an interdisciplinary approach to xxxxxxxx studies. Certainly, a confluence of speculations will turn the path really fruitful. Therefore I am sure to take advantage of a trustful network of professionals and academics from the UK and abroad that xxxxxxxx can provide, working in the realm of innovative technology applied to design solutions.

By the unique interdisciplinary approach offered by UK master's programmes, I am confident that I will improve my skills to present solutions for architecture field in Brazil and help to develop innovative solutions for our industry. In the end, through a better picture of how computational design and new digital fabrication methods are developed by UK academics and professionals, I aim to establish strong connections between UK and Brazil in the field of design and construction industry to foster opportunities for global partnerships regarding increase the productivity of construction projects.

racheltsk90 2 / 4 1  
Mar 7, 2019   #2
I'm not sure how to give feedback, so I correct your grammar instead! Hope it will help!

I have made ... myself in working with different types ...

... will provide me with a unique opportunity

From a layman perspective, I felt that your essay is somewhat difficult to read, you might want to re-paragraph it. Some sentences in paragraph 2 seems like a repeat or might be better to be at paragraph 1. Your conclusion doesn't sound like it has ended with a wow factor. But it's my first time applying for a masters program too so I'm not sure if what I say is right.
crystlho 5 / 12 2  
Mar 7, 2019   #3
Dear BBartok,
I also would like to help you with some grammar and spelling mistakes. Your writing is informative but to me it is not easy to read. There are a lot of repetitive word like "working". I think you should delete some to make your writing better. You also need to split some to long sentences into shorter ones and correct some subject-verb agreement mistakes.

1) ... to involve myself working in different types of projects ...

2) That's why I believe the xxxxxxxx offered by ... => Long sentence should be revised.

3) Working on international and ... like team working and working under pressure attending (meeting) tight deadlines. => repetitive

4) By that time as I was demanded by the office's peers ... => Back then, as per the request of some peers at our office regarding how to best use of the software, I decided to teach at "name of training center" to improve ...

5) Currently, I work as an Architect and... => As an architect and BIM consultant, I am working on projects which require a good understanding of ... Being responsible for in-company lecturing enables me to contact professional with different backgrounds and interests.

6) Working together ... space for Mamori residents. => dangling and should be revised.

7) All course's modules ties (wrong verb form) with my ... => long sentence should be revised

8). Hands-on approach in workshops at ... => vague, please revise.

9) In addition, I believe will be an amazing opportunity to ... => vague, please revise.

Hope these will help. Best wishes.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,832 2126  
Mar 8, 2019   #4
As far as the prompt responsiveness of this essay is concerned, you have addressed all of the required topics for discussion. You have a strong background in Digital Architecture and have shown that you are a continuing education student of note. If possible indicate the competitions that you joined and won, when these competitions were held, what the objective of each competition was, and how it helped push your career forward. If you joined, but did not win any competitions, then it would be best to just focus on your professional successes. Everything you present in the essay must help to establish your strength as a potential student. That is why precise information is required. If the competition were merely an exercise in participation, then it did not help your career and should not be included in the essay. It weakens the presentation.

The essay suffers from a tremendous amount of grammatical and sentence structure errors. Problems that you most likely did not spot due to the ESL nature of your writing. After you revise the content of your essay, you should consider hiring professional editing services to clean up the presentation. It will help create a smoother and more impressive flow of thought within your essay.
OP BBartok 1 / 1  
Mar 8, 2019   #5
Many thanks for all your help!!

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