Studying in South Korean is always the big dream that I aspire to achieve - KGSP personal statement

personal statement for Korean Government Scholarship program

Please help me to correct the grammar and give advise to improve my essay. Thank you!

The essay should consist of the following contents:
o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate
study or research

Studying in South Korean is always the big dream that I aspire to achieve. I firmly believe that the unique combination of my personalities, education, and aptitude allows me to make my dream come true.

When I was a child, I was fascinated by TV shows about technology. ROBOCON, a robot competition, has been my favorite show. I was intrigued by robots who could complete challenging tasks with great ingenuity and accuracy. Such exposure was the primary motivation stimulating me to enter the Hanoi University of Science and Technology (HUST), one of the top universities in Vietnam. The 5-year period studied had developed my passion for pursuing an interesting field, Machine Learning (ML). Unfortunately, there is a fact that Vietnam is falling behind in this field and it is hard for me to be well educated in my country. Therefore, I desire to pursue further education in a new environment, which can broaden my knowledge and sharpen my skills.

In my opinion, South Korea is always an ideal country for any engineering students including me. First, prestigious universities, such as KAIST, SNU could provide a world-class environment for international students. By joining research projects under the supervision of well-known professors in such universities, I can unlock my full potential. Besides, the high professional and disciplined research environment can act as a golden opportunity to sharpen my research skills including critical thinking, analysis and working under pressure. Moreover, studying in Korea could open the door to working for great technology companies. Becoming an engineer in Samsung or LG is not only my dream but the dream of any students.

I found that the Korean Government Scholarship is a great chance to fulfill my dream of studying in South Korea. This scholarship is not only massive financial support but also provide an opportunity to attend many top universities in the country. Apart from that, one year of Korean language program is an effective means to boost my language skills. This period is also a golden chance for me to befriend with students throughout the world and enhance my interpersonal skills.

I firmly believe that my abilities and work experience are particularly suitable for the scholarship. I am one of the top students in the Talented Program, with a highly ranked position (5/423, top 1.2%) in the School of Electronics and Telecommunications. Not only excelling in courses offered in my school, but I was also a leading learner in a special class organized by SAMSUNG, Applied Algorithms, which provided me effective algorithms for solving real problems and sharpen my programming and logical thinking skills. Furthermore, to step out of my comfort zone, I decided to join Embedded Systems and Reconfigurable Computing (ESRC) Lab, which have been a turning point in my research career. Achieving the first prize in the Contest of Design Game in hardware held by the lab allowed me to become one of the trainers for newbies. This was a great opportunity to review my knowledge and strengthen my communication skills.

In terms of research experience, as a research assistant, my main responsibility in my lab was to optimize the quality of users' experience of videos streaming over HTTP/2 in various network condition. I conducted plenty of experiments and evaluated their results in many aspects in order to find the best effective algorithm. I also surveyed many publications related to my topic and made comparisons with my proposal to prove its superiority. This made me realized that analysis and synthesis skills are of equal importance compared with technical skills. The results of my research helped me to published a conference paper as a first author and three other publications as a co-author. One of them gave me a chance to present at an ICCE conference held in Vietnam.

However, not academic achievements, the ones that I am most proud of are my steely determination and great diligence. As a student from an underprivileged region, I did not have a strong background compared with other classmates. But I have considered that it is not my weakness but an opportunity to prove my abilities. I spent hours on self-study in the library every day, learning from the most basic knowledge, doing from basic exercises. Unsurprisingly, my CPA has increased gradually after each semester. From an average student, with CPA 2.32 in the first year, I graduated with an excellent degree.

In conclusion, I am confident that my attitude, experience, and research skills could allow me to become a promising candidate. I would appreciate your consideration of my application.

Nguyen, you do not have to explain why you need the scholarship. Do not include information that is not required by the discussion topic list. The reviewer only needs specific information which is why you are being told that information to present. That means the explanation as to why you need the scholarship, and your study methods during college are of no interest to the reviewer.

After you have taken out the unnecessary information, work on expanding the explanation of your research experience. It is too short and does not present vital information to the reviewer. Make sure to mention the research title, publication name, and publication date of your published work. The reviewer will surely look into those publications because those prove an advanced research skill on your part that will make you an excellent candidate for the scholarship program.

There is a hanging sentence in this essay that requires clarification. Please expand the presentation of the following:

Becoming an engineer in Samsung or LG is not only my dream but the dream of any students.

Why is it your dream to work for these companies? What do you hope to contribute to the advancement of their existing technology? Discuss this a bit in this essay but go in-depth (if applicable) with its presentation when you write your goal of study / study plan.

I noticed that there is no reference to any professional experience on your part. Why is that? If you lack professional experience, it may be difficult for you to gain consideration as a potential scholar. There is no evidence of professional skills and future application for your masters course, which is a required discussion point for the GKS program. Try to impress upon the reviewer that you have professional skills which will benefit from your advanced studies to strengthen your application. The lack of professional experience weakens the strength of your abilities as a published researcher.

Basically, you have a good draft essay. It requires more work and additional information to finalize the presentation though. You are on the right track with this presentation. Concentrate on increasing its profile by removing irrelevant points and adding information or discussion where required.